[Discontinued] Two Birds, a Crocodile, and a Little Bit of Everyone

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty: The Holy Land Marie Geoise

Note: Kind of a sad chapter. Depends on the person I suppose. 

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Fear is a natural, primitive, human emotion.

It is what alerts humans to danger or threat of harm. For many, that danger is merely psychological. It stems from the inner workings of our minds, our memories, our emotions, our experiences.

Irrational fear is the term for those who exhibit an extreme fear of an object or an event (known as phobia scientifically). This fear is exactly as it is. It is simply irrational. And yet, if it were so irrational, why is it so threatening?

Why is it that it affected you so much?

For most people your age, they would be in school, have friends, socialize, and hangout, doing whatever most children did. Or most teens. For you, however, it was training, and wandering aimlessly down the halls of Marine Ford.

You had friends, Smokey and Drake (and sometimes Lucci would come to visit after missions), but you supposed that you wanted some normalcy in your life. You were a rowdy child, energetic, and frankly, very outgoing. That was child you. Now that you were a teen (fifteen to be exact), there were things that you thought of that you never had before.

There had never been a need to feel self conscious about yourself. As a child, you would simply be seen as that: a child. A child that was special, a prodigy. But now, now that you were aware, you held these feelings that you've never felt before.

It made your fears seem like something stupid, something that people would critize someone like you about. It was stupid. How would you ever become a pirate (marine to those who didn't know quite yet), if you could never step foot in those salty waters? How would it be possible for you to live if you're surrounded by something you were afraid of?

You were pathetic. Your strengths were useless if you could never accomplish anything. Hell, they wouldn't even be strengths in the first place. You were useless. You were just a brand new pencil without a pencil sharpener. Full of potential, but useless all the same.

And that was when you had your first taste of self depreciation.

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- 2 Years Ago -

You were doing it again.

Garp and Sengoku noticed. You were staring at the wall, looking disinterested and detached. Those who didn't know you very well would have said that you were bored. It might have been true; Smoker and Drake were out on a small mission, and the Admirals had been extremely busy this entire week. It would have been reasonable to assume that you were bored.

But no, that was not the case.

Sometimes Garp felt that he didn't raise you quite right. Luffy and Ace had turned out fine (besides the pirating thing, darn kids), so why did you seem so different? Why is it that you weren't pestering him about ice cream or gelato anymore? Why is it that all you did was stare until someone came to hangout with you?

Maybe you were feeling lonely. Sengoku had suggested that, but why would you feel lonely when you were constantly surrounded by people? You liked to talk to people and followed them around like a lost puppy, so why was it that sometimes you would look so... sad?