The Stepbrother [BXB]

Chapter 7

"Bro. You ok?" Owen was shaking my shoulder, waking me up from my thoughts.

"Yeah, all good." I assured him, but he noticed something was up. Everyone could do that; I look like shit! Dark circles underneath my eyes and my hair was a mess. I didn't care to put on anything nice, so I was just wearing a black sweater on some black jeans.

After Friday night I couldn't get my mind calm. Thoughts kept intruding my peace. Thoughts about Marin and Newton. Thoughts about if Marin liked me and if I like her. Thoughts about if Newton was telling the truth about his social life. Every time I thought about Newton, I got mad at myself. Why would I care about him? So, what if he is a loner? Why would that bother me? He means nothing to me, and I mean nothing to him. We hate each other! Plus, he never has told anything about himself, so why would he suddenly be telling me this. Who even knows if it's true yes or no? He lies to his mum 24/7, so he's defiantly lying to me!

Newton didn't even talk to me after Friday. He was out most of the time. Better. Leslie of course noticed that the atmosphere had changed, but neither Newton nor I wanted to talk about it. My dad didn't seem to care. No shock, when does he care? He never cares about my feelings. He never did, and will never do. That's why I loved my mum. Needed my mum. I needed someone to talk to. I needed to feel like somebody cared about me. I've always thought my dad didn't really cared about me, but when mum died, I knew for sure. His stupid phone and football games were more important to him. He didn't care when I got bullied, he didn't care when I was alone, he didn't care for my tears or my fears, he didn't care for my paintings or other things I was proud of. He never came to a concert of mine, not even once! He never smiled in family pictures with me. He hates me. I mean nothing to him. Blaming him is easy, because he fucking destroys me! He breaks me!

I needed someone when mum died, but all he cared about was himself.
I needed help, therapy, someone to give me a hug or tuck me in at night. But al what he did was lying on the couch and chuck down beer. Food was bad, hygiene was bad, life was bad.

When I started to take care for the house and myself, my dad thought I was grown up or something and put more chores on me, while I just did it because I didn't want to live in a mess. Now with Leslie dad is better... But he still sucks. Now he doesn't care about football but about Leslie, like there is only place for one thing in his heart. When will there finally be a place for me?

I looked down at my notebook and a tear fell down. Shit, I cannot be crying in class!!

I wiped my tear away and acted like the cheery person I always am. How cheerier I am, how less people will notice how I truly feel.

Physics class was long and tedious. There wasn't distraction for my mind, because everyone was focussing on their work. There was an important test coming up and everyone needed a good grade.

Finally, class was over and I walked next to Owen. From all the boys, Owen is my best mate. He truly gets me and we have the most in common. Mike and Elio walked up front and Owen walked besides me.

"Haven't heard from you all weekend." Owen started. "Little bit unsettled by that honestly, you always hop over to play games or something or go with us to the cafeteria."

I hummed: "Wasn't feeling it."

Owen blew out some air through his nose: "Duh! No shit, Sherlock. You're still depressed." He pointed at my posture. I tried to straighten my back a bit, but I kept looking down, face hidden underneath my hoodie and hair.

"But why though?"

I just shrugged and kept on walking. Before we reached the cafeteria, Owen pulled me with him from the flooded hallway, to an empty room and sat me on a chair.