What happened to Thomas Barrow ⎹ Downton Abbey⎹ Explicit 18+⎹ M/M⎹ Gay ♥ FanFic⎹

The Conversation.

They went back downstairs, in the smoking room.

"Is there anything else?" Adam asked, looking a bit discomforted at the sight of the empty bar. They was only a bottle of old Port, and not enough of it to pour into two glasses.

"I know where the Bourbon is," Thomas replied with a smile. Of course I do. Her Ladyship asked me to hide it.

He fixed them a drink and they sat in the fluffy armchairs, staring absently at anything but each other. After a while, and a couple of whiskies, Thomas felt comfortable enough to make conversation.

"How did you..." He began, rubbing his palm against his trousers nervously. "I saw you leave with the others. The Duke obviously saw you coming back. What happened?"

Adam leaned back on his chair. He lit up a cigarette, Thomas imitated him.

"I realised I didn't want to go with them before we reached the main road. The driver let me out. I didn't want to disturb you, so I snuck upstairs and came down when the Duke showed up."

Thomas stared at him with an unconcealed annoyance.

"I would have liked to go."

"You should have."

"I didn't want to spend the night out with you."

"And yet here we are."

Adam sighed, staring at the ceiling and fumbling with his cigarette. Thomas shook his head. The Bourbon was strong. He didn't want to be drunk.

"Can we talk?" He asked after a minute. "I mean, really talk?"

His Lordship straightened up, biting his lip.

"I guess so. No harm done. And actually... Let me start." His stare lost of it's nonchalance and became inquisitive. "Is it true you slept with Philip and then tried to blackmail him?"

Thomas became absorbed with the tip of his shoes.

"It's more complicated than that. And I wish I could say he's lying. But he's not. Only... It was fourteen years ago. I was different then. And I felt I was being badly treated. I regret it now. But it's done."

Adam kept staring at him, but Thomas couldn't make out what he could possibly think about. His face was blank.

"Are you really happy to be having a baby?" He asked in a neutral tone, determined to change the subject.

He didn't want Adam to notice his inner turmoil, or that the simple fact of having a casual conversation with him turned his body so tense that he was worried he would snap in two.

"I don't know." He didn't sound sad or upset. "I mean, that's what we were supposed to do. Get married and produce a baby. Now it's done. Sort of. But I'm not really the perfect image of a father. I mean, look at me, I can barely handle myself."

Thomas must have made a grimace, for his Lordship cast him an amused smile.

"We got married so young and we didn't want to think about a child yet. Then the war. And then me. Incapable of doing anything but sleep. And now... It just happened, out of the blue. But I'm not worried. In a house like this, the child is going to have a nanny, I will see him -or her- one hour per day, two top, I'm sure I'll be fine."

Thomas fumbled with his glass, still focused on his feet.

"You love her very much. Her Ladyship."

Adam scoffed and stretched his legs. "Yes, she's wonderful, haven't you noticed?"

"She is..." Thomas took a deep breath. "Does she know?"

"Know what?"

"About you... I mean... About us."