Just A Nerd

Chapter Thirty-Nine

LISA

Returning home feels weird and dreadful to me for the first time.

I glance at my wristwatch, seeing that it passes midnight already. So, I open and close the door quietly before entering. As I turn on the light, the sight in front of me really smitten me with love and compassion to the point where I don't know how to recover from it.

Jennie is on the couch, her small face on her hand. She looks so calm and peaceful. I hope she could be like that forever. I hope she would be that tranquil without stress and anger always there beside her.

I smile, kneeling in front of the couch to observe her features carefully. "I am sorry, Jennie. I don't know how much I hurt you when I left you, but it sure does hurt me as much as you do." I clear my throat slightly to ease the lump I feel in there. "But, hon. I am sure if I could go back in time, I would have done everything to be with you. All these things I have got to do, do not really make me happy at all. Finally, I totally understand it now." I lean down to kiss her puffy eyes; I know how much she cried when I left.

People say if you can't be happy when you have nothing, don't expect to be happy when you have everything.

How funny is that, eh?

It's so much true to the point where I could not find any other word to describe it.

"If I could go back in time, I would have done anything to fix it. I would have been with you during all those incredible times you have imagined we would be in college. I would have asked you to be my girlfriend, and we would have been so much happy than we are now." A tear slips down my cheek, but I am not bothered to wipe it away.

Let it fall.

Maybe, it'll magically stop hurting.

After a few minutes of being whiny and dramatic, I scoop her up in a bridal style before taking her to the bedroom. As I lay her down on the soft mattress, I lean down to give her a kiss on her forehead before walking outside the room to sleep on the couch.

I figure she would not be so thrilled if she wakes up and sees me beside her.

Looking at the ceiling, I think. What should I do now to fix everything?

Her father told me to be a little more patient. To wait for her love to come back, which is virtually impossible, given the fact that she hates me to the core now because of her ex-boyfriend staying at the hospital.

Thinking about him, I still couldn't believe that he actually did that to get Jennie back.

"Lisa."

As I am about to close my eyes, I hear her voice calling me. At first, I thought I am imagining something, but when I turn to the door, Jennie is there with a pillow in her hands.

I sit up, smiling slightly. "Huh? Did I wake you up?" I ask even though I haven't made any noise. I did that so it won't be too awkward.

She shakes her head, "No, you didn't. I couldn't sleep, and I want to sleep here...on the couch."

Then, I get up. Maybe, she can't endure the presence of me having been in the bedroom before. So, I agree. "Yeah, sorry. I thought you might be more comfortable on the bed." I walk inside the bedroom giving her space and a place to sleep.

But, when I pass her, what strikes me most is she grabs my arm and hugs me. She literally catches me off guard as I do not know how to actually react to that. So, I pat her back. "I am sorry,"

Suddenly, I feel her tears on my chest. She sniffles and tries her best to stop her sobbing. My heart falls. "Jennie, tell me whatever you want, just don't cry, please." I pull her away, but she tightens her grip on me as she shakes her head like a five-year-old.

"Jennie, what's wrong?"

"I am sorry, Lisa. I-I didn't know my dad being too harsh on you when we were in high school."

Then, everything clicks.

Mr. Kim told Jennie the things he said to me at that time.

"You have a brain, but you lack all the things that make her live a better life. She has a high quality of life, and you needn't destroy it by loving her."

I close my eyes, not wanting to remember all those words in my mind after all these years. It reminds me of how much I need to have money, to have everything for Jennie even though right now it seems that those things aren't important anymore.

"I forgot it already. Don't bring it up. He just said that because-"

"Lisa, don't defend him anymore." She pulls back, touching my cheeks, and turns my face to look at her when I try to avoid her gaze. "Is it because of him that you felt the need to be away from me to get... all these luxuries for me?"

She hits the point.

She's right.

Despite the fact that I always wanted to be someone better, I have never imagined lying to her and leaving her like that. The words her father said make me scared all along.

That I would never be enough for her.

"I am sorry I left you."

"No, I am the one who needs to say sorry for not understanding you. I am the one who never thinks about how you feel and how you suffer. I am selfish to think that I am the only one here who suffers and in pain while...you were there all alone, and cold. I am sorry, Lisa."

I smile, tears falling down my face. Finally, she understands it. "No, that's okay."

"That's not okay, Lisa. I hurt you a lot. How can I get all those pains back?" She brushes my tears away.

"Tell me how?"

"Just be happy." I smile. "Tell me what you want, and when I give it to you, that's my happiness."

"I will give you anything you want..." I state seriously.

"What do you think I want from you now, then?" She asks, frowning in confusion. "You have anything in mind?" She continues, her gaze fierce.

"I think y-you want uh..." I clear my throat before I finish it. "Divorce."

"Really?" She scoffs.

"Yeah."

"You know I have known everything, and you think I want a divorce?"

"What do you want then?" I challenge.

"Love."

"I want my love back." Then, she slams her lips against mine.

The world stops, leaving me super confused to the core.