Pacifist ♡ tlou2

Sugar｡˚♡. ｡˚ ཾ*

Sleeping use to be something I looked forward to at the end of the day. A mini vacation away from this cruel, virus ridden earth. It seems more like a chore now that the contagion has seeped into my dreams.
I made the mistake of letting myself believe I had a safe haven, letting myself believe we were untouchable. Maybe this is my punishment for being so naive.

It's unsurprising that the sounds of shuffling that woke me brought me more relief than aggravation. Blinking my eyes as they adjusted to the illuminated bedroom they began to make out Dina's form through the morning blur. I greeted her as I rubbed the sleepiness away. "Hey, what are you doing up so early?"  She sat on a wooden chair near the door slipping on her boots. Pausing at the sound of my voice, Dina snapped her head towards me with a look on her face saying she'd been caught doing something she shouldn't. "Dina where are you going?" 

I watched her roll her lips together and frown, seemingly in guilt. I questioned her silence with my expression. "Oh I was just going to see Ellie."  if that's the case then why is she acting weird and why didn't she wake me? I voiced my inquiries in confusion. Turning her eyes away from mine she began focusing on her palms.

"I...I don't wanna upset you.." what? Sitting up in bed I gave Dina all my now anxious attention. "Dina what could you have possibly done to upset me?" The Jewish girl let out a sigh and shook her head slightly, the silky strands of her ponytail swaying behind her. After a brief silence Dina finally looked up and met my eyes, still wearing a frown accompanied by glossed over iris. "Were going to Seattle..after we get some things from Joel's" my shocked state rendered me speechless. "I wanted to tell you but Ellie made a pretty good point. The last thing we want is for you to get even more hurt— and I'm not saying you can't protect-"

"—Right your just implying it." 
Dina looked like she was about to counter but i continued talking. "Look I know that my...choices make it harder for me to protect myself. I understand why you and Ellie are worried but your not allowed to shelter me! I can make my own decisions Dina."

Dina had finished putting her boots on now and sat with her hands in her lap and her head downward. We sat silently for a moment before Dina wet her lips and she began to speak. "Your right. It was wrong of me to lie to you. I'm sorry Empress, I'm just trying to be there for the both of you and when Ellie said she didn't want you to know, I knew it was coming from a good place so I agreed. I guess it just made sense at the time. It's not an excuse but I just need you to remember that before we see her"  she finished with, before once again bringing her attention to her hands.

Untangling myself  from her aromatic sheets I made my way over to the chair. I took to a kneeling position at her feet and rested my folded arms across her lap. After giving her a quick peck on the cheek, I proceeded to rest my head on my arms and let out a tired yawn. "Your forgiven sugar, just as long as you promise no more withholding information?"  She let out a relieved breath mixed with a small chuckle before bending towards my head and giving my temple a kiss. "Deal"

"So where are we suppose to be meeting Ellie?"
"At the graveyard. She wanted to visit his grave before we got his things.."
the graveyard...where as the aforementioned Joel rest, where Gramps rest. I can't believe she's going to see Joel's grave this early. It always amazes me how strong she can be. For me just the thought of gramps being in a box, 6ft deep, covered in pounds of bug infested dirt, makes me sick. And he was never really a fan of small spaces either. Not really out of any actual fear though, he told me he just didn't like that they made him look fatter in comparison. I involuntarily let out a breathy chuckle through my nose at the thought. The pleasant memory calmed me.

I had been lost in thought before but now I could register the feeling of  Dina running her thumb along my cheek. I closed my eyes and relished in the stillness of the room and the stillness of my thoughts that finally seemed to ease at her touch.
"Watcha laughing at down there? hmm?"
"Just remembering something Gramps told me is all"  Dina smiled after hearing that so I gave my own in return.

"Do you think that maybe you'd be okay to go see him today? Ellie and I will be there if you need us of course."  Taking a moment to think about it, I truly couldn't tell if I was ready or not. Sure thinking about it made me feel queasy but what didn't?! I'd finally stopped crying since yesterday so that's a good sign right? Ellie's going to see Joel so maybe I should follow her lead and even if I don't say goodbye, at the very least I'll still be their supporting her when she does.
"I think I'm ready"