I was there for you ⫴ completed

chapter seven

September 25.

She wrote a letter. The first three days I didn't dare to look at it. I haven't eaten, haven't moved...

... I haven't lived after that day.

Today I didn't just want to stare at the closed envelope.

I got up. My body sore from not being moved.

I wanted to feel something. But I couldn't. And at the same time, I loved that empty feeling because there was nothing left for me to feel anymore.

I opened the letter. My hands were completely calm. I began to read.

'Oh, bubs,

I'm so sorry you know. I feel horrible doing what I'm going to do.

But they've won the battle.

I wasn't strong enough bub. I'm sorry that I couldn't live up to your expectation. I'm sorry I haven't told you. I should have. But there is no going back. I made my choice.

Only one time in my life I'm allowed to be completely selfish right? Just this one time. I just need to be selfish this one time.

I was defeated. I'm thankful for you. Bub, you are what kept my world spinning just a little longer. But you were always the stronger one. The wiser. The grown-up. You helped me. A lot.

Some things are just not meant to be.

I am so extremely sorry. I'll guard you, watch over you, be by your side- wherever you go, I will follow. Till the end of time, I will never ever leave you. I promise.

Words can't tell you what I would do for you.

Please don't ever think that this was your fault. Because it wasn't. I know your little ass will try to punish yourself for what you believe you have done.

Promise me to not think about 'what if's.

Just know that this day, I have found my peace. I was being selfish but I needed this peace.

And I'm sorry that there wasn't any other way.

I did really try everything.

But it was the only way that I could rest. And I need to rest so badly. I just couldn't.

I know that it is too much to ask from you to understand me. I can't even understand myself but I'm certain it's my way.

Don't let anything stop your life. You are my pain, my hope, and most importantly, my love. I wish I could spare you the pain.

How can something so right for me be so wrong for you? Why is life so unfair. And why am I so damn selfish.

I feel sorry. I love you.

I left you most of my belongings, that is if you want them. You can do with them whatever you please.

I trust you. And I love you. Always and Forever.

And I'm sorry. Always and Forever.

yours for eternity,

Maria

And Skylar? You got this, my love. Make your dream come true. Be who you are. A better and bigger person, than I could have ever imagined becoming.'

Shouldn't I be mad? Shouldn't I be bawling my eyes out? Let at least one tear slip my eye? Shouldn't I feel something?

I don't know. 

I don't know anything anymore.