Skeleton Reviews

The Bridge's Gale: Wings| -RealLDNash

Skeleton: @RealLDNash
Client: MichelleManisha
Book Title: The Bridge's Gale: Wings
Chapters Read: Author's Note – Chapter V

Cover:     I adore the cover! It's elegant, representative of the books premise, and absolutely stunning!

Summary/Blurb: I'd suggest rewriting the blurb, as it doesn't read very smoothly. It reveals details that a reader may find confusing when being introduced to an epic fantasy.

Example:
"After living alone at a countryside town and not knowing individual of her father for 18 years, Rogue comes to Aelcrest, city of privileges, with a stranger's proposal of attending the Bridge, where only rare powers with spiritual and physical ability and intelligence is accepted to train through hard training with tests to become a Bridge's official or one of 12 guardians.."

This is your first paragraph, and oddly enough, it's one sentence. That's a little too much for someone unfamiliar with the world you've created to take in all at once. I'd suggest cutting the sentences back to smaller, simpler ones.

Suggestion:
"Rogue never knew her father. She and her mother lived alone in a small countryside town, until the day her mother died. Suddenly dependant on herself, Rogue travels to Aelcrest, a city of privileges, looking for a way to make a living. She's approached by a stranger, who asks her to attend the Bridge, a place for people with rare spiritual and physical abilities, as well as extraordinary intelligence. She'll face grueling tests in order to become a Bridge Official or one of twelve Guardians."

It's not exactly what you had, but it's close, and it's simply an example, to show how words can be switched around to basically say the same thing, without a reader unfamiliar with your world, getting confused. Keep it simple, highlight the major elements of your story, and keep some details a secret – for only the reader to discover. You want just enough to tempt them into reading.

Title: I'd put some more thought into the title. Going with "The Bridge" would be sufficient, unless this is going to be a series and the first book introduces "Wings?" Then I suppose it would work. I would suggest Web Search for your title. If you don't see any other books with this title, then go for it. Personally, I do that with everything I title, I don't want to duplicate another writer's book title and have any confusion for the readers.

Description/Scenery: You do a wonderful job with scenery descriptions; I just have one thing to mention. You should pay special attention to adverb/adjective placement in your sentences. By placing the word in the wrong place, it leads to massive confusion.

    Example:
"Cool breeze is flowing as the weather is changing. In a few months it will be snowing Smell of old wood is in the air. The cracking sound of the door, the strange rattle in the walls and the squeaking sounds on the floor makes sure the house is haunted. The house is a mess and gloomy one. All brown-black features are showing it's on the fritz. I am living here in the middle of nowhere, in this ghostly appeared house."

This is your first paragraph of your first chapter. This is your most important tool in hooking the reader, if this paragraph doesn't make them want to read more, then you've lost the reader. I understand what you meant, but it isn't very clear. By reading the whole paragraph, building an image in my mind, I'd say you do a wonderful job of describing things. The only problem is word placement.

    Suggestion:
"I live in the middle of nowhere, in a house with a ghostly appearance. A cool breeze flows, sweeping the aroma of old wood along the way. I shiver the moment the frigid air kisses my cheek; I believe the snow isn't that far away. The front door crackles, its hinges rusted and worn at the same time. Strangle rattles resonate within the walls, like creatures fleeing for their lives, and the floors squeak when one walks across the faded planks. Combined, these things give one the illusion that this gloomy, mess of a house is haunted."

Use of Literary Devices: Every instance I noted was used correctly.

Sentence Flow/Pacing: Aside from the often confusing sentence arrangements, it flowed rather nicely.

Originality: I think you have a really original story here!

Characters: I really didn't connect with Rogue, and I think it had more to do with the "show, don't tell" mantra. I couldn't put myself in her shoes, feel her pain or strife. I think you should delve deeper into her mind, show her physical reactions to situations, which help the reader connect.

Grammar: Like I mentioned above, I understand this is a first draft and still being written, but I'd suggest putting it through some really hard edits. There are some wonderful beta readers on wattpad, and I'm sure they have good suggestions. Pay attention to what your readers comment. Don't change something just because one person complains, watch for more than one reader to say the same thing, then you'll know what needs work. You've done well, keep going. Getting it all on paper is the first step. Your book really isn't ready for a review yet, because it's still in the creative phase.

Realism: I didn't have any issues with realism.

Anything else: Keep writing, you've got a great story here and I'd love to read it once it's edited and polished!