6 - Newer balance

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"Hope you are who you say you are, if you aren't who I thought It will break my heart." – You are here, by Jhene Aiko

" – You are here, by Jhene Aiko

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Monday, May 6th, 2013

I felt sick to my stomach. Literally and figuratively.

My body ached as my organs squirmed under my skin- veins pulsating, jaw muscles clenching, uterus throbbing. My entire digestive tract coiled and recoiled, urging everything I had eaten the day before to come out. No, seriously, a few minutes after I read those texts, I jumped out of my bed and buried my face into the toilet bowl, gripping it for dear life as my stomach revolted.

"But our plan worked. Why are you freaking out this much?" Rosie asked as she stood behind me, collecting my hair in her hands.

I couldn't reply to her even if I wanted to; I was busy gagging and heaving.

"Get me some water, please." I rasped wiping my sweat-drenched forehead with the back of my hand.

Rosie ran to the kitchen and grabbed me a bottle of water. "Jeez, I didn't know you cared this much about the dude." She said as she handed it to me and hopped up on the counter.

I couldn't, for the life of me, understand how she was not disgusted by what was going on. Had it been the other way around, I would have joined her on the toilet at the first sound of her gag. Also, wasn't she supposed to be the one throwing up? She was the one who drank to the point of passing out last night. No judgment whatsoever. She must be one of the 23% of the population with hangover resistance, I thought as my stomach rolled.

I stayed hunched over the toilet for a couple of minutes until I made sure my body was done being weird and got up and cleaned myself. Feeling like I was hit by a truck, I walked to the living room, ignoring the churning of my stomach.

Whoever said revenge was sweet clearly didn't stay long enough to clean up the aftermath. Because holy hell, I was sweating it out. The brief wave of triumph that overcame my body when I saw all those notifications from Noah wasn't worth the guilt and bitterness that lingered afterward.

Don't get me wrong, I was elated to have made him cave. As a matter of fact, I was so pleased with myself that as soon as I saw that last text; I hid my face under my pillow and shrieked in triumph. I even went as far as plumping my fists up in the air in victory, sort of like a "suck it, you asshole!"

But in the rollercoaster called life, every high had its low, and when I calmed myself enough to understand the scope of the whole mess, I deflated like a balloon. All the excitement and victory left my body through all of my pores, leaving me with an enormous lump in my throat. I was a big mess, swimming in an even bigger mess.

I was upset with Noah, but above all, I was extremely disappointed with myself. With how poorly I had handled everything. I had always taken pride in how calm and collected my personality was. Leave it to Noah to bring out the worst in me.

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