Shatter

Chapter 18: Phixegoth

"Yilania?" Luna called out. We were outside of the door that was entwined in vines, and blooming with flowers. My back was leaning on the door, and I hugged my knees: still not over the grief of the death of Azmist. We had met her for almost a day, a few hours at least. But she had such a strong character, and I felt that there was an invisible bond, maybe a little spark of friendship between us—but then, she was gone. Gone, forever. 

I had felt too much loss in my life. Though, however much pain I would take, I would never take the blow and the heaviness of Luna's life. All day, even when joyful things happened, there would be a sad, bitter smile on her face, and deep down, I knew that she was never truly happy. Her acting was magnificent, though—she had managed to fool everyone in her life—including me. 

I could tell she was used to the pain already—the nostalgia, the regret, the physical and emotional pain—she felt it all, on a daily basis. Sometimes, I wish I could put her out of her misery, and put her under a spell of some kind, but I could do nothing except look at her, helpless. Sometimes, I wondered whether she was really from a different universe. How could a human being take so many blows to the heart, yet still recover, and trust so easily? I had always refused to trust people, I had always loved to be alone: a lone star in the sky, yet it could shine just like all the others could. I felt like it was dangerous to trust, but yet I would see Luna trust people and get broken. 

I always reassured myself she would change. But she never did. She held on to everything that had happened in her life. She could never forget. She kept absorbing everything like a sponge. When would she be unable to hold on anymore? When?

And when would I learn to trust? To trust people, to rely on people, to trust that they would be loyal to me? 

I always wondered how we were even friends. Our thoughts regarding trust opposed each other, but we understood each other.  

"Yilania?" Luna called out, again. There was suddenly a whistle in the air, then, slowly, the shape of an angel appeared. Yilania shimmered in the sunlight. 

"You've gone through your first world..." she said, "Impressive. I shall show you to the next one: Phixegoth." The shimmer in the daylight moved a bit, and Luna and I followed. The glare of the sun was bright, and hurt my eyes. 

Soon, we were there. "Thank you," I murmured, and I thought that I could see Yilania smile in my vision. 

And she was gone. 

The door didn't hint anything. It was thoroughly coated with gold, and the handle was black. When I touched the handle, I flung back my hand. It was burning with heat, and when I turned my palm over, it was glowing a mysterious orange-red. When I tried to open the door again, there was no sudden pain, and the knob turned easily. I pushed it open, and after Luna was through, the door closed by itself without a sound. When I looked up, there was no sun. 

The moon was glowing in the sky, hanging there peacefully. "What a nice time to disturb the world," Luna mumbled. "In the middle of the night." 

I chuckled. "We don't have time." 

"Maybe we should wait till morning..." Luna suggested hesitantly. "I don't want to disturb the people." 

"And where will we go?!" I asked, incredulous. "Smack in the middle of a world we have no idea about? It's fine. We'll just stay here for a little bit." 

Selfish, I thought to myself, Why are you so selfish, sometimes, Carmen? I fingered my necklace. I had forgotten I had it until now. The chain was silver, and a small piece of mauve taafeite hung on the chain. I rubbed it for no particular reason, daily, thus making the surface completely smooth.