Bad girl / Misunderstood

Chapter 20

It feels like a second and a lifetime at the same time, while I'm waiting for the worst. Then I hear a voice in the background that I think I have to imagine in my unconsciousness.

Someone tries to open the door, pushing the handle, but it's locked. I try to scream one last time and then, he boots the door out. My senses are still a bit numb but I know it's him. It takes a second till Matt looks around and understands. He immediately grabs Tony and throws him on the other side of the room. He kickes him a few times before coming to me and helping me to sit up.

„Are... are you Ok? Did he hurt you?" His voice cracks and I know he is really scared. His whole body is in one spasm and when I nod my head he wants to get up and go back to Tony.

„Let him." I quickly try to catch his arm and stop him. I don't want to see more fight or him to go away.

„The fuck, I won't let him. He's just tried to rape you." That word echoes in my head and I start to shake again. Even if I was in my full strenght I wouldn't be able to hold him, not even now, so he easily shakes my hand off and stands up over Tony.

I see in the corner of my eyes how Tony spits blood on the ground. „And who said I didn't success?" He adds mockingly. Matt doesn't hold back anymore and seizes Tony under his neck.

„You better shut the fuck up." I see the muscles working on his jawline.

„I don't know why are you mad. I was doing you a favour. She is crazy, trust me. You maybe don't know her but she is." He says through clenched teeth as he is breathing heavily.

I'm feeling like drunk, like my brain doesn't work properly. But even through the pounding in my head I realize Tony's word way too much. I don't want Matt to hear it, but I know he should. Despite the fact that Tony doesn't know what he is talking about, he is actually right.

Matt hits his face with all his strenght that I hear a crack. Tony's nose sprouts our and he bends down.

„You tell something about her or just look at her one more time, you lose more than your nose."

I try to keep my mind clear and I know that Matt shouldn't harm him anymore, it'll only cause more problems.

„Matt, please... let him. He is not worth it." I say as I'm trying to stand up. I don't know how far he can go, but I've never seen him this angry. And he can't get into problems bacause of me.

„You are right. He is a dick." He says in Tony's direction. „If someone asks what's happened to you, tell them about what an asshole you are." He threathens him one last time and then turns to me. He shores me and we walk out, stopping for a second.

His eyes are the darkest color I've ever seen, full of fear. But not fear about himself, but about me, I would say. He looks at me with that worried expression, and lays one hand on my cheek as he trails his finger on my lips. „Are you ok?" He whispers.

I don't know what has changed. If it's the way he treats me or what I see in his eyes but I can't lie to myself anymore. I need to admit the truth. That with this boy in front of me, it's not that non-commital anymore. I hate it but I have to stop pretending that I have no feelings for him. And that scares me even more. I always attract only problems and hurt people that are close to me.

I inhale, collect every last bit of strenght im me to hold up and whisper more to myself than to him, „I have to go." I turn around and walk away as quickly as I can. My parents'll probably look for me but in this situation I don't think about them for a second. I just want to get home. I feel so small, want to hide under my bed and never get out.

„What are you doing?" Matt asks when he reaches me. I don't answer, what could I tell him. I quickly find my coat and head to the exit door.

When I step outside the cold wind of January hits me. My head spins but I see only one picture in front of my eyes. A picture that I haven't seen for so long and I've tried to forget for so many years. I quickly find first Taxi and get in as I see Matt running behind me.

„Medison 98. Quickly." I tell the driver and he moves right in time before Matt approaches, watching me leaving. I feel tears on my face so I quickly close my eyes.

When I finally arrive home I quickly get inside.

As I close the door I break down, hugging myself thightly. It feels like skyscrapers full of fear, panic and everything are falling down on me. And I just cry asking world why me again.

Someone knocks. I know it's him as I feel him through the door. His energy and the way I feel around him.

„Emily, open the door! Right now." He says in a loud voice but not screaming. I try to quieten my sobs. „I know you there. So please just open." He says in calmer voice. I don't have energy to answer. He smashes the fist to the door so my back shakes. I stand up and try to sweep off the tears. I don't want him to see me like this but he has to know. I have to end this.

„What are you doing here?" I start off.

„I came to you of course. What happened there? Why did you run away from me?" I see that he's confused.

„Matt, listen..." I try to sound as still as possible, „you need to leave, I don't want you here."

„What are you talking about? Babe, what's your point?"

„Don't call me that, I'm not you babe so just leave me." My voice gradually increases. I see his eyes turning to the black again. I do what I always do. Pushing people away the moment I start to care about them a bit. The tear drops on my cheek that I quickly sweep away. He steps to me and holds my shoulders.

„What's going on? Tell me." He almost whispers. He doesn't get it! Not at all!

„Matt... You. Have. To. Let. Me. Be." I step away.

„Why? Why are you doing this! I don't get it." He throws his arms in the air. I'm more and more desperate. He isn't listening to me!

„'Cause I want to protect you! This thing between us is killing me. I can't do this anymore."

„So don't do it. Change it." I see honesty in his eyes, like a promise for something better. But I'm just more sure that I do the right thing.

„Yes, we have to change it. We have to stop!" I say defended as I try to not crack in my voice. His face mirrors mine, full of despair.

„But... I... I just... Geez Emily... I love you." He shouts out of nowhere.

The world stops. My hand flies to my mouth as I'm trying to stop that words. It's like a punch, a hard punch right to the heart.

„No... you can't." I whisper and furiously shake my head. „Matt... I will destroy you. Please, trust me. Like I have done before. Like I always do when I start to care about someone. Tony was right, I am crazy. I'm broken...and down...and I can't... I don't want to take you with me." I throw my arms in the air so he better understands.

„You are talking about it, but I don't get it. I know you and you are not like that."

„Yes, I am!"

„How? Tell me how!"

We are screaming at each other desperately. I'm going crazy why he just doesn't understand. My eyes are filled with tears but the only thing I can see are memories. Memories that I've been trying to forget so hard. I shake my head to get rid of them but they are still there, vivid like back then. My brain just quits, doesn't work like it should. And I just blurt it out.

„I killed him." I whisper.

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