Crazy 'bout you ( GxG)

Chapter 11 - Jay

Do I want this? Is this a good idea today? I sigh, open the door and step inside. As always it is quiet and a bit dark. On my way to the living room I turn on some lights. I take a deep breath and then walk over to my mother who sits in the chair she always sits in. Staring out the window at the passing cars.

She doesn't look at me when I sit down, she never does. I wipe my clammy hands on my pants. I don't know why, but this place always makes me a little nervous and sick. Nothing will happen because my mother is drugged, but I still get the jitters.

At first I don't really know how to start, so I stare down. "Hi mom." I swallow. "I've been on Hillside high for 3 months now, I told you about that, do you remember?" I look at her for a moment, knowing she's not going to respond anyway. For a moment I hope she will look at me, take my hand and say she loves me, but she doesn't.

"Okay, I made a friend, several actually, but one is, Shelby, she's pretty nice and she talks to me, so that's okay, right?" I swallow. I leave out the boys and Charlie, they are better friends than Shelby, who says about 2 words to me, but I'm afraid that I say too much when I start talking about Charlie.

"And I'm on the baseball team mom, I'm the 2nd girl that ever played on the team." I immediately think of Charlie and curse inwardly. I can't get her out of my mind all week and it drives me crazy. I can't even pay attention in class anymore, change all the words either in her name or in things she said to me. And during the training sessions it is completely terrible, I keep looking at her, as a result of getting a ball in my face, during the match I also had problems with it, I had to sit on the bench because I performed poorly during the warming-up, fucking Charlie. Hillside just won and I'm sure if I had pitched we would have made more points, no offense to Jake, but anyway.

I shake my head. "I'm pitcher, as we hoped, I'll have another game tomorrow." I fiddle with my shirt. "And tonight I'm going to a team meeting for the second time, just for fun." I swallow. "I'm not sure if I should go, mom, you know I don't like those things." I sigh. "Dad is getting worse, he comes home later, drunk and then bangs on my door. I can hear him crying, Mom." I want to take her hand, but I hold back, I don't know how she's going to react to that.

That is not the only thing that bothers me. Just tell her! A voice screams in my head. I groan, I can't tell. I clench my hands into fists.

"It's better, he hits me less." It's out before I can think about it, I didn't want to talk about this. "I don't know how long this will last, Sunday was the last time." My lip is trembling, damn it, I don't want to cry. "I'm still scared, scared that he will lose his shit again, but even more scared that someone will see the bruises and calls for help. I don't want to lose him, Mom, then I won't have anyone left." A tear is already running down my cheek. "And I don't know how to tell him this, he's so worked up." I wipe away some tears. Hear someone come in.

"Hey Jay, how are you, dear?" Mary, my mother's nurse, walks in.

I quickly rub my eyes. "Fine, how are you?"

"It's going really well. You know my son right?" I nod, Danny, he was in love with me. "Well he started college and he is seeing someone." He deserved that, he's a great guy. "Didn't you used to hang out?" She stares at me for some time before she shrugs. "Well, I'll be gone in no time, just have to tidy up the laundry." She disappears into my mother's bedroom. I forgot that she talked so much. 

"I don't know what to do, Mom, I'm in a mess." I close my eyes. "Everything is a mess." Charlie. I shake my head. God this girl just keeps haunting my head. "Something's wrong with me, I think. I can't get someone out of my head."

"And who is the lucky one on your mind?" Mary is standing in the doorway with a grin, shit, why did she have to hear that?

I try to smile. "Someone from my school."