Sk8er Boi (Logan Reese)

fifteen: why is life so hard?

When I opened my computer a few minutes, I was so not expecting to see an email from my mother pop up like a terrible surprise. At first, I thought someone was pranking me, creating a fake address with my mother's name. However, I soon realized that I hadn't even told anyone my mom's name. After that revelation, I sat and stared at the computer screen on my laptop, wondering why in the world my mom was trying to contact me. Maybe it was because I blocked her cellphone number on my phone, so she had to resort to this. Whatever it was, I didn't like it one bit.

I couldn't even click on it. I didn't have the guts to move my cursor over it to read whatever she wanted to tell me. I knew that it was something terrible, though. It had to be. She only brought bad things into my life; nothing went right around her, especially anything dealing with me. That was why I couldn't open her email. That was why I couldn't even move from where I was sitting on my bed with my backpack in front of me, ready to get to class in a few minutes. I knew that wouldn't happen, though. Not this morning, at least. Perhaps I could go to classes after lunch, but I wouldn't be able to do it right now because my mother always ruined my life.

"Hey, Kelsey, are you ready to get to class?" Quinn asked me, appearing in our doorway with a flourish and a grin. Her hair was still a little wet from the shower she just got out from. With her hair like that, she looked more normal than I had ever seen her before. "We have a science test today!"

"Yeah," I answered after a minute of silence. There was something strange on her face when I looked back up at her, but I ignored it. Hopefully, she would, too. "You can go on ahead. I'll catch up."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

Quinn didn't look like she believed a single word I said, but she didn't say anything else to me. An awkward tension rose up between us as she grabbed her backpack that was sitting next to the door before walking away from me and all my issues. 

I looked back at my computer with a sigh. There was no way I could avoid this email forever. I knew she was going to send me more and more emails until I had to look at them. Unless I blocked her email address, too . . . No, I couldn't do that. She was the only person I had in my life, even if I hated her. I couldn't avoid her.

Clicking on the email, I braced myself for what she wanted to tell me. It was a pretty short email, which was good. Hopefully. Sometimes, though, the hardest words came in the smallest packages. I knew that better than anyone else did, especially when it came down to my mother. I shook my head and began to read the email that said:

"I haven't heard anything from the school about you, so I'm hoping that you are staying out of trouble. Don't forget that this is your last chance to prove to me that you are able to be a good little girl who listens to other people and doesn't hurt anyone. If you blow it . . . Well, we don't want that to happen, do we? Remember, I have eyes and ears everywhere to keep track of you.

- Mom"

There were a lot of feelings rushing through my body. I couldn't really tell what was the most dominant one because of the storm in my veins. How did I know that this email was going to be awful? Because I knew my mother, and I knew her feelings about me. Ever since my father left, she blamed me for it, saying that I drove him away. Newsflash, Mom, it was you who kept driving everyone away from you -- especially me.

Before I could talk myself out of it, I picked up my laptop and threw it as hard as I could across the room with a guttural yell. Quinn was going to hate me because my laptop slammed into one of her inventions, each falling to the ground in pieces. I could see my computer screen flashing black and white as it barely hung onto the keyboard that was missing quite a few keys. It was destroyed, that was certain to me. 

I jumped up off of my bed and began pacing across the floor. I really did need that laptop to do my schoolwork, but the library had computers for me to use while I figured out how to get a new one. However, did I even want to go online again after seeing that email from my mother? Not really. I didn't want to do anything besides scream.

My fingers raked through my hair, tugging at the dark roots. A buzz entered my mind and ears, settling over me as I held in my screams and sobs. My teeth were gritted together, and there was a headache forming over my right eye. The ground swayed beneath my feet, and at first, I thought that there was an earthquake, but I realized that it was only me swaying back and forth like a palm tree on a windy day.

My mind shut down, but my body didn't. I turned toward the door and grabbed the warm handle, throwing it open. It nearly hit the wall behind it, but the door stopper worked, stopping the heavy door from destroying the wall. I rushed out into the hallway, slamming the door shut behind me. The noise echoed in my brain as my feet picked up pace.

I couldn't run fast enough from my dorm room, away from the cursed computer that showed me that email from the monster known as my mother. If only I had my trusty skateboard; it would help me forget about my mother. I didn't have it, though, so I couldn't get that message off my mind at all. Somehow, I had exited the building, heading out into the sunny day. Though the breeze that blew roughly through my hair resembled the same breeze I get from riding my skateboard, it wasn't the same. Nothing would ever be the same again.

"Kelsey?"

I jolted to a stop at the sound of Zoey's voice. I could barely see her through the number of unshed tears in my eyes, but I knew she was looking at me with worry creasing her face. I hated that look almost more than I hated my own mother. 

"Kelsey, are you alright?" Zoey asked me gently. I had no idea what she was doing out here instead of being in class, but I didn't care in that moment. All I cared about was getting away from her -- from everyone -- before I lost it. "What's wrong?"

"Get out of my way, Zoey," I said softly. I was very surprised that my voice didn't crack. She didn't move an inch away from me, though. She had to move, unless she wanted to see a side to me that I rarely ever showed to anyone. "Get away from me."

"Kelsey --"

I lashed out at her, at one of the only people who actually cared about me. I could feel her skin under my hands as I shoved her away from me, but I couldn't tell if I knocked her down or if she was still standing. I couldn't really see anything besides the tears in my eyes. "Leave me alone!" I shouted to her while backtracking away from her. "Please, I just want to be alone."

I turned on my heel and sprinted away from her and whoever else was around us. This wasn't supposed to happen to me. I was supposed to keep my cool and never let those emotions rise up like they were from the depths of my soul. I wasn't supposed to allow her to hurt me like that. I did a lot of things I wasn't supposed to, though. Everything was finally catching up with me, all my unsaid emotions and buried feelings. Why in the world was my life so terrible? I didn't have an answer; all I knew was that it was killing me.