dec. 21st, 2020
everything used to make sense but maybe that's what i deluded myself into thinking. i escaped into the world of academia, letting homework and projects and exams consume me until there was nothing left to lose.
the framework of always having something to do — something to turn in — allowed me to compartmentalize my life into school and everything else. school was the priority and everything else slipped through the cracks.
without my framework, i fell apart. without a routine, time lost all meaning. without goals, i was drowning in my mind. days passed in the blink of an eye, which eventually blurred into weeks of just drifting through life.
by the time i was able to sit down and think, i realized it's been months since i left. months since my last class. months since i graduated and the "new normal" began.
for the longest while, it felt like the future has been slipping through my fingers like sand. the more time that passed, the harder it was to gain any semblance of normalcy.
but even though the cycle keeps repeating — even though more time keeps passing me by — i won't let this hourglass bury me under all the sand. i won't go down easily.
i'll make plans, trying to shape a new routine for myself. a healthier one that prioritizes me as a human being instead of just what i can produce. i am more than just my output — more than a completed checklist. mental health is more important than productivity.
this year may not have gone the way i had wanted it to but next year will be better.
YOU ARE READING
arcane magic
Short Storya book of poetic ramblings, where words have the power to make us feel both lost and found all at once. an exploration of what it means to be alive and feel things and why we're here.
