Skeleton Reviews

The Witch's Curse| -queen_of_sass

Client: @cool_reader_
Book title: The Witch's Curse
Chapters read: 1 (all available)

Title: As you have only one chapter posted, I can't really see how the title matches up with the story. I might eventually, I suppose. It also seems a little unoriginal and just a regular fantasy title to me. Nothing particularly stuck out me; it's not memorable. Maybe think of something that will get ingrained into your reader's mind, make it really stick out (Check out Spirit Title Shop when it comes out!).

Cover: Love the cover! Very beautiful and aesthetic to look at. It does seem weird that there is no witch on the cover, considering the
title revolves around one. Maybe try to incorporate the element?

Blurb: Your blurb is basically purple prose, ie, flowery writing. From it, I could barely get what your story was about. I suggest including more of the plot, the conflict. A blurb is supposed to give the gist of your story so readers know what they are walking into.
Strengthening this aspect can make your story a lot more appealing (Check out Hellhound Summary Shop when it comes out!).

Description/ Scenery: I could barely imagine anything that was happening because of a COMPLETE lack of description. First of all, the man who was chasing Jade. How did he look like? You say she looks at a mirror. How does that mirror look? You say she crosses bridge? What kind of bridge? A rickety one or a wooden one? Is it in the middle of the forest with lush green leaves or a forest of dark and twisted brambles. I could not imagine anything because nothing was shown. Despite writing in the first person, you still lacked in writing emotions and showing us through descriptive language. I would suggest working on this. If the reader can't imagine what's going on, they are not going to want to go on (Check out Draugr Writing Tips, which can help improve your description and other things!).

Originality: This story lacks a lot in originality. How many stories have you read where the 'chosen one' is the main theme? Yeah, hundreds. This book follows a similar if not exact replica of the concept that is predominant in most books of this genre. I am sure you intend to throw in some twists of your own in there, but right now, it is just another cliche, 'hero, chosen one' book. In addition, the prophecy, the curse? It reminds me a lot of Harry Potter, and not in a good way. It seems to be a lot of the same idea in a different setting, different characters. I personally, did not find the plot compelling and unique, but this is my opinion. I am sure others will love your work :)

Literary devices: Barely any literary devices were used. I spotted one, I think, but even that was not used in the correct context and was too casual in the dire situation (Kangaroos.... stomach line) I really suggest livening up your prose with metaphors, similes, hyperboles etc. Right now, because of a lack of these, your writing seems flat, dry. I have no comparisons to draw, nothing to exaggerate in my mind. I am not saying use it in every sentence. But here and there can really make your writing come to life.

Grammar: You need an editor. A good one. You have frequent tense shifts. Misplaced commas, incorrect dialogue punctuation, and several sentence fragments and run on sentences. A good run through of your chapter could do you some good. A lot of prose needs tightening up. The main issue I noticed is that you have many many awkwardly worded sentences. Here are just a few I spotted-

The very first sentence sounds odd. - Sweat beaded from my neck. It should be sweat beaded on my neck, but even that sounds odd.

The use of narrow for the roads seems odd and like you are trying too hard to include the description. This stuck out to me.

The sentence 'Someone was... following me' is repetitive and unclear.

'he was still behind'- awkward wording

'dodging a pile of words- awkward! Also, I have no idea what you are trying to say here. This makes zero sense.

'Dodging a pile... looking at it" - This entire paragraph actually made no sense to me. What are you trying to convey here? Your sentence structure and frequent spelling errors make a lot of your text unreadable.

'huge woods rolled down roads' This line really confused me because how do woods roll? a lot of your prose is very confusing and I think a lot of your ideas are getting submerged by you want to impress people with your writing skills. In doing so, the actual content and meaning is lost, leaving behind something that is intended to be poetic and mysterious but is just confusing instead.

You also use the words woods too many times here. You never actually describe these woods either.

'went on forward'- awkward wording

'Kangaroos... stomach.' you tried to use some imagery here but in this situation, it stuck out to me like an odd limb and felt too casual.

'Yes clearly nothing"- this segment is not needed

' I drifted across the people' -this is awkward wording

her's should be hers. Spelling mistake here.

'Suddenly someone... dirty floor' This sentence made no sense to me, and I was scratching my head forever trying to figure this out.

'What a dread' - Awkward wording

it's should be its. be careful of this usage. I notice you use it incorrectly a lot.

You have several tense shifts here and there from present to past. Take a look at that. (Check out Ghoul Editing when it comes out!)

Realism: Your story lack complete realism too. First of all, Jade just steals a banana and no one notices? Next, where did the mirror come from? One second the street is crowded and the next it isn't? How? It is not clear at all.

Then you say she summoned a vision. What is that? Then you jump to guardians. Again I don't know what that is. You assume readers do, but we don't. Fntasy requires a lot of world building and your story lacks it. Beacuse of such items, your novel is crumbling in places. Realism has to be there even if it is fantasy.

Even things like 'cutting words" makes no sense. What do you mean? How do you cut words? If you can in this realm, how? There is a lack of expnantion of such crucial pieces of information.

Sentence flow/ pacing: I already mentioned that you had a lot of klunky sentences. The ones above are ones I spotted but there are several more.

As for pacing, it was way, way, way too fast. Your entire chapter could make up the quarter of the book. One second she is in a crowd
then in a mirror, then empty halls then a bridge. What? I didn't get it at all. It was all over the place and was going so fast. By the end
of the chapter I feel like I finished a roller coaster but not in a good way. Thre were so many events happening at the same time, I felt
overwheled. before I could even process one, the next started. I heavily suggest breaking this chapter down, slowing it a bit.

Characters:
Protagonist: I didn't really get a feel of her. You need to strengthen her character with more actions, emotions and dialogue.
Antagonist: he wasn't very well explained and I really didn't understamd who he was or what he was doing.
Sides: None.

Anything else: Please don't use caps and bold in you writing. It makes it seem unprofessional and really distaracted me greatly. It threw me out of the story immediately. I also felt you had a lot of showing that telling. Like, I walked there. I crossed a bridge. You showed us nothing. A lot of your sentence started with "I'. I get it is in first person, but you can still have varying sentence structure.

I also thought to mention that most of you book so far is not even the story and I suggest rectifying that soon. We are looking for books
to read not pages of dedication and graphics.

Overall, this story needs a lot of work. I hope the author works on all above mentioned points and makes this story into what it deserves.

Thanks once again for choosing me as your reviewer.