The Hours We Have

chapter nine

"You're bleeding." 

I looked at Julian in disbelief. "I'm bleeding? Look at your arm!" I just now realized he had blood trickling between his fingers from the gash on his forearm. 

Mikeal disappeared out of the room. I grabbed Julian and forced him to sit at the table. He slumped into the chair, the aftermath of his adrenaline rush setting in, and he briefly closed his eyes. 

"All of this," Roman muttered, "Just because he couldn't admit he was wrong. Seriously fucking out of line." I briefly glanced at him, he only really swore when he was upset. 

Mikeal came back with a first aid kit in his hand. He set it on the table and began pulling out disinfectant and gauze. I moved out of the way to let him help Julian, my attention shifting to Roman. I grabbed some disinfectant and headed over the kitchen counter. 

"Give me your hand," I said, holding my own hand out. He sighed and obliged. I began cleaning various cuts across his knuckles and in his palm, none of them serious. "What do you mean? What caused him to lose it like that?" 

"We heard Ezra's fucked up version of what happened between you two last night." Roman groaned from the sting of the disinfectant that I dabbed on his cheek. "So, Julian and I confronted him. He's been an asshole to everyone lately but I told him he should apologize to you." 

"It escalated from there and then you came down," Julian said. 

"He doesn't need to apologize--" 

"Yes, he does." Mikeal frowned at me, eyes darkening, "There is no excuse for his actions. He will owe all of you an apology." 

I didn't say anything. It was quiet for a little while after that. I patched Roman up and Julian nearly fell asleep in his chair. I knew he wasn't sleeping very well at night from the night terrors, his daytime exhaustion was always the first sign. But the fight that had just happened would take its toll on everyone. 

"Sit down." 

I turned to face Mikeal with a furrowed brow. "What? I'm not hurt." 

"Jesus, have you not noticed that you've been leaving bloody footprints everywhere?" Roman eyed me incredulously. 

I glanced down at my feet. Sure enough, they weren't wrong. "I can do it myself." I held out my hands for the gauze that Mikeal held. 

He didn't even blink. "Sit down." 

I grumbled under my breath. Julian pulled out a chair next to him at the dining table and I tenderly walked over. I was feeling the pain now and it wasn't exactly pleasant. I sat down with a grumble. "I'm not helpless." 

"I know," Mikeal answered. 

He sat down across from me, placed a towel across his lap, and then pulled my feet onto his lap. I sunk into my chair with embarrassment. This was incredibly uncomfortable but something in my heart was trembling with the realization of the gesture. He might not have said it in a while, but he cared, and his actions proved it. 

I hissed between my teeth when he applied the disinfectant but I forced myself to stay still. I hated to show any weakness. Mikeal glanced up from his work every once in a while, gauging the reaction on my face, and then he was done. Clean white gauze covered my feet where most of the skin had been shallowly cut from stepping on shattered glass. I regretted not putting on socks this morning. 

Speaking of which, I glanced at the mess in the living room and then I sighed. 

"Julian, could you grab the broom and dustpan?" Mikeal stood and began putting everything back into the first aid kit and somehow, he had already sensed my thoughts. He gave me a brief glance and I got the message. Stay put. 

When Julian abandoned his seat, I pulled his empty chair closer to mine and then I stretched out across the two chairs. I heard Roman chuckle. I didn't care. I was pretty exhausted and my muscles were already aching. I wasn't blessed with muscle like my brothers and it had always frustrated me. I heard someone open the refrigerator and then I heard a pan being pulled out of the drawer under the stove. 

I lifted my head over the edge of the table to see Mikeal in the kitchen. The twins sat at the counter. I wished this moment would never end because for once, it wasn't a cold feeling that spread through my heart. This was familiar to me and it was something I had missed dearly but I knew it was only reminding me of the memories we used to have, and memories are proof that nothing lasts forever.

I closed my eyes.

ꕥ 

Ezra hadn't come home all night. 

After Mikeal had made us dinner, we ate quietly. It hadn't been an uncomfortable silence but I hadn't minded either way. Even though there was one of us missing, I was just thankful that there were more than three of us at the table. It felt like the first time in a long time that there wasn't more than half of us missing from the picture.  

I had slept like there was no tomorrow.

When my alarm went off, I ambled into the kitchen like a zombie. I stopped short when I saw Mikeal already sitting in the kitchen. His eyes were almost piercing, I felt like he could see everything that made my heart shiver. 

"Good morning." 

I rubbed my eyes, yawning, "Morning." 

"I made coffee." 

I grabbed a mug out of the cupboard and cast a glance at my oldest brother. We usually saw each other in the morning for a bit. When I had my coffee made, I sat down across from him. "Have you seen Ezra?" 

Mikeal sighed. "He's fine. He'll blow off some steam and most likely show back up tonight." 

"I don't know why he has to be such a jerk," I muttered into my coffee. 

"He's immature."

I snorted. "When is he going to grow up? I'm four years younger than him and I don't act out like he does." 

"I know." 

Suddenly, before I could say anything else, a cell phone ringing cut through the atmosphere between us. Mikeal drew it from his pocket and then stood up before answering it. I sighed, deflating in my seat. 

Of course, the only time I get to vent, there is always something else important. I would always be less important and that realization stung. 

I watched Mikeal leave the kitchen without a single glance towards me. He was completely engrossed with listening to whoever was on the phone. I get it, his job was the main income that supported us, but sometimes I wished he would actually see me. He hardly spent time with us anymore, his family, and I knew we were just an obligation to him. 

I didn't know a single twenty-three-year-old who would willingly shoulder the heavy responsibility of taking custody of his younger siblings. Mikeal had done it but ever since then, he wasn't the same towards us, especially me. In his own way, he had shut us out, too. 

We were all slamming doors. 

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Thoughts so far?

I honestly feel like I suck at writing in this new genre or maybe I'm just going through a self-hating period again where everything I write, I hate. Eh. This chapter sucks to me. 

Real fact: When I do see my oldest brother (he's usually always busy), we actually do talk over coffee in the morning. Sometimes its awkward, sometimes its heartwarming, depends on the day.