Look but Don't Choke

Epilogue

      The sun had barely risen over the horizon as I walked up the narrow dirt path towards a section of the cemetery that lay hidden behind a large oak whose roots had had uprooted the narrow concrete path. The air was hazy with the humidity that's common in Florida, even in the late fall. I could practically feel the curls on my head turning to frizz with each second I spent in the open air but I kept going.

     I'd called the city first. The woman on the phone had been polite but detached. "You're looking for a body?"

     "Yes, ma'am. She didn't have any family," Or not any that was willing to claim her at least. "What happens to people who die without family?"

     "When the city gets an unclaimed John Doe we either bury them in an unmarked grave or cremate them."

     "I know who she is. I just want to know what happened to her."

     "If she's been cremated but not disposed of you may still be able to claim her ashes. What was her name?"

     "Abigail Collins."

     Her fingers tapped over her keyboard. "Someone's already claimed the body."

     "Her mother?"

     "No. This looks like a man's name. I think. They moved her to a mortuary."

     That shouldn't have surprised me. He'd been busy since he left. I'd gotten a letter from him a while after:

               Evie,

              I wanted to repay you for all that you did for me. Thank you.

                                                                                               Love, Harley

     He wasn't gifted with words but he'd sent a money order with it that was worth thousands of dollars. It was enough to make the last fixes on my car and have a little extra to put back into the Taste Teas account. It made sense then that he'd been busy before he'd left too.

     The cemetery's caretaker was the one who directed me to where exactly she'd been buried. "The area she's in is right over here," he said as his fingers walked over a map of the grounds. "You just go up this hill and past the tree."

     "Does she have a tombstone?"

     He thought for a moment. "She does. I remember the fellow who bought it. Came in a little while ago. I never seen an Asian that tall before. Must have been six foot two. Good looking too."

     As I grew closer to the place marked on the map I could just make her name on a simple sandstone gravestone that overlooked a reflection pond. The dirt was still freshly turned and the headstone still shone with newness.

     I lay the flowers down next to a bouquet of lilies that had started wilting from exposure. The engravement read:

Abigail Collins

I Didn't Love You For That Long But You Were Still Loved

     Harley's brand of love could sometimes come up short, but he made up for it with an intensity that often left me burning with passion long after he was gone. But sometimes I took for granted that his love was as legitimate as my own. He could be thoughtless sure, but when he did love someone--even for an hour it seemed--his devoutness was unmatched.

     It didn't matter if he'd known you for two weeks or twenty years, being held in his arms was as fanciful as being worshiped by the most fanatical of lovers. I could get drunk with it if I let myself indulge. And over the years I had done just that, often allowing myself to get lost in the folly and the fantasy whenever I was in the mood to wallow in what-ifs. But perhaps I'd realized that some great loves were best left in the past.

     ...Until of course he came back in a couple of months for Christmas. But that was neither here nor there.

     In the meanwhile I'd keep living as I had. I had a cafe to run, and a cousin to help enroll in college, and employees to manage, and an anything-but-coffee date with a friend...or whatever.

     But mostly I just needed my feet firmly planted on the ground and my mind to not stay trapped in that dark place that had formed from an excess of trauma. The only way to go was forward, so that's what I would do.

     As the sun peeked over the top of the oak tree I started my hike back to the parking lot. I had to get to work, and the day was just beginning.