Rudhita: My Heart Beat

CHAPTER 5 THE DIARY

Ani was alone in the house. He was roaming here and there. Then he went to bondita's room when suddenly he notices a diary which was on the back side of a photo frame and it looked like as someone has hidden it. Ani sees the diary. He remembers it was the same diary that he gifted bondita after her first exams.
He thought : Nahi Aniruddh ese kisi ki diary kholni acchi baat nahin hein.
Then again he thinks: Par bondita ko ye diary maine hin di thi aur mujhe nirikshan karna chahiye ki wo iska sahi upyog kar rahi hein ya nahin ?
He opens it.

30 Jan 1927,
Priya diary babu,
Pati babu aur maine ab RC mansion chhod diya hein. Hum ab gaon mein rehte hein. Mujhe laga ek kamra hein isiliye pati babu aur mein ek kamre mein soenge par pati babu bahar sone chale gaye. Mujhe toh kuch samajh nahin aa raha par khair pati babu jo karte hein wo soch samajh kar hin karte hein. Ab mujhe bhi bohut neend aa rahi hein toh mein chali sone. Aap bhi acche se sona . Shubh ratri.

Ani reads it and remembers their first day after leaving RC mansion.

6 Feb 1927,
Priya diary babu,
Aaj mujhe gaon ki aurton ne poocha ki mein pati babu se prem karti hun ya nahin. Unhone kaka ki agar mein pati babu se prem karti hun toh mere gaal laal ho jayenge aur jab pati babu mere paas aayenge toh meri dil ki dhadkanein tez ho jaayenge. Mere gaal to laal ho gaye par dil ki dhadkanein tez nahi hui.

Ani after reading this remembers how bondita asked him if her cheeks were red or not. He chuckled.

9 may 1930,
Priya diary babu,
Ab toh mujhe sach mein pyar ho gaya hai pati babu se. Ab unhe dekhti hun Yan unke naam sun ke gaal laal ho jaate hein mere aur ye woh sindoor laga ke gaal laal wala laal nahin prakritik hein jisse hum angrezi mein 'blush' karna kehte hein. Ab jab pati babu mere paas aate hein toh meri dil ki dhadkanein tez ho jaati hein itni tez ki lagta ho jaise dil bahar hin aa jayega . Haan mein maanti hun ki bachpan mein pati babu se pyar karna chahti thi un gaon wali didiyon ke kehne par lekin ab pata chala ki pyar karne ke liye kuch khaas karne ki zaroorat nahin hein ye toh apne aap hi ho jata hein. Aur ab mein ye bhi samajh chuki hun ki pati babu ek kamre mein so ne se kyun mana kartein hein . Wo samajhte hein ki mein bacchi hun unke iss nirnay se mera unke liye samman aur badh gaya hein par kya pati patni ka rishta sirf physical hota hein . Platonic love naam ki cheez hoti hein ya nahin. Aur sach kahun na toh ab mein ekdum clear hun ki pyar kya hein. Pyar toh hum apne maa baba doston se bhi karte hein par pati ke liye pyar thoda alag hota hein pehle toh gaal laal aur dil ki dhadkanein tez hona aur ye ki hum jab unhe kisi aur ke saath dekhte ho toh hume bura lagta hein. Wo rote hein toh hum rote hein aur wo haste hein toh hum bhi haste hein. Huh!!! Nahin nahin bondita pati babu se pyar karne ke liye toh puri zindagi padi hein ab tujhe sirf apni padhai pe dhyan dena hein aur barrister Babu ban na hein.

Ani was shocked after reading this. He never thought that Bondita was this clear and mature about love. It was not just an attraction she really loved him. And be thought that each word she wrote was correct.

13 may 1932,
Today was the best day of my life. I became Barrister today. Our dream has come true. Besides that I confessed my love to him today. Waise toh unhone kaha ki unhe kaam hai isiliye hum jaldi chale aaye unhone kuch jawaab nahin diya shayad unhe thoda waqt chahiye par koi baat nahin. Par phir bhi aaj meri zindagi ka sabse khaas din hein.

14 may 1932,

Aaj mujhe pata chala ki wo mini didi se pyar karte the . Maine unse pucha ki wo mujhse pyar karte hein ya nahin. Unhone mana kar diya. Agar mujhe mini didi ke baare mein pata nahin hota toh pati babu ke pyar ke liye mein puri zindagi intezaar kar leti kyunki har insaan ko ek baar toh pyar hota hi hein par pati babu ko toh ek baar pyar ho chuka hein isiliye maine tay kiya hein mein bohut dur chali jaungi yahan se aur hamara sapna pura karungi samaj se kupratha mitane ka sapna.

31 may 1932,
Main jab nikli toh wo mujhse milne nahin aaye the ab mein punjab mein hun unki chhithi mili aaj unke hisaab se mujhe kabhi unse pyar tha hin nahin unki aur mera sirf akarshan tha thik hi hein unhe yahin samajhne dungi mein aur samay ke saath saath mein unhe bhulne ki puri koshish karungi. But yarr one sided love really hurts.
Ani then saw some spots on the page. He understood that it was the spots of dried ear drops

Ani close the diary and started crying .
Ani's POV,
Bondita mujhe maaf kardo bondita maine tumhe itna dukh diya par mein kya karun nahin karta tumse pyar. Mujhe nahin pata bondita tum muje kabhi maaf kar bhi paogi ya nahin.

Then bon: Barrister babu from downstairs.
Ani realised that it was already evening. He kept the diary in its place and goes down. As Ani was crying his eyes were slight red and puffy.
Bon: Barrister babu aap ro rahe the ?
Ani: Min na... nahi toh bondita.
Bon: Jhooth mat boliye dekhiye aap ki aankhein bhi laal hein.
Ani: Arrey ye toh main abhi so ke utha hun na isiliye.
Bon: Par aap toh din mein nahin sote the ?
Ani: Haan par kal ke safar se thoda thak gaya tha.
Bon: Oh! Chaliye ab mein khana bana deti hun.

When Bondita was cooking Ani stood resting himself on the kitchen slab.

Bon: Kuch chahiye barrister Babu ?
Ani: Tum mujhe ab pati babu kyun nahin bulati bondita ?
Bon: Ye...ye kaisa sawal hua ?
Ani: Kya tum aaj bhi mujhse pyar karti ho bondita ?
Bon: Mujhe kuch kaam hein to mein ab..abhi aayi.
Ani held her wrist.
Ani: Jawaab do Bondita aur sirf sach.
Bon directly staring into his eyes.
Bon: Haan.
Ani: Kyun bondita maine kaha naki main tumse pyaar nahin karta.
Bon: Woh meri problem hai aap usme kuch na kahein toh hi accha hein aur mein aadhe rashte mein hin hun aapko bhul ne mein aur mein bhul bhi jaungi. So don't worry I will get over you Mr. Roy Chowdhury.

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