The A Side ✔

3- Headphones On, Turn The Volume Up

And from this chapter title, if you guessed music from the last one, you are correct! Your reward for guessing correctly is a virtual cookie, chocolate chip which is my personal favourite.

Whilst watching The X Factor USA back in 2013, Rion Paige's audition was incredibly inspiring. What stuck in my mind however was what one of the judges Paulina said, "Music heals everything." And to a great degree, I totally agree with her statement. Music does heal and this has certainly helped me through my Anxiety hardship. Ever since I was born, music was a huge part of my childhood. My parents and Uncle in particular were huge music lovers and still are today. I was brought up on 1970s rock, 1980s pop and 1960s rock and roll. When I could first speak, all I used to talk about were The Beatles. Whenever I was in the mood to hear songs by them, I used to say "More Beatles!" My family thought that was not only cute but the start of a bond that I would end up treasuring for the rest of my life.

Dad was into Roxy Music, Queen, Thin Lizzy. Mum liked Groove Armada, Florence and the Machine and Franz Ferdinard. What about me? Basically everything and anything. In 2015, I started collecting vinyl after receiving a record player for my birthday and it is a hobby that I love. I end up thinking about the quality of the songs played on vinyl and imagine just what a live studio session would have sounded like back in the 1960s. The sense that I was delving back into a pastime that my parents grew up with made me fall in love with vintage.

Sticking with music, I've never been to a festival like T in the Park for example. My Anxiety wouldn't be able to stand hundreds of thousands of people gathered in one place. But I have watched a ton of live concerts on TV, the internet and been part of a couple of weddings where live bands played at. One of my favourite bands to watch live was 5 Seconds of Summer. I still have a crush on Luke Hemmings. During a build-up of a panic attack a year ago, I immediately switched on the computer and clicked on a concert video of the band performing. Seeing him took my mind off the panic and left me with the tune Good Girls in my head. 

In my final two years at school, I would sneak my iPod into my school blazer with some really cheap looking headphones and listen to music on the way to and from school. My parents at the time worked on alternate days so I waited until I was some distance away from my house before grabbing out my iPod and letting my playlists guide me to school in confindence. My playlists changed a lot, first from EDM, then to Indie Rock and then back to EDM again. For old times sake, I still have these playlists stored on my iPod whenever I need it. Just before I got home, I would sneak my iPod back into my blazer pocket and let myself in as normal. My family weren't keen on taking my iPod to school since it was a present and didn't want to see it damaged. But on road trips, they were fine with it as long as I took extra care and kept my precious piece of technology safe. 

On the walks to and from school plus being out and about with family, my mind was made relaxed by the sounds of music. My Indie Rock tastes expanded after purchasing a compilation CD of festival anthems. From this, I was introduced to bands such as The Stone Roses, Foals and Depeche Mode. All of them I still listen to and love this very day. Being a drummer, I love to drum along to their music either on the drum kit or just using my hands to tap my legs as if I was playing a drum kit.

I thought that by studying GCSE Music, it would help me to combat my Anxiety by allowing me to persue a hobby that I enjoyed but after 3 months, I ended up dropping the subject due the constant stress of the performance exams. I have never enjoyed performing in front of people, my nerves get the better of me. I wasn't all that downhearted about dropping Music, I could still listen to it. My family always had something on whether it was Christmas music during the festive season or driving rock anthems for the car.

I asked around a lot of people that I knew personally to ask if they could guess what music I listen to because of my personality. Almost everyone bar one said Classical music. I was amused. I did listen to some Mozart every now and again but nothing too Classical. To prove to them that I listened to loud music, I got up a song by the band Kings of Leon on my IPod and since then, everyone in my friendship circle knows me as the Rock girl.

Listening to Rock was to be honest, quite relaxing. I was lost into the joys of the rhythm. EDM music made me feel like I was at a beach party or some sort of club on a tropical island having no cares. My major pet peeve when it came to music was that either my parents or one of my friends walked in on mine whilst I had my headphones on. That fun, carefree image would then vanish from my mind completely.

Music has allowed me as a person to find some solstice within song lyrics. Because of this, I started writing my own as a way of expressing my thoughts and feelings about myself and the world around me. Very recently, the song Love Myself by Hailee Steinsfield helped me to try and feel positive about my body image. A part of life that I have always struggled with. The song Rolling In The Deep by Adele talks about love gone wrong. Struggling with a bad break-up this year made me listen to Adele more, her songs speak out to me.

One of my plans after finishing this plus several other stories is to work on a Bands Scrapbook. All of my favourite bands, how I heard about them, favourite songs/albums by them and in what way their music has helped me as a person with my Anxiety.

I've found things incredibly calming in tense situations and new surroundings if I have my headphones on and music playing at near loud blast. My mind becomes clearer and my mood changes to a positive outlook. Whatever music you listen to, keep your MP3 player safe and handy, plenty of charge in and some unbroken headphones. For me, this approach does work wonders.

But in life, there are times when you have an Anxiety attack, listening to music is certainly not possible. Using your digital device in exams is cheating and can result in disqualification. But I opened my heart out to music and in return, my songs library has never been so long.