Acrasia

Miscommunications.

*Sera's POV*

I awoke in Nomias's bed, with a sleeping Nox against my back. He rarely sleeps, so it was a rare sight. I study his peaceful features as he rests, and I scan my surroundings to find Nomias at the bed's edge lost in thought. I don't want to spook him, but since I have awoken unscathed, I'd like to know what he found.

"Did you see it?" I ask softly, and he turns his eyes to mine.

"Yes. You were right, he is certainly possessed. He's also an asshole in his own right, I apologize for some of what I've witnessed." My face tingles like fire as I look away.

"He is definitely an asshole." I concur. A slight smile spreads across Nomias's mouth. "Thank you, by the way. For everything. I'm pretty sure I'll be in your debt until I die again." He snorts.

"Give me my great grandchild, and we'll call it even."

"I'll owe you the next nine months then. Are you certain you'd want it if it acts like Nox? Because if it acts like him I might not accept returns " I joke and the man cracks up.

"Seven months. I would gauge you at two months along. You cannot trust your own calculations, Noxious stole large increments of time from you on several occasions. I notice your memories were often choppy. This was confirmed in his mind as well. In his mind I also noted that he skips during times of possession. It is definitely Yeomorah, as you had suspected. It began during the deal, he held Yeomorah's stare without guarding himself." I debate in my mind as I watch Nox sleep. I decide to run my hands through his hair innocently, but I'm really trying to lick up his mind. I want to see things, to know more. I need to know why he's acting strangely.

"I know what you're doing! You need to-" He snatches my hands and holds them roughly. "Stop. His mind is not yours to pry into." I shove him off the edge of the bed by the hands he held.

"And my mind is his? I know you are both scheming. All I want is to be involved in matters that involve me. I would never do the underhanded things he does to me to him."

"Where do you think-" I don't let him finish as I reach the floor and take off out of his room. I won't stand another minute of this-this double standard in play! All I want is to know what's going on, but I know if I ask they wouldn't tell me. How can I protect myself and child if I don't even know what is going on around me? I don't want to hear the excuses. I'll learn on my own what I need to know.

I reach my room and immediately bolt the door, slamming it loudly. I open it, and slam it once again. Now then. Ahhhhh. There's something so satisfying about angry slamming a door. Excessive? Yes. Petty? Yes. But as after all I've endured and all this being kept in the dark, I'm not going to allow myself to feel bad over my actions. I've been much more accepting of this than most would be, and I'm pretty sure if I have to try to keep it all in I'm going to implode.

I flop down on the mattress and screech into my pillow, trying not to produce anything strong enough to destroy it. I scan the room on that thought looking for the bags of Barima's. I distinctly remember Samael returning to her home for her on one occasion to bring her some of her books. Her things help me feel closer to her, and her books have secrets. Spells, tricks and advice. I haven't said anything about it, but I intend to try to summon Barima's spirit soon. I want to keep her here if I can reach her, until I can bring her back.

I sit up, immediately realizing I have laid in the photos. I roll so I can pick them up and stack them neatly so they aren't crumpled. One of the photo catches my eye again, making me notice something I had not noticed earlier. A tear. In one of the photos of us together, Nox has a tear brimming his eye. It makes sense now, when I put it into perspective. Noxodius is obsessed, and possessed. He denied both our child and I, then he treats me so much better suddenly. Like it's his last day. "Remember me like this." He had said. Nomias's hostility when I was going to sneak into Nox's mind. He's going somewhere, or doing something. He's leaving me?

I get up and go to the nursery, where I'm about to investigate the contents of the bags, when Nox appears by the bed. I can practically sense him now before I ever hear or see him. I see him oftentimes when he doesn't realize I can.

"Are you peeping?" Duh. I drop a bag and look at him.

"I thought I was allowed to look."

"In bags, yes. In my mind, no. No, Sera." I see Nomias informed him.

"I never wanted anybody in my mind either. In my defense, I was only concerned for you. I just wanted to know what was going on."

"There is nothing going on, save for this possession bullshit."

"Please don't lie to me. I know better. I just need to know so I know what to do or-"

"You do nothing. There's nothing you need to know."

"Something's not right. I know it. I can feel it. Just listen okay? You've treated this day like your last day on Earth. It freaks me out, I just want to help. The picture..." I leave the bags to go back to the bed. "You were crying here. If you're hurt-" He snatches the picture and was it up, throwing it across the room.

"There. Now it's gone. Quit complicating things and mind your own business."

"This is my business too! I'm just trying to help. I'm not your enemy." I object. His eyes are not the least bit soft as he glares at me.

"This is why I am rarely kind to you. One day of loving behavior, and now you completely forgot your role. I love you, but I will only say this once. Know your place, Seraphine. Know your place or I will treat you like the enemy."

"I never forgot my place. It's always been obvious where that is, and that is beneath your feet so you can walk on me anytime you need. This, this is how I will remember you by the way. This is how you truly are."

"Remember how you please, I don't care. Now silence. Lay down. You need rest."

"Ha! Hard to rest beside the devil. I'm not interested."

"I wasn't asking." I angrily shake the blanket out, photos flying everywhere. I step onto one as I wrap the blanket around myself and lay on the far edge of the bed. I grab the pillows through the head hole of my cocoon and put them behind me as a makeshift barrier.

"This isn't how I wanted tonight to go."

"Me either."

"You're already pregnant. Damage is done. Why this ridiculous childish barrier?"

"Because of you can block me out, I can block you too. Even if you threaten harm and order me around. It's the little acts of defiance that keep me hopeful in the prisons you force me into. And in the morning, when you are gone, I'll remember you as fondly as an inmate remembers their warden." He pales and lays down silently, his arm around me anyway.

"What kind of incorrect conclusion have you drawn here?"

"It's not incorrect. I'm not a complete fool. I can see the signs."

I refuse to think on it anymore for fear he will be able to read my mind. A few good moments won't change anything. He is keeping secrets, he won't let me past his walls, he has plainly stated that I serve a role and he isn't my business. Red flags all about. I'd have to be foolish not to see what's going on. I can read between the lines. He has cold feet. He wants to keep me out.

I keep my mind clear as possible until my eyelids shut to spite my efforts to remain awake. My sleep is shitty and dreamless. I toss and turn and think incomplete bits of thought here and there. Am I seriously overthinking in my sleep? I force myself through several more hours until I feel the bed move with the absence of Noxodius's weight. I feel his sh as dow loom over me as he kisses my forehead and caresses my belly through the comforter.

"Wait for me, lover." No. No I won't. By time you decide to return, we'll be gone. I lay, stoic as he watches me. I'm not going to cling to a male who doesn't want me, there will be others who do. I feel him hesitate as he walks away and I chew the inside of my jaw not to lash out or call him out on doing exactly as he denied. There's no need though. The truth is as heavy around us air the air we breathe.