The Suffering Of Tate Langdon

Chapter 5: The Voices

Tate's POV

I wake up to the sunrise In my eyes and the sound of birds chirping in the trees. I don't remember precisely when I drifted off, but I didn't care. I rub my sore, tired eyes. Even with my exhaustion, I still didn't sleep well. I haven't slept well since Violet banished me from seeing her. I lean over to the gun, gripping it and stuffing it in my jacket pocket. I wipe the hair from my face and stare down at the counter I somehow slept on, then moving to the non-existent jacket and shirt sleeve. I'm so stupid and full of false hope. I doubt she is ever going to help me, I don't deserve it. I look over to the house as I hear the door open. It's Moira, holding a tray of fried eggs and bacon on it.

"Moira, you didn't have t-"
"Shhh, it's okay child," she says, quieting me and waiting for me to eat something. Sure, I don't exactly need food but it's the thought that counts.
I look down at the tray, then her. "Thank you."
She smiles at me in delight, then walks out back into the house. She's been the one looking after me for the past week and a bit, and it does mean a lot. I've always been close to Moira. I think it started with our mutual hatred for Constance, and then the secrets she shared with me about her killing my real father. Lies. So many lies. Then she got with Larry, the prick that made his wife burn she and her girls to the ground, and, possibly killed my brother In cold-blood.

I pick up the knife and fork Moira provided with a well-made breakfast. I cut up the egg and place a small piece in my mouth, chewing it slowly. I look at the counter again. Wait? Where's the fucking noose?!
"Fuck," I say to myself, mouth still full of food.
I continue eating until I've finished entirely. I get up and take the tray to the veranda, before placing it on the table near the door. I clean the tip of my lips with my thumb then begin walking around the yard, looking for the noose. Another thing disappeared? There's no witches or any shit like that here, things can't just disappear.
"Fucking hell," I blob to me.

I shake my head in irritation. I can feel it happening again, the voices, they're back again.
You seem lost, Langdon.
"Shut it, asshole."
She was there, you know? While you slept. She took the noose from you, only so you'd find more punishing acts to commit yourself to.
"Lies! Stop!"
C'mon, Langdon. Put the gun to your head, pull the trigger. You know you want to.
"GET OUT! Get out of my head!"
We're not in your head! We're you, this isn't someone else's thoughts. These are yours, we're telling you to do it because you want to.

I pull the gun out of my jacket and hold onto it, the strength of my grip close to crushing the entire thing. Maybe they're right? She did do it. Does she hate me that much? To make me think of more creative torture techniques? No, no, no. I don't believe it.
Step two: You put the gun to your head. You want to know what the students felt like, the ones YOU murdered. Monster. Beast. Freak.
"Shut up!" I place the gun to my head, not thinking. "I'll kill you too."
I doubt that, Tate. We die when you do, and you can't die.
I grind my teeth together. I hate the voices. I hate me. I hate what's left of my life.

"Tate?" a hard voice says from behind me.
My head turns to see who the voice belonged to. My eyes managed to clear long enough for me to tell who it is. The large masculine man stands with three women. All of their faces look shocked and highly concerned, but I didn't care. I eye twitches with anticipation. Ben stands beside Vivien and Nora, Moira stands In the background with the tray in hand.
"Tate," Ben says, arms reached out to assert he's not a threat. "Tate, drop the gun."
"No," I point the gun at Ben, again, not thinking about anything.
"Tate!" Vivien screams.
"No Vivien," Ben says in a calm voice. "It's okay, Tate. I'm here to help."
"Nobody can help!" I yell.

Violet's POV

I wake up to the sound of screaming and yelling out the backyard. My body rushes to the window from the bed, not caring that I was still wearing my pyjamas. I look out the window. It's Tate, with the gun he had, pointing it at my dad. My dad doesn't seem worried that he's in danger, strangely enough, more about Tate. His eyes look dark and dangerous like he's someone else. His blonde locks lie on his face, which looked angry and hurt. Oh god. I have to get down there. I see mouths moving but quiet enough that I can't hear properly. I open the window to hear what their saying.
"It's okay, Tate. I'm here to help."
"Nobody can help!"

His voice is disruptive and angry, somewhat close to beastly.
"You can't help me," he cries out, causing me to begin to cry.
"Yes, we can, Tate," my mother says.
I see Tate begin to shake his head crazily, what the hell is going on in his head.
"My child, it's going to be okay. Believe me." Nora sighs, trying to get close to Tate, who steps back instead of aiming the gun at her.
"Please, Tate," Moira says, clearly trying to reason with my Tate.

"No!" he screams.
That's it. I can't stand it, I need to get down there.

Back to Tate's POV

I feel like I'm crowded. I can't breathe properly, It feels like the world is caving in on me. Why did any of them care? What do they want with me? Everyone Ben has said is bullshit, this is out of pity. He'd shoot me himself if he got the chance. And they have no idea why I did the things I did. It was all for Nora, all of it was for her!
"You don't care," I spit aggressively. "None of you do!"
"Yes, we do," Vivien says. "We've all been mad. But Tate-"
"No, no, no!" I scream. "No!"
"Tate!" Ben yells. "Look at me. Look at me. I'm going to help you. I promise."

He lies to you, Tate. He promised last time, but he didn't live up to it. He's trying to make you weak, Tate.
"No! You don't care about me!"
Ben stops In his tracks, smart enough to not get closer to me.
"What I said before, Tate. It was all a lie, and I'm not talking about the promise."
I feel sweat trip off the tips of my locks and drenching my face.
"You're not a monster, or a psychopath. You're not, Tate! You're just hurt, and I can help you."
You're not to be near my daughter again!
"NOOOOOO!"

I own scream makes my ears muffle like a flash grenade hit me. I'm losing my mind and I'm close to telling them to go away, so I may pull the trigger in piece. Nora's hit the ground on her knees and is crying now, Moira is close. I can't control what's happening to me, it's like an outburst of every bad thing that's happened to me. I feel like a child, a stupid and suicidal child, that happens to not being able to die. This is bullshit. All of it. I can't control myself, and if Violet sees me like this, she'll hate me more.

I cry to myself, mumbling things not even close to words while walking back and fourth.
"Help me," I mumble.
"That's what we're going to do, Tate," Moira says.
"NO!" I snap. I don't know what I want, like I said before, I'm not in control.
I put the gun back to my head, the tears drowning my face, along with the sweat.
"No, Tate!" Ben yells.
"Don't do it! Please!" Vivien yells.

"Tate," a familiar soft voice says from the entrance of the house.
I turn to see her. No. Not her. She can't see me like this. It's Violet; she's teary-eyed and shaking, she's scared for me.
"Violet," I cry to her, seeing her tears flow down her face. I've hurt her again. I deserve it even more.
My ears turn off, I can't hear anything. I see Ben, Vivien and Nora's mouths moving, but I cant hear anything at all.
I look at Violet with my swollen eyes, she stares at mine, I can sense her disbelief and hurt.
"I'm sorry."
Her face jolts with worry.
"No Ta-"
"ALL OF YOU!" I interrupt my love. "Go away."

I hear all of them scream no. Violet's voice echoes in my head. All of them tried to help me, and I was the piece of shit that let them down, again. I drop to my knees and cry into my shirt, the sweat has stopped but the tears haven't. There's no going back. I have to disappear. It's what they need. A life without me. I put the gun in my mouth and scream into it. I slip my finger onto the trigger. I'm sorry, Violet. I love you. I pull the trigger.

Black.