The Stepbrother [BXB]

Chapter 8

My mood dropped further with every day that followed. Every day I would follow Newton, but lose him around the first break. It feels like he really is the black shadow I sometimes compare him with. Then you see him, and then you don't. It also doesn't help that my friends keep getting on my nerves because they just don't want to leave me alone. They want answers, just like me, but not about the same thing. Honestly, I would love to know why I was this stressed just as much as they want to know. I never cared about Newton and suddenly he was all I could think about.

I watched his every move. I knew his exact schedule. I know when he wakes up. I know when he goes to the bathroom and when he eats. I know his classes, up util the first break. I watch him as we cycle home. Everyday he looks more tired as we cycle back home than when we go to school. He gets more slower and unhappy as the weeks goes on, but is cheery when it's Friday. I know that he spends almost the entire Saturday away from home. What he does isn't clear for me. He takes the bus, but I can't take the same bus so I just lose him. He leaves home at around 10 am and returns home at 5 pm. What he does meanwhile? I have no idea. He looks calm when he returns. He seems... happy?  Like he has slept an entire day without any dreams or something.

Talking about that. Newton has been tossing and turning so much lately! At first it was bearable. Like around 3 am he would wake up and start spinning, but now he's spinning the entire night! FOR TWO WEEKS! I almost get no sleep because of him!

I was sitting in the school garden. My back against a big tree. I didn't have class for an hour, so I just used my time to clear my head or something... what didn't work of course.

Deep in thought I saw in the corner of my eye that someone sat themselves beside me. I looked up and was met with green. It was Marin. She let go a weak smile and turned her gaze into the distance, just like I did before I noticed her. I played with a flower I picked. A pink one.

"I'm worried about you." Marin said soft. I looked at her. Her eyes stood sad. Like she was about to cry.

"Why?" I managed to bring out. A big lump was made in my throat and I couldn't swallow it.

Marin liked her lips. After a while she started to talk: "You haven't been the same after Friday night. I think it's because I kissed you." Only if she knew. I didn't care about the kiss anymore. Or did I?
I looked away.

"I just want you to know that I was really drunk and wasn't thinking. I am not a slut or something... But I guess my drunk mind was attracted to you. I feel really bad. You shouldn't be feeling guilty about it ok? We can still hang out right?"

I looked at her and she looked at me with begging eyes. Did I make her so worried? Just because I didn't talk with her for a week or something? Did I do this? Do I make people miserable? Do I make my friends miserable? Do they even see me as friends now? Do they hate me? Did I ruin it?
What if I've disappointed more people? My mother? My dad? Leslie? Newton?
Would that be why Newton doesn't talk to me? Would that be why he is a loner? Because I disappointed him and he doesn't want to be around me anymore?

Am I a horrible person? Do people even care for me?  Would they like me? Would they be better off without me?

"Ash?" a soft voice called from far.

The world started turning. Or was I turning? Where am I? I looked around. Green blinded me. I closed my eyes and put my head between my knees. The light felt like knives stabbing my head. The noises became louder. Someone was screaming in my ear. The wind that was blowing through the trees, making the leaves shake, hurt my head. It felt like it was about to burst open.

Air. I need air! I tried to gasp for air. Why is breathing so hard? Is someone sitting on me?

I felt something in my throat. Was I about to throw up my own heart? I don't know. Sweat leaked down. I looked up in the eyes from Marin. She was so scared and worried. It was my fault. I need to get away from her.