Mountain River Girl

Chapter 6: Forgive And Forget

FORGIVE AND FORGET

My first reaction was to feel at ease, content that Kieran was near again. My body seemed to relax unwillingly and I knew it had to do with him. For a split second, I let myself enjoy that peaceful feeling. It was too hard to resist. However, my mind soon caught up and wiped that smile off my face, replacing it with a glare that was directed at Kieran.

“What’s he doing here?”

Instead of replying right away, Joanne took her time glancing between Kieran and me. Eventually, she raised a questioning eyebrow at him. I had no idea what silent conversation they were having, but it worked on my nerves. I fidgeted in my seat, eager for him to leave because I didn’t want to be in the same room as Kieran. Yet, at the same time, there wasn’t anything in the world I wanted more than to be held by him. What I wanted and what I should want were two conflicting things. No matter which want I followed, I would end up choosing wrong.

Kieran nodded at Joanne, causing me to wonder if I had missed something while fighting my inner battle. If, in fact, Joanne had asked a question out loud, it wasn’t repeated for me to hear this time.

Joanne sent me a half-smile. “I’m going to give the two of you some privacy.”

“Joanne…” I started to protest, but she didn’t want to hear any of it. Her frown of disapproval proved as much. As she passed Kieran, she gave him a look that could only be described as a mute warning. What for, I had no idea. “Behave yourself,” I heard Joanne mutter to Kieran before she disappeared down the passageway.

While Kieran remained his position near the entrance of the room, I turned in my seat, away from him. I, too, realized there was no use trying to make a run for it and escape through the backdoor. As if Kieran would have any difficulty catching up. I mentally snorted at the visual. Too keep up pretense, I returned my attention to the photographs in front of me. I was very much aware of Kieran’s position in the room, every movement, every time he inhaled; I had a hard time pretending he wasn’t there. Mostly because I didn’t want to pretend I wasn’t affected by his presence, for I was, very much so. Why I felt this way was still as confusing to me as the first time we had met. It was irrational. It wasn’t natural to feel this close to a person I didn’t know and it confused the hell out of me. I wanted to fight it, because that was what I was supposed to do, wasn’t it? At the same time, I wanted to give in to that strange desire of being close to Kieran. Why had doing what came natural have to be unnatural? Sometimes life did not make sense to me.

My heart rate sped up as Kieran left his spot and moved closer. I had to fight myself not to look up to watch him. Still silent, he took Joanne’s seat across of me. Under the table, his knee brushed against mine and even through the fabric of our clothes, this simple touch made little sparks ignite and they took their sweet time spreading through my body. I had only so much self-restraint, and trying to ignore Kieran’s presence took all I had already so I didn’t pull my leg away. Instead, I let myself dwell in the comfort provided by this small touch.

“Hello, Seda.”

I sighed. Ignoring him when he was silent and out of sight was one thing, doing the same when he was this close and talking to me was something entirely different, and a whole lot trickier at that. I can do this, I thought to myself.

“Didn’t I ask you to leave me alone?” I asked while keeping my eyes cast down. “I didn’t mean just then, you know.”

“I know.”

“And still, you’re here.”

The rustle of clothing and the small movement of the table made me think he leant forward in his chair, resting his arms on the table. “I don’t want for you to be angry at me.” He exhaled loudly.