Look but Don't Choke

Chapter 6

                  There was a time in my life when I was sure that I would marry Harley. The idea may be laughable now, but as a teenager I didn’t see any other possible option. He’s my best friend’s older brother; he’s super popular, and super gorgeous. It’s the stuff bad romance novels are made of! But that didn’t happen.

            The day after he turned eighteen he got on an airplane to New York City, middle of the night, no goodbyes. I was crushed, as was his whole family. There was even a moment where we were sure he’d never come back.

            The first summer that he did, I had long given up on him. I might have even been angry at him for breaking my heart, so I was determined to avoid him at all costs.

            But somehow I found myself in love with him again anyway. So much so that I’d planned to lose my virginity to him that very summer. And he seemed like he was on board at first but he left—again. No goodbyes. I ended up losing my virginity a year later to—ugh, Rusty Valentine. In the backseat of his mom’s station wagon.

             Not that I’m bitter about it…

            I tried to forget all that as I sat across from Harley at the Cho’s kitchen table, a spiral notepad and pen ready in my hands. He was slouched in the old wicker chair leaning his face in the palm of his hand.

            “Okay,” I said. “I’m going to ask you a few questions.”

            “Alright.” He was barely focusing.

            “You okay?”

            “Yeah. Just…it was a long night.” He leaned up, giving me his undivided attention. “Ask away.”

            “Alright, first question. What the hell happened?”

            “Me and Abbey go back to the hotel for a little…uh…” he stumbled, averting his eyes and thinking of a woman friendly way to communicate.

            “Harley, it’s super important that I know exactly what happened. So you’re going to have to tell me, its okay, just give me the facts.”

            He cleared his throat and took a gulp of coffee, stalling. “We had sex…um a couple times. Then we ran out of condoms. It was as good a time as any for a break, so I got dressed and decided to go stock up on some more rubbers. And booze.”

            I wrote that down. “How did she seem when she left?”

            “Happy, as far as I could tell. Orgasmically happy, actually. I mean, you know, she wasn’t sad or nothing. So I figured I was doing a good job—“

            “I got it. Where did you go?”

            “My first stop was the liquor store because I didn’t want to have to buy beer or cheap gas station wine. I mean, really, nothing is more unromantic than beer.”

            “I agree. It’s great for a buzz but bad for romancing. Continue.”

            “After I left there I stopped by a convenience store for the condoms.” He paused for a minute as he stared into the distance, face pained.

            I slid a hand across the table and grabbed on to one of his hands. “You have to tell me what happened next,” I said with as much poise as I could.

            “I walked into the room, and sat the stuff down in the chair. She was on the bed, back towards me. I thought she was sleeping,” he swallowed hard. “I climbed over the bed to her side—I was going to pull the covers up over her shoulders, I didn’t want her to be cold. When I put my hand on her hip I noticed she wasn’t breathing—“