hate | todobaku

chapter 11

I go back to the dorms a few minutes after Todoroki. I feel really guilty. More guilty than I've ever felt in my whole life. Why would I say that to him? I trudge up the stairs and into my room. There's only one thing to do in this situation. Nothing. Well, that isn't exactly true. He said he didn't wanna talk to me, so I won't talk to him.

I put my pajamas on. I can't face him after I said all that. And I can't really face Deku, not now. I lie on my bed, facing the ceiling. Did I actually say that to him? I know how he feels about his dad, and yet I got worked up and said what I said. This is definitely not how you get somebody to like you.

I lie there for about an hour more. I can't stop thinking about him. He looked so hurt when I said that, I don't wanna see him like that again. If I'm gonna hurt him, then I can't be with him. It would hurt me, but I could push aside these feelings and keep things how they are now. But I'm selfish, and I won't do that. So I'll text him.

Bakugou
todoroki
i really am sorry
i didnt mean to say those things, i was just mad
please forgive me

I sigh. Now the only thing I can do is wait. He probably won't text me back, but maybe he'll read it. God, I really am an idiot.

Maybe he'll forget about it tomorrow and we'll go back to normal. I know it's like, six but all i want to do is sleep.

-

In the morning, the heart drops to my stomach. The guilt of what I did yesterday is way too much to bear. I've never liked anyone as much as Todoroki. And I won't be able to talk to him much in person today, I'm going home in a few hours. I sigh and get up reluctantly to take a shower and get dressed. Maybe he'll listen to what I have to say.

I go downstairs once I'm ready. I'm leaving at 12, so maybe I'll get a chance to talk to him.

"Kacchan! Are you going home today?" Kaminari asks. He's sitting on the couch with Sero watching TV.

"Yeah, I'm leaving for the train station at 12. And don't call me that." I say.

I look over at them, and Sero shoots me a look. Todoroki had definitely told him what happened.

I go into the kitchen to make a sandwich. I'll go upstairs and try to talk to him. He told me he's leaving today too, so I won't get to talk to him in person until next week. This is starting to make me hate new years.

I finish my sandwich and go upstairs. I deliberately walk slowly on the steps in hopes he's going downstairs. I get to the third flight of stairs when I finally see him.

"Todoroki..." I say. "I didn't mean-"

He sighs. "Save it, Bakugou."

"I'm sorry, Todoroki." I say, passing him. That's all I can say. I'm not good with apologies or feelings or any of that stuff. I barely even thought of others. And then I met him. I don't know why I started caring for him so much, but I do now.

I go back to my room and lay on my bed again. I'll have to try and text him again.

Bakugou

please talk to me

i really messed up

im sorry

I already know my begging won't do anything. I power my phone off and throw it on the floor. If this is what happens when I try and convey my feelings, I'm never doing it again. Maybe if I wasn't so selfish I wouldn't be sitting here all pathetic like this. I pick my phone up and turn it on again.

Bakugou

todoroki

i really like you

Neither of those messages deliver. He blocked me. He really blocked me. If he's really this upset, there's no use in trying. There's no hope for me now.