Finding You

Chapter 11

May 2019, End of Sophomore Year

Rack City by Tyga blares the apartment. Delia and Kaia are getting ready to meet the boys for a party soon. Kaia steps out of D's room in ripped light blue jeans and a bright pink cropped top, Delia wearing a black skirt with a dark purple bodysuit.

"Are you positive you don't want to come tonight?" Delia asks me. Surprisingly, I've been in a better state the last few weeks, with my ups and downs of course. I was afraid that if I go out, I'd slip right back down the hole of drinking myself gone to escape from everything else, and I don't know if I'd be able to dig myself back out again if I do. So I decided to stay in tonight.

Nodding, I replied, "I'm sure. I have to finish up my final case file. You guys go, have fun and be safe. Call me if you need anything."

"Okay, well work hard and then tomorrow morning we'll go out for smoothies," Kaia says.

"I'd love that," I say with a smile.

I had actually already finished my case file project this morning. About an hour after they left, a message from Sebastian popped up on my phone.

Is everything okay? Not like you to miss out on a good party.

I'm fine, promise. I respond.

Lying on the sofa, studying the blank slate ceiling for what seems like hours, I check my phone to see it's one in the morning. For the last month, my mind has been busy and distracted with studying for final exams next week and finishing up my case file project that takes the place of my final for my forensic biology lab. But with the semester soon coming to an end, I can't help but wonder what I'll be like once those distractions aren't within my reach anymore. What else will I have to grab onto? Will I be able to hold myself on my own again? Desperately needing some space to clear my head, I grab my keys and head for the front door.

Making my way to campus, I head towards the lawn that our dorm from last semester used to overlook. Part of the lawn is lower than the rest, on one end near the largest dorm building, brick steps lead up to higher ground that stands about five feet taller than the rest of the lawn. Prickly grass scratches my bare legs as I sit along the edge of the wall that overlooks the sunken lawn, draping my legs down the brick wall. An empty, humanless field that yet was still full of life. Trees with various shades of greens line the edges of the lawn with black vintage street lamps between every few trees, a rhythmic pattern between light and life. Falling on my back, my hair intertwining with the grass. Fresh, cool air brushes my skin, calming my senses. The dark, midnight blue night sky glows in the light of the silvery moon and speckled stars. Each star is all alone, yet they find each other, coming together to bring a sense of hope and light in a world overflowing with darkness.

My focus is snapped out of place in an instant when I hear some approaching from the lower ground.

"Loo?" I lift my head up to see Sebastian walking, with each step taking away the distance between us. Although I knew it was him before looking, he's the only one who calls me that.

"I was out for a run, we got back about an hour ago, but I couldn't sleep," he says. Without a response, I feel his fingertips graze my ankles, hesitating to see if I protest. When I don't, his warm, soft hands rest around the top of my ankles, his fingers wrapped around my lower calf. With a slightly worried tone, he asks, "Are you okay?"

Sitting up to see him, the moonlight leaves its glowing mark highlighting the waves in his hair and the curves in his toned arms. He steps closer, his chest stands at the height of my knees thanks to the higher part of the lawn, his shirt lightly touches my legs, resting his chest against them. His warm brown eyes peering up at me, heavy of concern and wonder and loss.

"I'm fine, Sebastian."

"Just like you've been fine the last two months." Irrigation grows in me, not from him asking though, from the possibility of him knowing what goes on in my head if he asks and learns too much.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks.

"No, not really," I say as I lie back down in the grass.

He doesn't respond, and I expected him to either push the subject further or to just walk away. Although, I hear him pushing himself up the wall, turning my head to see him lying on his back next to me. We lie there in silence. Sometimes silence with others speaks louder the words we need, bringing a sense of comfort and acceptance. Knowing that someone is willing to just be with you, unconscious to what lies beneath, can be more powerful than any spoken words. Lying there next to Sebastian in the ethereal escape of the starlight sky, minutes pass each other quicker than I realize, almost an hour goes by.

Breaking the comforting silence, Sebastian says, "You want to go get some waffles?"

An eager, and truthful smile appears on me as I say, "Hell yes."