Mountain River Girl

Chapter 8: Pursuit Of Answers

PURSUIT OF ANSWERS

That night, I didn’t close an eye. I sat upright in my bed, replaying every part of the fight I’d overheard between my parents. Almost in a catatonic state, I remained the same position for hours without even being aware of the time. Since neither of my parents bothered checking up on me, Kieran had stayed for a little while longer. Eventually though, he had to return home. He had expressed multiple times how sorry he was and that he didn’t like the idea of leaving me behind in the confused state of mind I found myself in. He even offered to take me to his place, but I had to refuse. I couldn’t possibly run off while my parents were about ready to kill one another in their sleep. After reminding me once again that I could call him at any time, day or night, and that he’d come over right away, Kieran finally said goodbye. For once, I had felt utterly numb while Kieran hugged me. At any other moment, the cells of my body would considered his touch reason enough to have a firework fest. Not this time. With my mind a million light years away, I somehow still had it in me to ask Kieran if he could sneak out through the window. He agreed that sneaking past my father’s office wasn’t a smart idea considering my father’s current state of mind. Effortlessly, Kieran ducked through my window after one last hug and a promise everything would be all right.

At some point through the night, I had to think back to the question I asked Kieran the other day about how the search for answers would affect my life. He warned me that things would get messy, but that in the end, it would be for the better if I found my answers. I couldn’t help but wonder if my parents having a fallout would be worth it in the end.

At seven in the morning, I still hadn’t slept for a single second, nor had I moved. I was still seated on my bed, rigid like a statue. Doors opened and closed downstairs and in the hall. This is how I knew my parents were awake. Yet, they didn’t check up on me. The hurt I felt at their lack of interest in my well-being amazed me. For all they knew, I could’ve been out all night and they wouldn’t even have been worried about me.

Overnight, my panic and concern for my parents had traded places with anger. Anger directed at my parents. How dared they come home from their mystery meetings day after day, moodier each time? When did they decide I was no longer worth checking up on?

Trembling with ire, I pushed my sheets aside. My muscles ached, protesting to my lack of movement for the last several hours, and only when standing up, did I notice the goose bumps that covered my skin. All night I had been oblivious to the open window in my bedroom. I had been so lost in thought that the cold didn’t bother me until I got out of bed. After another shiver ran down my entire body, I rubbed my hands over my upper arms in an attempt to warm up a little. Striding to the door, I had every intention on yelling at my parents and demanding answers. Not only would I request an explanation for their behavior, but I would finally insist on learning the truth about my adoption. It was impossible that their intense argument concerning that contract for eighteen years had nothing to do with me. However, as I opened my bedroom door, the front door clicked shut. Momentarily taken aback, I tried to listen for sounds, for a sign that I wasn’t the only one left at home. The house was eerily quiet and I felt my fury rise and I didn’t fight it from getting through to the surface.

Out of pure frustration for being left all by myself again, I cried out some primal scream I hoped no one would ever hear. I slammed the door to my bedroom shut, only to open it more forcefully and angrily making my way downstairs. Stomping down the stairs wasn’t an easy task given my ankle that hadn’t completely healed yet, but pain or no pain, I wasn’t to be stopped. Determined to find the truth once and for all, I entered my father’s home office and went through files and folders, binders and cardboard boxes like a hurricane would devastate anything in its path. This time, I didn’t bother putting everything back in place. For all I cared, my parents could find out that I wanted answers. I was not going to sit around any longer.