Finding You

Chapter 17

Saint Patricks Day, 2020

Green lights bounce off the walls and all over people. Green floats throughout the sea of bodies, green wigs, shirts, and balloons. I don't know what part of the year is wilder, Halloween or Saint Patrick's day. I wore my deep emerald green cropped cami top and light-washed denim jeans that fit snug around my hips down to my knees but fit loosely around my calves and ankles. Delia and Henry came back from the store this afternoon with matching green wigs for Delia and me. With the wig on, the ends of the hair sit just below my ears in line with my chin. Henry and Sebastian find Delia and me in the crowd each with two drinks in hand, one for Delia and one for me. I grab my drink from Sebastian and start dancing.

For the next hour we drink, we dance, we drink some more.

The four of us are all pretty hazy, although a bolt of energy surges through all of us at once when we recognize the beat of Tongue Tied by Grouplove starts playing. An odd sense of nostalgia and joy warms me up as everyone starts jumping up and down while screaming the lyrics.

Slowly dancing closer and closer to Sebastian, I pause, and then as the beat and then rhythm of the song gets stronger I run up to him placing my hands on his upper chest. And then my hands find their way up further and further until my fingers are laced through his thick hair. I feel his arms wrap around my waist, pulling me in closer and closer until I feel his chest breathing against mine.

Standing up on my toes, I lean up to his ear and whisper in sync with the song, "Don't leave me tongue tied."

Pushing off his chest, I jump back with Sebastian now a good ten feet in distance from me, looking at me slightly confused but that look soon turns into awe. I spin around and around with my arms stretched out on either side of me, closing my eyes and letting my head fall backward. Nothing but the rhythm of the music in my ears. This feeling of ecstasy and pure bliss runs into me, unannounced and unrecognizable. I hope this feeling never leaves me. For the first time in the last three years, I don't feel afraid for when the time comes to end the night. To end this drunken escape. It's weird, I don't feel scared. I don't feel scared to return to my lonely thoughts after this night decides this euphoric feeling is over.

--

Leaning into Delia's ear to say over the loud music I say, "I'll be right back, I just need some air."

"If you aren't back in five, I'm sending the boys out after you," she winks, but I know she means it. Which I'm thankful she does.

The air feels refreshing against my skin, sweaty and surprisingly not covered in beer. Walking around various people, I walk over to the side of the house where I'm not bothered by mobile drunks. The moonlight shares enough of its glow to light up the yard while distant music sounds in the background.

Suddenly I'm not alone anymore. Footsteps approaching from my right, coming from the party. I'm hoping it's Sebastian.

Looking to my right, I see it's not who I wanted it to be.

"All alone back here?" The voice comes from a tall, burley guy wearing jeans and a plain, long sleeved grey shirt. It looks like he has dusty blonde hair and a short, scruffy beard.

"Clearly not anymore," I say with the purpose of sounding annoyed, because I am.

"A little rude don't you think? I'm being nice, I would appreciate it if you could do the same."

I'm a little more than annoyed now. "I wasn't rude, I was simply stating a fact. I'm out here to catch a minute by myself, I would appreciate it if you could let me be," I say. Next thing I know, he's right in front of me. He reeks of beer and sweat as he inches closer to me.

"But where would the fun in that be?" His breathe touching my face.

"If you're not going to leave, then I will," it was time for me to head back inside anyways. I also want to put as much distance between this guy and myself as much as possible. And then his hand grabs my arm and my head swings back around to face him, furious.

"I believe I turned you down twice. Third time's a charm. Let go of me and fuck off," I say, hoping he realizes that I'm not putting up with him and will back off.

Before I can blink my back is shoved up against the rough brick wall behind me. One of his calloused hands ruthlessly wraps itself around my throat while the fingers on the other is pressing into my hip. My lungs cut off from every ounce of air. I try to push him off of me with my hands but along with the air that no longer has access to my body, is my strength. My arms feel weak, nothing left in them to fight.

"Luna!" A male voice screams. A scream filled with worry and rage. It was enough of a distraction to gain the attention of the guy, turning his head fora split second and I did the only thing I could think of. If my arms didn't have any strength left in them, hopefully my legs did. One of my knees collided as hard as it could with the assholes groin. As his body fumbled backwards, mine collapsed to the ground choking and gasping for air. Air filled my lungs, so eager that it scratched my dry throat as the chill air made its way into where I craved it. I felt hands on my back and shoulders, forcing a jump from my body that was worried it was the same guy again. Looking up, I see worried eyes from Henry searching my face as he asked me over and over if I was okay.

I nodded, unable to get any words out. I looked over to my left to see the asshole's face being scrunched by Sebastian's hand. With a firm grip on the guys face he says, "Touch her again and I'll kick your ass, after she knees you to the ground, again." He releases his grip from the guys face, causing him to stumble backwards slightly. Sebastian then rushes over to my side, placing a hand on the back of my head, his gentle brown eyes full of worry. The two of them place an arm under my arms and help lift me to my feet.

"Luna! Oh my God. Are you okay?" Delia says as she runs over to me after coming from around the corner of the house.

"I'm okay," I respond.

"When we came out here, some guy was choking her, pinned her up against the wall," Henry says.

"Oh my God, holy shit," Delia says as she places a hand on my cheek, "Come on, let's go home."

—

After a long three flights of stairs up to Delia and I's apartment, we finally reach our door. With Sebastian's arm around me the entire way home, I felt safe.

"You okay? Want us to stay for a while?" Sebastian asks.

As much as I would want him to stay, he doesn't need to babysit me. I'm not alone, I have Delia.

"No, it's okay. I'm okay. You guys go home, I have D with me."

He hesitates, but then nods and presses his lips to my forehead and says goodnight. Henry wraps his arms around me and does the same. Delia and I both go inside after closing the door I take a look out of our peep hole on the door to see the two of them still there, waiting until they hear us lock the door. The lock clicks, and they start down the stairs.

"I'm so glad you're okay," Delia says as she gives me a worried but relieved look.

We both head to bed. And for the next hour I lie awake staring all around my room. Pictures of my friends and I and Grams fill the wall space above my desk that's on the wall opposite of my bed. Even though from the distance I can't see the details in each photo, I know what memory belong to each picture. Pictures from beach trips that Grams and me take each summer, goofy ones of us drinking hangover smoothies, hikes with Sebastian.

The moonlight glows in my room, just like it did on the outside of that house tonight. My hand finds its way up to my neck, feeling where it'll be bruised tomorrow. The dirty smell of beer and sweat dwells beneath my nose. My hands no longer feels like mine. They feel like they belong to someone with callouses.

And then, a light knock comes from my door as Delia pokes her head in saying, "You awake?"

"Yeah, unfortunately."

She slips in through the door, and slides into bed next to me, sensing I didn't really want to be alone but didn't know how to ask for someone. She's always known me so well.