The Suffering Of Tate Langdon

Chapter 17: A Private Appointment

I guess it was time, time to finally face Violet's dad, face to face, one on one. We haven't had any real time to talk, only because I've tried hard to postpone it as much as possible, which has seemed to work until now. I'm already five minutes late, too much talking to Vivien and Violet about the Hotel Cortez, and James Patrick March, that name sparked memories inside of my mind, but I don't know whether they are from dreams or a direct experience, so for now, I'm going to ignore it. My thoughts were already on how pissed off Ben is going to be when I show up late, and what Vivien is saying to Violet after she told me that she loves me in front of her, god knows she's either getting a good gossip or bad lecture. Time to talk to Ben about my feelings again, the dreams I've been having, Taint, all of it. Nothing feels together anymore, I used to be a beautiful puzzle before I was kicked off the table, now I'm in pieces, with some missing of course. God knows that only Violet knows where to find those pieces, she's always been amazing at stuff like that.

I roam the upstairs hall of Murder House, making sure every step was as tiny as possible, quiet as possible, I know why I'm nervous, this is my true-love's dad, the fearless one as Nora calls him. I could feel my eyes aching like I was hungover or something. Why the fuck am I acting this way? This should be easy, I've done this before, numerous amounts of times. I don't know why I'm acting this way, it doesn't feel right. There's something different this time, there's something wrong with this appointment. I'm nervous, skittish, everything to do with lack of comfort, I can feel it give me a headache. I can feel sweat roll down the side of my head, making me question whether or not I'm actually a ghost. How the f- No, I'm not going to think about that again, it always seems to cross my mind and confuse me, I already have enough on my mind. I'm near the end of the hall, and as much as I'd like to, I can't take tiny steps anymore. I can feel the goosebumps on my arm suddenly fade when the door slowly wheels its way open, revealing the man I fear so fucking much.

"Tate, I'm glad you're here," Ben says, his dark eyes staring at me. "We can begin your appointment."
"I'm like eight minutes late."
"Yeah, but you could not have shown up. It's better that you're late, than not show up at all."
He's right, he's always right. I could have just hidden in the basement again, out of sight and out of mind, but of course, Violet would have found me eventually, and would probably be as pissed as ever. So, I'm kinda' glad I showed up now. He invites me in his office, and I enter without question, entering the calming office that belonged to Ben. The office was always a calming place; the two chairs, the neat table, the pens and everything, it was always a nice place to be. I kinda' missed this part of the house, it's caught up with the technology and theme of today's society, which is good, I'm glad to have some things in the house that belong to a time different to Nora's. I sit down in the comfortable chair that belonged to Ben's patients, probably the best chair in the entire house, I could probably pass out in it, that's how comfortable it is. But that was step one, now it was time for the real talking, I hate speaking my mind, It never ends well, but I guess it's now, or never.

"Alright, Tate. I want you to tell me whatever you're comfortable with telling me, but, I really want to know how you've been feeling lately," he pauses for a second, pulling out a pen and a notepad, he's going to write down all of this. Great. "How you've been feeling when you're alone."
I suddenly can't say anything, I'm sand that's been struck by lightning, turned into glass and stuck into place. I'm lost, helpless, I know what I want to say, but my mouth is completely reluctant to say anything. I take a big breath in, ready to say exactly what he wants to hear, I'm going to say it now.
"I'm going, to be honest, because I probably won't wanna' be in the next minute or two, so I better start. I think there's something wrong with me, well, I think there are more things wrong with me. I'm having visions, dreams, nightmares, all to do with the bad things I have done to people, it's all starting to haunt me. But there's more than that, I recently had a nightmare, to do with Violet."
"Hmm, was- was Violet hurt in your nightmare?" Ben asks me like he was reading my mind.
"Yeah, she was murdered, she was murdered by me I've seen in my dreams, the Noble War me. I've given it a name because it seems to be consuming me, the dark tattoos, the black clothing-"
"Just like the other night when those men attacked Nora? You changed, you changed into him?"
"Yeah, it's like something is inside of me, something that wants me to kill. I wanted to kill all of those men, one by one. But I know it wasn't the real me," I pause, staring into the palm of my hand. "It's all Taint."

Ben was writing down everything. Taint, my dreams, the way I've been feeling, all of it. I don't blame him, we already have unstable ghosts in this house, Chad is probably the best example, fucking dickhead. The notepad was full within seconds, Ben was always a fast writer, but I think he's worried more about my well-being than anyone else's. He knows I wouldn't intentionally hurt Violet or anyone else for that matter, so I guess he actually kinda' trusts me now. But there was something bugging me, crawling under my skin, It was a promise that I want Ben to promise me, for the good of everything, especially her, especially my Violet.

"Ben? Can you promise me something? No questions about it, if you say yes, and the time comes, you have to do it."
"Yeah, Tate? What is it?" He asks me.
"If I ever, go crazy again, If I ever become Taint permanently somehow, I want you to make sure that everyone is safe. I've done this before, to Nora, to everyone, Violet's done it before, to me. When you tell a ghost to "go away", and really mean it, it's kinda' like a banishment thing. It works, you say that to me and really mean it, I'll be long away from everything, unable to touch or interact with anyone. I want you to do that to me if I ever become him, If I ever try to attack Violet, you do it. If I ever try to hurt anyone of us, you do it. Do you understand, Ben? I give you permission, doesn't matter what I say, you have to do it-"
"Alright, Tate! It'll be hard for me to do it, but I promise I will," he says, his voice sounding honest and trustworthy, if It's one thing he can do, he can be trustworthy.
That was it, my final game plan is complete. My plan to keep everyone safe is complete, Violet will hate me if we ever have to use it, but I guess, I love her too much, to watch her suffer.
"Good."