Hunger

Rory: Love You Too

The next morning I walk Seth to his bus stop down the road and don't leave until I see him get on the bus safely. Afterwards, I head back home before going to school myself. I'll be late to Calculus, but my grades are good enough and I don't have any tardies. Besides, making sure Seth is safe is more important.

Mouth dry with anxiety, I knock on my father's office door as soon as I get back from walking Seth to the bus stop. This is where Dad spends most of his time when he's at home.

"Who is it?" he calls.

"It's Rory," I say.

A few seconds later, Dad opens the door and studies my face with a stern frown.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

I walk inside, sit down in the chair across from his desk and tell him everything Seth told me last night when Austin and I found him in the school. I also tell him Seth has stopped taking his meds, but I stop short of snitching about the pot and condoms because every teenage boy needs a few secrets. Dad sits across from me without comment, and when I'm finished he sighs deeply.

"Rory, Seth is very troubled. His bipolar condition might lead him to-" he starts.

I hold up a hand. "Stop right there. Are you seriously going to say you think he's making all this up?"

"You just told me he's off his meds, which is a situation I plan to remedy immediately! You should have told me earlier. He's had delusions in the past when he's not on his medication," he says.

I can't believe this is happening. How can he be so blind? His son is in danger, and he's just going to look the other way!

"No, this is different. He saw their van. He's terrified. I could tell it was hard for him to tell me," I say.

"I'm not saying he doesn't wholeheartedly believe it, but I personally feel he's suffering from-"

I scoff, standing up so fast that the chair I was sitting on falls backwards and crashes to the floor.

"I don't even know why I bothered coming to you!" I shout. "It's always been up to me to protect Seth anyway, to be his parent."

"Rory, that's not fair," my father says calmly. "I've tried my hardest to be-"

"Forget it," I say, storming out of his office and slamming the heavy door shut behind me.

—————

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that my father blew me off. He's always been the type who thinks that if you ignore a problem it doesn't exist. That's the reason Seth has gotten this bad, the reason I'm practically raising both of us.

Then again, a part of me, a part I hate, wonders if maybe he's right. Is Seth just deluded? How can I know for sure? It's true that during his manic phases in the past he's had delusions, but there's something about this particular story, something about the fear in his eyes that tells me not to discount it.

At rehearsal that afternoon I can barely concentrate. I fall out of a turn and Mischa yells at me in front of everyone and says she regrets making me the understudy for the Sugarplum Fairy role. That really hurts, and I almost start crying but manage to keep my shit together. We start performing The Nutcracker in three weeks, and I feel even less prepared than I usually do before a performance. Even though I've performed both Waltz of the Flowers and Snow before, trying to learn the Sugarplum Fairy's steps is not easy. My body feels clumsy and heavy, as if I'm trying to dance in my sleep.

"What's wrong with you?" Gwen asks me during a water break.

I shake my head, trying to catch my breath. "It's..." I stop. I suddenly find that I can't tell Gwen about Seth. I'm worried she'll brush off his story too, that she'll make me doubt its validity even more.