Look but Don't Choke

Chapter 24

     When I finally shoved the key into the lock of my apartment, with all the gentleness of an inexperienced prom night date (station wagon optional), any energy left in me had died.

     I was used to feeling the normal physical run down of late-night fatigue--not unusual considering I worked such long hours--but tonight was different. The weariness had burrowed itself down into my soul somehow. Johnny was always a man whose presence was heavy with sorrow but it never really affected me before tonight. I...I couldn't deal with it right now.

     But I pushed the thoughts away. However selfish it was, I just couldn't muster up the energy to think about anyone or anything except bed. I stumbled my way through the dark like an old rattling car on it's last mile until I collided with my bed, falling face first into the deep lavender comforter. Kicking my shoes off, I crawled my aching body up toward the pillows.

     I shut my eyes tight, willing sweet dreams to smother the things that haunted me. Abbey, Henry, Manny, Delgatto, that man from Delgatto's house...Johnny. Even in the dark I could see his face, dark and brooding and somehow lovely in it's agony...he'd almost be handsome if he didn't frown so often. But I guess he had reason to frown.

     I nestled myself deeper into my pillows and willed myself to forget. As I did so my hair tumbled over into the lashes of my eye and I brushed it away. My hair. My eyes snapped opened. I needed to wrap it but my body might as well have weighed twice as much. I could leave it and let myself roll around on it in my sleep, but there'd be hell to pay in the morning.

     Not that I worried about it. In case of a spontaneous fro I was more than well equipped to deal...but still detangling at three in the morning while I try to rush to work ain't no joke. Not even ten tons of premium leave-in conditioner from the cocoa butter fairy could save my ass then.

     Where did I even leave the silk scarf this morning? Oh fuck. I tried to leverage myself up but pure laziness kept me trapped. I slithered off the bed like the pathetic creature I was until my feet hit the ground and I was able to stand--somewhat wobbly--in the darkness.

     Might as well take a sleeping pill while I'm up. I managed to half blind myself when I flicked the lights on in the bedroom. As my eyes adjusted I could make out the silk scarf slung carelessly on the edge of the dresser. Okay, that's half of my problems solved. I stumbled my way out of the bedroom and toward the medicine cabinet for one of the sleeping pills and a glass of water.

     As I turned into the living room I stopped dead in my tracks. The blood drained from my head and the air in my lungs disappeared and I was left trying to remember how to breathe. "How did you get in here?"

     "I came to deliver a message." The man sitting on my couch was a stranger but he lay back slouched against the throw pillows as if we were old friends.

      "Get out of here!"

     He didn't flinch let alone make to leave. "It's from Delgatto."

     "What?"

     "The message." He scrunched his face as if I should know what he was talking about. "Delgatto sent me to deliver a message for you."

     I didn't respond. My eyes stared holes into him as I waited for him to leap up from the couch and pounce like the one who attacked me at Taste Teas. If he did--when he did, what would I do? I could run back to my room and lock the door. I could call the police and wait for help. But what if he tried to break the door down?

     My mind flashed to the dresser. Top drawer. I could see the hard metal laying carefully among my delicates. I hadn't hidden Jackson's gun as well as I should have I'll admit, it just lay there cradled in cotton, calling to me. Just in case...