Redamancy

Luke's POV. 28

Luke

Darkness had already taken over when I made some calls to have everything ready for her tonight.
     Rarely did something spontaneous, but this felt necessary.
     I was never a fan of crowded places. Yeah, I can stand them and be there if I have to, but if it came to my decision, I rather be alone.
     I've come to enjoy my loneliness even though people invited me to places with a few friend of their or even family.
     I hated the questions. I hated being the only one with no company. I hated being questioned about my decisions.
     All I ever did was to avoid it. And guess my childhood trauma is part of that.
      "Where are we going?" She surged out of her room in baggy jeans and a black leather jacket like I suggested her to.
     Her hair fell in beautifully in her shoulders, and her blush was back.
      "You'll see." I stand up and this time I'm the one to grab her hand.
    She exhales a sharp breath but covers it with a cough. 
     We walk outside of her place, still, my hand wrapped tightly around hers until I'm outside-facing my private chofer.
      "Good evening, Mr. Huxley." He bows at me and then looks at Lenna. "Good evening, Ms. Salinger."
"Hi," Lenna says shyly, trying to give him the best smile she can.
He smiles at her in return and opens the door for both of us. Once we get in the back seat, we sit in opposite sides, avoiding any closeness.
Both of us pretending as if we hadn't cuddled hours ago. And actually enjoyed each others touch.
The whole ride we remained silent and away from each other, exchanging a few glances in between and nothing more. Once we arrived at the black four squared placed I called house, I opened the door and quickly walked towards Lenna's side before she or James, my chofer, could help her out.
"Thanks," she shyly said after taking my side while we walked inside.
"Make yourself at home. I'll go upstairs and change before we go—"
"Oh so we are not staying here?" She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear as she turned around to look at me.
I shook my head and half smiled. "No."
"Okay so...I'll wait here then."
She smiled at me and waited until I left to wonder around likeI thought she would.
I nodded at her one last time and left to take a shower.
I took my time to relax and wipe out the memory of her body against mine. Her warmth still burned me, more than the water did.
And to prove it I twisted the handle for a warmer water until my skin turned red and the whole room filled with steam.
I clenched my jaw as I noticed the opposite reaction that I wanted.
Torturing myself, I didn't even jerk off.
I couldn't keep her waiting for more.
I left the bathroom and changed into my biker clothes. The same black outfit I use when I ride with other bikers.
And since I didn't have friends to compete with, why not let my own guards to do it? A few were my age, and good enough to be at the same level.
It bumped adrenaline.
And an indescribable feeling she makes me feel as well.
Grabbing my gloves, I went downstairs and found her in the same spot I had seen her before I left.
She was on a phone call, probably with a friend of hers. I got closer to her as she moved from one side to side looking at her shoes.
Once she sensed someone got near her, she lifted her gaze until we locked eyes.
"Call you later, bye."
She lowered her phone and looked at me with widened eyes.
"Umm—wow. Okay," she stuttered.
"Attractive enough for you?" I mock her with my eyebrows. "—baby?"
She opens her mouth to speak but no words come out.
Suddenly a roar of a wide-open throttle makes her jump and just in time James opens the door.
"There are here sir."
I look behind him and notice ten men dressed in leather suits while checking on their sport bikes. A few begin to talk between each other or fixing their helmets and that's when I turn to look at Lenna.
"Have you ridden in one before?"
She slowly looks at me and smiles. Enthusiasm spreading through her.
"No, but I've always wanted."
I smile back and a new feeling surges through my chest as I notice her excitement. Grabbing her hand without hesitation I gently pull her outside towards my bike, where one of my men waits with two different helmets in his hand.
"You must lean with me when we turn around corners," I explain as we walk further. "Tap my shoulder if I'm going to fast—"
"I don't mind you going fast," she replies without looking at me. "Just don't kill us."
I laugh quietly. "Deal."
She grabs my hand tighter as we get closer.
Not realizing how the rest of the men regard her closely.
Pulling her close to me, she throws me a glare but ignores my move once I grab her helmet
"And most importantly, sit close and hold on to me tightly. I wouldn't want something to happen to you."
Her breathing changes at my words but eventually she nods.
I carefully place her the black helmet and K check twice that its secured and then I place mine.
I watch her through the black shield and smirk knowing that she is about to hug me again.
Fuck. How can I love when she's near me?
And wraps her arms around me making me feel safer than I've ever felt with ten men securing my house?
I take my place and flip the key. The engine reverberated fiercely and beautifully. I turn my head sideways to help Lenna get on but before I could do it, she places her hand in my shoulder and lifts her leg to sit properly.
I slightly lean backwards and notice how her legs swing in both sides. Grabbing her thigh I lift it and direct her foot so she can place it on the passenger foot-peg.
Once she does the same on the other side, she moves a bit forward until her chest hits my back. Suddenly her hands travel on my low back and end in the front right in my abs.
I groan at the sensation and after a moment I lift my hand to make a signal to the rest. They began to taunt with their loud engines while my hand fell above her hand for a moment.
Just to give her assurance.
I made a sign again and I began driving while the rest followed behind. Once we got on the empty street, four of my men sped up and remained in front of me meanwhile, others kept my same pace.
     We drove through different lanes and when I turned corners, Lenna's hands tightened and tried to get closer.
   The feeling of having her this close was new to me. And somehow I liked it.
     I'm starting to get used to it. To her.
   The way she truly is.
Everything about her.
     And just think about it, I realize how fucked up I am.
     I wanted more of her before she leaves me. I need to remember what she tastes like. If it isn't sex, a kiss will be enough for me.
     I tense at the thought and as soon as we come to a red light she lifts her shield and says, "What's with the slow speed?"
      I shake my head and lift my shield as well.
    "It's safer for you."
    "God." She laughs it off. "Fuck that. Speed up."
      I shake my head again and say, "No. I feel how you tense when I do it."
     "Bullshit," she laughs again. "Look at them. They look like they are having fun."
    She points at the men in front of me and I roll my eyes.
     "Please?"
   The word undid me and I gripped tighter the hand clutch.
      "I'll kiss you if you do it."
    And that was it.
       I waited until she gave up asking and the light turned green to speed up as she wanted. I leveled the same speed as the others and I felt how Lenna laughed and held tighter.
     Suddenly we took a tunnel and orange lights enlightened the freeway. The engines echoed way too loudly as we shifted between lanes and other cars.
     Suddenly I began to slow down and maneuver to make a sign to my men. They glanced at me quickly and nodded before all of them slowed and took a different path. Leaving us by ourselves.
She held on to me as I drove further towards one of my parent's eighteen birthday gift that I rarely used.
I finally parked my bike and helped Lenna get down in my left side before I could do it. We both took our helmets at the same time, and once we could see each other's features something changed.
Or at least for me.
Fuck—right now I just wanted to kiss her.
But I wasn't going to push her like I did last time.
No.
I wanted her to do it willingly.
She fixed her hair as soon as a cold breeze caressed her face like it did with mine. I stepped forward and grabbed her hand, after I had taken my gloves off so I could feel how cold her hand was against mine.
Once we stepped near the marina she gasped at my Father's apology for not spending Christmas with me. As if he really care.
What an absurd gift.
I need to remind Susan to schedule a meeting so I can sell this yacht to someone.
"Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Huxley."
One of my staff members said once Lenna and I got nearer.
I clenched my jaw when I realized how she called her, but neither of us corrected her. We just kept walking.
"This way," she continued and we followed.
I helped Lenna step into the massive boat through the back stairs and then led her inside so she could take a look around.
Mesmerized by the place, she left my side and walked further, keeping her hands to herself, somehow feeling smaller.
I came after her, amazed by her beauty and not the place. Opposite of what she did found beautiful.
When she glanced at me I pretended to be looking around as well, ignoring the fact that I enjoyed looking at her.
        Before I could speak, a voice interrupted us.
"I apologize for not introducing myself. My name is Jenny, and I'll be assisting you during your stay." Lenna looked away and got closer to shake her hand while smiling at her.
I fought a smile.
"I'm Lenna nice to meet you!"
"A pleasure, Ms. Lenna. Would you like to join the chef already?" They both look at me. "He has everything ready as you asked for Mr. Huxley."
I nodded and at my approval, she began to walk away. Lenna shot me a confused look before she followed her pace.
I remained behind, looking at her back. Taking a lot of distance so I could avoid grabbing her hand again. Something that I can't resist to do anymore.
A public gesture that I had never done in my entire life. Not even with my mom.
Her hands were always busy in her hair or my dad's arms while I stayed behind.
Somehow Lenna noticed. As if she could read my mind miles away.
She immediately stopped and turned around to lock eyes with me. Suddenly she offered me a warm smile while she waited.
She patiently waited until I joined her side. And when I finally did, we kept walking again.
Jenny glanced behind when she sensed we were not following her, but when she assured that we were, she looked away.
It was only matter of time, when Lenna placed her hand in my arm. I tensed and tried to not look affected by it. Her hand slowly traced down until it ended in my palm. Relief consuming me that I let a harsh breath out.
How can the feeling of discomfort turn into the opposite? Will I be able to not hold her hand again?
"Enjoy your night! Call me if you need anything," She opened the door of the wide kitchen and smiled as we made our way in.
"Thank you, Jenn," I finally said before she nodded and left right away.
My attention fell on Lenna again just to capture the reaction she was going to have.
"Smells good." She admitted.
"Bet you're craving hamburgers," I teased.
I gently pulled her until we encountered one of the best chefs in the whole country.
He was around his late forties, but his appearance took away five years off of him. His grey hear was hidden under his chef tall, white toque. It combined with his white double breasted jacket and apron. Just like his other three young assistants who stood beside him.
"Good evening, Mr. Huxley. Glad to receive your call and be honored to cook for you!" He smiled and lifted his right hand to shake it with mine.
I smiled in return and lifted my right hand instead that he laughed amused when he noticed I wasn't going to let go of Lenna's hand.
He quickly lifted his opposite hand and finally shook it with mine.
"Thank you, Anthony, for coming at such a short time of notice. I appreciate your work and—" I glance at the girl beside me. "—and bet she will be fascinated by it too."
I pause. "He is specialized in making gluten-free desserts and any food you want."
"—yeah I...asked him what you would like to try out but he simply said, 'Make everything you can for her'." He laughed again and offered to shake her hand as well.
This time he lifted his left hand so she wouldn't break our handheld.
Her smile faded and remained silent as she took his hand.
"He must really love you," he continued with a bright smile.
And I couldn't have misheard it, cause the word echoed so loud in the room that I noticed how she tensed.
I cleared my throat and tried to change of topic. I smiled at the assistance who I also shook hands with, but as I kept conversations with them I felt how her hand slipped away.
It was too quick that I hadn't realized when she excused herself.
I quickly grabbed her arm and turned around to face her. "Hey, where are you going?"
"Oh umm—I really need to go to the bathroom," she nervously smiled. "Stay here. I'll be right back."
She tried to walk away but I stopped her by grabbing her hand once again. "Let me show you were it is."
"No. It's okay. I can find it." She tried to smile.
"Is something wrong? Does you head hurt?"
I ask worriedly because I felt how her mood changed.
"Yeah..." She paused looking all over my face, searching for something. "I mean no—I—I guess I'm just too hungry that my head hurts."
"You sure?"
"Yes. Don't worry about me." She assured but I couldn't be convinced that easily. "It's okay."
Her tone this time came out better and I took my time to finally let her go.
She walked away and I saw how she hugged herself again.
"Mr. Huxley? Should we start serving?" Anthony suggested.
I kept looking at the hallway where she had walked through before I lost track of her.
"Sure," I said without looking at them. "I'll be right back."
I clenched my jaw and went to look for pharmaceuticals. And even if there wasn't any, I was going to fucking order in all the nearest pharmacies until someone came as soon as possible.
Gladly, Jenny was prepared enough that she had a whole kit of pharmaceuticals. I thanked her and quickly left to grab water.
Took me five minutes to finally find her in the nearest bathroom of the second floor.
"Hey—" I called out and when she finally lifted her gaze, I noticed how red her nose and eyes were.
As if she had been crying by herself all this time.
She quickly turned around when she spotted me. Hiding her face with her hands, I came nearer just to prove myself wrong. But I wasn't.
"Sorry I—I just tend to cry when something hurts too much."
She laughs bitterly and finally lowers her hands to look at me. Her cheeks blushed beautifully, and her lips turned red for some reason.
But a tear was falling from one side and I had the urge to kiss it. And wipe it off, just like I wanted to do with her lip marks.
I fought against it.
"The headache I mean."
"I brought you pills. But if it hurts too much I can take you to the hospital right now. I have—"
"No." She shook her head immediately. "Not necessary."
She smiled softly and took the pills from my hand.
"Thank you."
I handed her the water and she drank it all.
"Thirsty enough?" I humorously said, trying to lift her mood. "Skinny dipping might help, muffin. Wanna try?"
She laughed. "You wish." She lifted her hand to wipe away the water above her lips tempting me too much that I had to look away.
Not now Luke. Not now.
We returned to the kitchen, with a lot of distance between each other, and eventually talked again once we were accompanied by others.
"So what exactly did you all do?" Lenna took her seat while smiling at all of us men.
"Glad you asked, Ms. Salinger," Anthony proudly said. He gave a signal to the others and they began placing different meals in front of her.
All types of pasta in small amounts, breads, different flavors of cakes, cookies, cheesecake, chicken in a white sauce...a lot of things that she might wish for.
But the one specially placed in front of her was big size of burger.
A smile surged on her face and my chest tightened at her reaction.
"Is it—"
"Yes. It's totally gluten free," Anthony assured as he gave me one burger as well.
Lenna looked at me for assurance and I nodded at her so she could enjoy without worry. She didn't even know that if something happened to her because of this food, I could ruin Anthony's career in a matter of seconds. As well as his assistant.
And he was aware of that.
Made myself clear on the call.
I knew her allergy could cause her terrible stomach pains, tongue sore, high blood pressure, or even depression. A lot of symptoms that I found research of.
Celiac in other words.
So, making this for her I knew she was going to be happy.
Suddenly Lenna lifted the burger meanwhile, everyone watched her with intense and worried eyes. As soon as she took the first bite, she took her time to savor it. When she finally swallowed it, she looked at all of us and finally smiled.
"Holy shit." She paused. "It's amazing."
I smiled in return meanwhile Anthony sighed loudly in relief and whispered a 'Thank God.'
And the others cheered and hugged each other. As if they had won a big prize.
Honestly, they are going to. I was going to make sure of it.
I shook hands with Anthony before they excused themselves and left us.
Lenna ate silently. Enjoying every bite she took.
And I did as well. She was right.
It was fucking good.
"I hadn't eaten a burgerI years!"
She cleaned her mouth with a napkin and I took a sip of my drink. Both of us facing each other.
"At what age did you develop that disease?"
"Fourteen. The first time it happened I was at a birthday party and they gave us pizza." She hid the napkin under the plate and grabbed her drink next. "When I went home, I felt sick. So sick that I spent two hours in the bathroom vomiting. My mom said it was normal. She thought the dinner did me bad. But when the headaches became more frequent as well as skin rash, she took me to the doctor and some tests were made, and yeah." She took a sip and then her focus went to the bubbling liquid inside of it. "It's not an allergy but I stick with the familiar term cause it's easy to say it to others."
She finally looked at me and blushed at my intense gaze but managed to quickly stand up and avoid it.
"So—" She cleared her throat. "Is that one of your hobbies?" She looked at me over her shoulder while she tried to choose a dessert. "Motorcycling? You seem to devote a lot of time in that."
"I like to clear my head when I'm stressed or angry at someone."
"Like your parents?"
I straightened and walked towards her.
"Yes."
I cross my arms and regard her as she grabs two plates for the desserts.
"Do you hate them?" She finally glances at me and gives me those soft eyes.
      "Not hate." I clench my jaw and look around the table to avoid her pity towards me. "Just disappointed."
      "What hurt the most?" She continues pushing forward. Trying to know me better when I loathed talking about my past.
     Nothing was interesting in it. Nothing good.
       "Doesn't matter anymore." I gave my back and tried to ignore the question, but she insisted.
       "You can say it. I won't judge you."
       "What for? Is in the past Lenna. They don't matter to me anymore."
    Lie.
        "You do." She tries to come near me but I begin to walk in the opposite direction.
      Something that is coming usual, or our thing.
     "At the end, we all care," she shrugs as we walk around the kitchen counter. "You know...holding back your emotions can actually intensify them."
        "What do you want me to say?" I finally said annoyed.
       "I just want you to let it all out."
   I shook my head but she continued.
       "It's okay to feel anger."
    I exhale sharply.
       "It's okay to feel sad. It's okay to feel happy.
      "Maybe I don't want to get hurt."
      "—Scared."
      "No. You show weakness."
      "It's okay Luke."
      I slow down and so does she.
        "It's okay to feel hate," she finally whispers and I tense. "It's okay to feel love."
    My lips press into a thin line at the thought. My heart hurts at the only thing that I missed. That I yearned for.
      Something that all kids deserve. Something that not even money can buy.
        "It's not okay," I uttered. "Because when you do, it gets out of your hands." I walk forward until I stand right in front of her. "You lose control. And eventually, people see the power they have on you."
      I tilt my head and caress her cheek. My finger drifted from her cheeks towards her lips. "Anger takes over and you become an abuser. Sadness takes over and depression takes over, killing you from the inside worse than any disease. Happiness is to count on other and things to fill us up. But pursuing it just makes us miserable. People become disillusioned Lenna."
      Her breathing changes as my hand travels to her neck in slow motion.
      Her lips tempting me too much for own my good.  
      "Fear. A response to things that we don't understand and when it takes over, you become selfish. Hate—" My grip gently tightens around her neck, pulling her closer until we are an inch apart from kissing. "—turns you into a killer. And love..." I kiss the corner of her lip, tempting her as well. I move towards her hear and whisper, "Love turns into obsession. A thing that might kill you like a knife."
      I lower my hand but she doesn't move. Her breathing quicker with each second that passes by. "It's not okay, Lenna. It's not okay to feel sad when you parents never showed up to any birthday. It's not okay to feel hate when your parents couldn't care less of how you felt." I lower my head slightly. "It's not okay to be sad or scared of being alone." I paused. "It hurt too much that it was not okay."
     I took a step back and she looked at me speechless. But her eyes gave away everything she had to say.
       I turned around to walk away but her next words stopped me.

"Show me then."