Moonlit Craters

(1) And Run

Music: Lola Blanc, Angry Too

Posted: 1/5/2020

*****

The trees swayed in the wind; their leaves rustled in a symphony. Behind her, Stella could feel Them stir. It would only be a matter of time until They caught up to her. It wouldn't matter if it took Them minutes or days or months. They never stopped coming for her. In this moment, she knew if she scanned the forest behind her she knew she wouldn't be able to see Them.

They hid, always. They just wanted a moment to pounce. A moment of vulnerability, designed just for Their attacks. Stella knew how They liked to pretend they did not exist. Of course, no one else could sense Them. No one else could see them. Everyone said that They were only in her head.

Isn't that what life was, though? Experiencing everything in your head? Stella had yet to meet two people who experienced the same event in the same way. So, why did knowing about Them make her crazy? Why did it mean that she needed to take those pretty pills?

The doctor's words echoed. One pill, as needed, for anxiety. Another pill to keep you happy. This pill would keep her stable. And one to keep Them away.

They weren't the problem. They were Her messengers. When They came, so did She. And when She came She took over. Everyone loved Her.

Stella knew why. Her appearance was perfection, shiny even. Her personality meshed with everyone. Stella knew no one who could even dislike Her, let alone hate.

Except for Stella. Stella could hate Her, could wish things on Her that she would not wish on her worst enemies. For when She came, She removed Stella.

As if the forest called Stella, she turned to look. There was nothing hidden among the trees, but she shouldn't be able to see anything. He made sure she took the pill to keep them away. If, in this moment, she wanted to be honest with herself, she knew that they were only part of her imagination.

Someone, at some point, called Her unresolved issues. Mommy issues, so to speak. Stella called that person a fucking bastard because she had to have a mother-fucking mommy to have fucking mommy issues.

That outburst earned her more time in the hospital. Anti-social behavior, they called it. She kept her threats of showing them anti-social behavior to herself.

"You ok?" he asked. His voice reminded her of honey. Slow and smooth. It filled the cracks ever-so-nicely. The sound of it snapped Stella out of her thoughts.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" Stella risked a glance at her best friend, Howie.

Sometimes, like right now, she thought his eyes were black holes, ready to consume everything they saw. Maybe they were.

"You have that look on your face again."

She bit her lip, looking away. He always seemed to know when she was thinking about Them.

Howie called it her starry-eyed look, as if she were there, but seeing things no one else could. As if a galaxy opened up around her.

And what if one really had? What would he do if that happened?

"Are you sure taking in your sister is a good idea?" He wrapped an arm around her.

The groan that she couldn't hold back sounded like a petulant child. "I'm sure, Howie. I can't abandon her." Stella caught a whiff of him, nose crinkling at the smell. "Dude, shower first." She pushed him away, hard enough that he stumbled.

"You don't smell any better. We've been in the woods a week." He didn't have to ask if she'd lost track of time. Howie always knew.

She stuck her tongue out at him, a smile lit up her face.