frenemies | l.berkshire

18 | perfect

y/n cameron

The Yule ball was coming in three weeks and Onyx has been pestering me to do some shopping. I agreed with her after a lot of arguing and we decided to go to Hogsmeade today.

It was snowing so I wore extra sweaters.

"Oh my lord, Y/N hurry up!" Nyx complains.

My hands started tying my shoes faster, "Just wait bitch."

I stood up and followed Onyx out the door.

"Where are you ladies going?" Enzo popped out of nowhere and looks at us with puffy jumpers and shit.

A memory unlocked as I looked at Lorenzo. It was the night where we got drunk in my dorm. I was smoking I think and then Enzo sat next to me.

I don't really remember much but I think he was looking down towards my lips..?

I felt a flutter in my stomach. I blink in confusion—what the fuck was that? It was as if I was on a cloud and if I fell, I wanted him to catch me. Enzo.

I—what? I blink a couple more times until I was snapped back to reality.

"Y/N come on," Onyx was a few blocks ahead of me and was signalling me to move forwards.

She waited as I caught up with her and linked my arm around.

— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —

"What about this?" Onny picks up a baby blue dress. It has laces around and was very detailed. I walked over and felt the fabric from the inside.

I quickly pull my hand out and shook my head, "No,"

Onyx pouts, "Why?"

"It's itchy! Feel the fucking fabric Nyx." she does what I say and pulls it out. She gives me a triggered look and nods in agreement.

"Well, come on Y/N you have to pick one!" Onyx already has her dress and was waiting for me to pick mine.

She had a long dark green dress with a small slit in the end—she was going to look so hot—platonically and respectfully.

I sigh and nodded. I mean my mum did give me a whole lotta money to buy a dress..

I search around and try some on. I found a really pretty one and took it the fitting room.

It was a nice Y/F/C dress that has thin straps and a corset like top with the skirt falling effortlessly.

As I place it on I realised it didn't fit.

I check the size and frowned. It was my size. I look in the mirror and stare at myself—then at my body.

I took a deep breath and shook it off. It's probably a mistake. I slightly chuckled and went out to place the dress back.

I searched another aisle but a person caught my eye. It was a beautiful girl. She was picking out the dress I had tried.

I couldn't help but watch as she came out wearing it perfectly.

I wanted to cry.

She looked so—perfect. She had a pretty face, perfect body, nice smile.

I slightly frown and looked at myself to the closest mirror.

TW starving yourself (?)

I turn to the side and look at my view. I compared myself to that pretty girl—which I know I shouldn't but I wanted to. I wanted to starve myself a little.

I felt myself become weak. Fuck. I hated showing emotion. I close my eyes and try to pull myself together.

I'm still going to try find a dress. I have to.

I turn to find the pretty girl gone. I go and check if she had bought the dress—she hadn't.

I decided to buy it. It was just so pretty.

A part of me was a little mad and disappointed but a part of me was fan girling over the dress.

I knew it was wrong to starve myself but I was jealous. As much as it sounds stupid, I was jealous of the girl with the perfect body.

I bought the dress and told Onyx. She smiled and held my hand. We walked back to school.

— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —

As we got to our dorm, Onyx asked me to put it on. I froze knowing it doesn't fit me. I felt a pang in my heart and I wanted to dig a hole and die.

I smiled and gave her a grin, "It's a surprise." I taunt. She replies with an annoyance groan.

It was dinner soon and Onyx left early—she was bloody hungry. I wanted to go until I saw my dress. I hold it out and bite my lip.

I locked the door and put it on infront of my mirror. I could only put it halfway. I stare at my position and felt sadness wash over me.

I remember the girl I saw at the store. How she had the perfect body, perfect face, perfect teeth, perfect curves. She was the beauty standard. I looked at myself, I was below that.

I felt cold tears coming down slowly from my eyes. I took the dress off and changed into a hoodie. I stood there, leaning on the wall as I took in my shape.

I tried to hold back the tears until I broke down. I slid onto the floor and curled my legs, hugging them.

Slowly I began to have a mental breakdown. I felt myself crumbling and hated it.

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a/n:

you are perfect no matter what loves, please don't starve yourself, your body needs food <33