the art of letting go

epilogue - holding onto you

the art of holding onto you

- - -

You can let it go

You can throw a party full of everyone you know

You can start a family who will always show you love

You don't have to be sorry for doing it on your own

- - -

T H E F U T U R E

- - -

It was barely one am when I heard my bedroom door creek open.

"Coden?" I called out, lowering my voice so I didn't wake up Nico. The seven year old's eyes were wide as he clutched at his teddy bear. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"The bad dream came back..." He murmured quietly, so quietly that I almost missed it. His little feet pattered against the wooden floor as he came to climb up next to me, burrowing into my side.

Around a month ago, Nico and I visited my brother in LA. We'd brought back Coden a lot of presents, without which he never would've known we'd left, but he was still upset. He burst into tears when we told him that we'd traveled for a week, and now kept dreaming of us leaving again and never coming back.

"Oh, bubs." I sighed, pushing the fluffy strands of hair out of his eyes. "Do you want some water?"

He shook his head, frowning as he looked over at Nico. "No. Why is Dad making a noise?"

Because he doesn't stop fucking snoring.

"Some people make noises when they sleep," I said in lieu of voicing my internal thoughts. "You want to talk about it?"

His lower lip pouted as the little boy curled into himself, forehead resting on my chest as he fisted his hand on my shirt. "You didn't come back."

"It was all a dream, baby. It wasn't real, okay?" I tried to reassure him gently, stroking through his hair as I cradled his head. "I've got you, bubs. I'm not leaving. None of us are leaving."

"I'm sorry, Kezz." Coden mumbled, clutching me tighter.

"It's okay. You don't need to apologize. That's what we're here for, okay? Whenever you're upset or sad, you come to us. We've got this. We've got you." I assured him, wrapping my arms around his small body. "I used to have bad dreams about people leaving too."

This caught his attention. He lifted his head up, eyes attempting to search mine in the dark. "Really?"

"Really," I hummed, "But can I tell you a secret?"

He nodded.

"They never left. Not once." I promised. Kareem, Frankie, Nico, Shaylah, Brayden, Kady.

The dreams only started when everyone else left. But those I was scared of losing after everything always stayed.

We'd never willingly leave Coden.

Nico stirred from beside me, no doubt needing to make his presence known as he shuffled up behind me, hand finding my waist. "'S going on?"

"Bad dream," I told him softly, "I was trying not to wake you up, sorry."

"'s fine," He mumbled, voice heavy as he rested his chin over my shoulder so he could see Coden too. "How's my little man doing?"