Crazy 'bout you ( GxG)

Chapter 10 - Charlie

We're not good for each other. It's the only thing I can think about for these 3 weeks. When I first heard them, something inside me snapped. I've told her things, I've opened myself up and that's not enough? The problem is being in the closet? Really? Do you think I care? Sure, it's chill to be able to hold hands in public, but that's more of a bonus.

At home I immediately ran upstairs and locked myself in my room to avoid questions from my mother. Sunday was exactly the same. Mom stopped asking when I kept ignoring her. I hadn't told her about the kiss. Fuck, that fucking kiss that's in my head. I can only think about her lips, how good she made me feel.

Jay is different, she changed in her behavior. That Monday she was quieter than usual and moved a bit stiffly. I let it go at that point, knew she didn't want to talk to me anyway. And believe me when I say I've tried, I tried to talk to her. She immediately interrupted me or started talking about something else. Most of the times she just made sure to be with the boys. I keep wondering what I did wrong.

Now I have withdrawn myself more, I no longer know what to do with myself, I even get panic attacks at school, which I never had before. With music I try to keep myself calm, I grab my guitar and play the first song that comes to mind. Or I am away on my motorcycle for hours, I keep driving in circles until I am calm.

I feel like I have lost myself a bit in these 3 weeks. At parties I pour so much alcohol in my body that I don't even remember what I've been up to the next day. I found that alcohol was a better medicine than sleeping with other girls. It's okay until we kiss, I can only think about Jay, what it was like to kiss her and then in foreplay I can't take it anymore and I'm usually already gone. She infiltrates my mind as if she is claiming me and it drives me crazy. She doesn't want me, that's okay, but can she leave my damn head alone?

With all the anger I feel I hit the ball and watch it fall behind the fences.

Coach Lewis claps. "I want to see those kinds of balls in the game, keep it up Davis." At least that made me feel a little bit better. Coach Lewis has always been like a father to me. Keith doesn't like him that much, but I can always turn to him, it's a kind of safety.

"For everyone else, this training sucks, I'm offended by everyone." Coach yells. 

What is annoying is that I still have partner training with her, she says almost nothing to me and it drives me crazy.

She seems quieter than usual today, maybe it's because the guys forced her yesterday to go to a movie in the evening or because she really hates me so much. It's one of those two because she's pitching badly today.

"Is there something bothering you?" I ask if I pick up the ball she missed.

She waves her arm a few times and then answers. "I'm having a little bit of trouble with my arm, that's all." She throws again, just as badly as last time. When she throws again, I can see that she barely moves her upper body.

"Jay."

"What?" She turns furiously at me, throwing the ball with such force that I have to bend under it. That was a good ball, but looking at her it hurted.

"Why does it hurt so much?" I walk over to her, but as soon as I get too close she steps away from me. "I just want to help you."

"Don't you understand that I don't want your help?" Her mouth opens and closes again, but this time no sound comes out.

"That's it for today guys, I'll see you tomorrow." Coach Lewis disappears from the field with his assistant coach right behind him.

"You're in pain." Jay slaps my hand away as I reaches for her arm. She turns around with a grunt and walks over to her bag. When she bends down to hit her bat off the ground, her shirt rises, my eyes just almost fall out of my head when I see the bruise. What the fuck.