THIN ICE |BOOK I |BWWM|

•ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 13•

•OAKLAND, CALIFORNIA•

Julia's POV

"When will you be back?" Nick asked as he laid his chubby cheek on the counter of my vanity. 

"Before you wake up." I flashed him a playful smile through the mirror.

"Why can't I go with you?"

"Because baby, this is just for Aunt Liv and me."

His curious hand reached for one of my makeup brushes and started smushing the bristles into the counter before dropping the brush and hopping on the edge of the bed.

"Are you going to see Uncle Andres again?"

"No Polpetta. Why are you so curious all of a sudden? You don't usually care when I go out."

I knelt down in front of Nicolai as he swung his feet over the edge of the bed and I rubbed his knee.

"C'mon, talk to me. What's wrong?"

He played with the collar of my aquamarine-colored slip dress as his eyebrows pulled together.

"How come Danny gets to have a daddy, but I don't? Everybody at school has one too. All the grownups just leave me and don't come back."

"I come back, don't I?"

"Yeah, but Uncle Andres didn't. And my daddy didn't." Tears welled in his eyes.

A familiar deep sigh escaped my lips.

When Nicolai was old enough to understand, I mentioned to him that his dad left us when he was born and that's why he wasn't around. However, I led adults to believe I simply was keeping his father's death a secret from Nicky until the right time. If I had known it would weigh on him this heavily, I would have been honest from the jump- well, my definition of honest. Nicolai held secrets like a vault held money, but got pretty loose-lipped if he wasn't thinking about it. He's six, what did I expect.

"Come here baby," -I wrapped my arms around his small torso and rubbed his back soothingly- "I know it can be hard not having your dad around, but me, Andres, Aunt Liv, Lovey, Nonna and Nonno are always going to be with you. Even if we leave for a little bit, we'll always come back to you. You hear me?"

A delicate sniffle echoed from behind my ear as I felt Nicolai's chin nod against my shoulder.

I stroked his fluffy hair, my fingertips tangling within the curls as I pressed my son into my chest hoping to sap some of the sadness he was feeling from his yearning heart. These were the times that I longed for those nights Andres and I spent together to have made a difference-maybe then Nicolai's father would be Andres instead of his demon brother.

My chest heavily rose and fell and I firmly laid my lips against Nicolai's forehead.

"How about tomorrow we spend the day doing what you want to do. The whole day is yours. Sound good?"

A similar silent nod brushed across my shoulder.

I tightened my hold and closed my eyes.

"Mommy is sorry things are the way they are. All I can give you is my love and hope that makes up for what you don't have. Is just Mommy's love okay?"

"Yeah", -he finally loosely returned my embrace- "your love is good."

• • • •

An hour had passed since Nicolai opened up to me and I was now trying not to blind myself while putting on eyelashes. Daniel had shown Nicky this new online game they could play together, so the moment I pulled out my makeup, he abracadabraed himself out of my room. I was just happy he'd finally made a friend.