Remember Me

21

Over the course of the following week, I contemplated hurting myself. I knew James would find out about it but at least I wouldn't have been pregnant any longer.

I really didn't want to kill the baby. It was going to have a life at some point and be someone. I didn't want to take that from him. But I didn't want to be pregnant and deal with what followed.

He stayed around for a few days to keep an eye on me. I had to keep up the act that the IV was working and I wasn't me so he would trust me once again. He finally did, for certain, when he left me to go to the lab and work.

I pulled the IV out and hung it over the pole, making sure it wouldn't spill out on the carpet. The oxygen tube was easy to remove.

Then I got up and went looking. I wasn't sure what I was hoping to find. Maybe a clue or something about myself or how to get out. I knew it wouldn't have been that easy but I wanted to think it could be. I wanted to believe that deep down, James was a good person. For the baby's sake.

I looked around for twenty minutes before I had to sit down. I was too pregnant to be moving around very often and it was starting to show. I never realized just how big I had gotten.

The baby was moving more as each day passed. I didn't know a thing about babies so I wasn't sure it was even normal. Was the baby ok? I wanted to be resentful over the baby and the fact that I would be a mother without my permission. I wanted to hate the baby. But I couldn't. I knew once I saw the baby, I would love it. I'd be a terrible person if I didn't.

The door opened without warning and James walked in. He was looking at a notebook in his hands, his attention not on me.

I didn't want him to know I wasn't in bed, hooked up to the IV, but there was no way I could get up without him noticing.

So I spoke first. "Did you really think I wouldn't find out?"

His head snapped up and our eyes met. He was a statue in place for several seconds before his hand dropped to his side, the book following. "He had something to do with it, didn't he?"

"You underestimated us. We're not stupid kids."

"Maybe not completely."

I moved my hand over my stomach at the sudden motion I felt from within. "You're not just hurting us anymore. How are you going to explain to him that you're poisoning me into obedience? How do you think he'll feel?"

He laughed, his eyes cold. "This is a family matter, Sterling. He's going to know exactly what this is and what he'll be apart of."

"That's cruel, James." I couldn't believe he wanted our child to follow in his footsteps, to believe what he did. I couldn't believe he thought that was okay. Or that I'd be okay with it.

"You don't love me so what am I to do?"

I slowly stood, using the couch for support. "You can't force someone to love you. And you can't force a child to believe in something so wrong and disturbing. My baby doesn't deserve that kind of life."

"Our baby, Sterling. It takes two people to make a baby."

"He won't love you the way you want. If he knew the kind of person you are, he'd hate you."

James grew quiet and I knew my words affected him. All he wanted from me was love. He wanted me to want to be with him in every way possible. He wanted me to feel something for him. But I didn't.

"Either he gets a better life or I'm killing him. I won't let you hurt him the way you hurt me."

"You don't get to make that decision."

"Try and stop me. Your medicine isn't strong enough to work on me anymore. You can't use me anymore."

"Once I have this baby, I'll have gotten what I need from you. I won't need you anymore, Sterling."

I felt the baby move inside of me again but resisted the urge to touch my stomach. "What did I ever do to you? Why me?"

"You wouldn't love me. You wouldn't open yourself up to me. No matter how hard I tried, it just wasn't enough."

"You can't force someone to love you, James. It doesn't work that way."

A sharp pain hit the side of my stomach and I reached out for the arm of the couch to help me stay on my feet.

"What are you doing? Faking being in labor isn't going to protect you, Sterling."

Another sharp pain hit and my knees buckled. I sunk to the carpeted floor and put a hand on my stomach. "I'm not faking this. It hurts. Something's wrong. I-I'm not ready for him."

He walked over to me and knelt down in front of me. "Sterling, let me see. I can help you."

I glared at him. "I don't need your help."

"I'm a doctor. I know what I'm doing."

"That's bull."

"Stop being so dramatic and let me help you."

"I'd rather die than let you touch me again."

He sighed. Before he could say anything, the door beeped and opened.

We both looked up and saw Jade walking into the room. She had a green sweatshirt and boots on, clearly ready to go somewhere other than the hospital we were in. Trailing behind her, was Nicoli.

"Get out of here, Jade. You don't have my permission to be in here."

Jade dropped a backpack off her shoulder and onto the floor. "I'm leaving, believe me. But I'm taking Sterling with me."

"Like hell you are-"

Nicoli came to my side and got down on his knees in front of me, pushing James aside. "Sterling, are you okay?"

I breathed a long sigh of relief, though it only caused the sharp pain to come back. "Something's wrong with the baby. He's not supposed to come this soon."

He looked back at Jade. "Can you help her?"

She came over and blocked James from view completely. "I need you to lay down, Sterling."

"I know what I'm doing, Jade. I can help her-"

"No." All three of us said at once.