Moonlit Craters

(6) Indecision

Music: Billy Joel, To Make you Feel my Love
February 2nd, 2020

Stella finally pulled herself away from Keith, wiping away the tears on her face. She sniffled, clearing her nose of excess snot. Stella flinched as Keith placed a piece of escaped hair behind her ear. She opened her eyes, glanced at him and the wet patch on his shoulder. Her gaze settled on the table behind him, hosting what she was fairly certain was a fern. "I'm," her body shuddered as she took a deep breath, "I'm sorry. I've really managed to-"

Keith placed a finger over her lips, silencing her. "No apologies needed."

Stella closed her eyes, body shaking. She nodded her head. "I'll just be going then," she leaned forward and stood up.

Keith grabbed her arm, and Stella stumbled. She landed in his lap. He wrapped an arm around her waist.

"That wasn't what I meant." He used his free hand to wipe a stray tear away.

Stella's eyes widened as she studied him. She felt the beginnings of a cold sweat at the back of her neck. She flushed as her green eyes met his charcoal ones. Stella directed her gaze at the wall behind him. 

Why couldn't he be simple? 

He was only supposed to want one thing from her. 

So, why did he treat her like this? 

Even though she didn't speak, he must have read a question on her face. "I meant that it's ok to have emotions. To have panic attacks. To – are you even listening to me right now?" 

Why did he have to be so damned confusing? 

It wasn't like any of that stuff - her emotions and what not - mattered to others. 

Stella had burrowed her head back into the crook of his neck. "If I listen anymore, I'm going to cry more." She sniffled again. 

Keith used his free hand to guide her head up to look at him again. "I mean it, you know." Despite their proximity, Stella had to strain to hear what he said. Between the rain and thunder, his whisper was difficult to hear. 

She smiled at him and leaned forward to whisper in his ear. "So, is kissing ok?" Her words made him shiver as they ghosted across his ear. 

"Kissing is ok," he agreed. 

She moved to straddle him and placed her hands on his shoulders. Without giving it a second thought, she leaned in. Her lips brushed against his once, sending lightning through her. Twice sent her head spinning. 

The third, she could feel how much he wanted her. 

How, despite his obvious desire, he kept his hands at her waist. 

Stella pulled away and rested her forehead against his. 

They studied each other, neither giving away their thoughts. 

"We don't have to," his husky voice broke through the fog that surrounded them. 

She kissed him again. 

After all, he only wanted one thing. 

Just like everyone else. 

Might as well enjoy the ride while it lasted. 

At least he was good at it.         

*****                                                          

After she laid on top of him. If she were a cat, she would have purred at the way Keith rubbed circles on her back. Stella listened to his heartbeat, counting without keeping track.