Escape is Only Temporary [boyxboy]

Chapter XXI

~Monday 27th June 2016~

Shepherd had known for a long time that a part of him belonged to Reece. Whether it was a big part, or minuscule, it didn't matter. It was there, and Shepherd had stopped denying it. It was the worst when he was pregnant. He craved the alpha. His alpha. He surrounded himself in lavender, burning incense or having the fresh plant nearby, but nothing worked. It wasn't right. Either the smell was too synthetic, or subtle, or harsh. There was always something off. However, Shepherd knew he couldn't have the real thing, so he learnt to live with it.

Then, when the twins were born, Shepherd didn't have time to worry about the lingering presence of his alpha. He had two children to take care of, two very powerful young pups that he knew were going to be a handful right from the beginning. When Shepherd met Porter, again, that part that still yearned for Reece shrank away. It was easily hidden by the feelings that Shepherd was developing for Porter. Yet, there were still moments. Moments of longing where his heart would ache, calling out to the one being on the entire earth that could soothe it.

Nothing had changed. Shepherd simply listened to a different part of his heart now. The part of him that still loved Reece was growing again, no longer content to hide in the shadows. There was nothing to conceal it, nothing else for Shepherd to focus on to distract himself from the strings pulled taut within himself. He had been in denial for so long, and it was exhausting. Yet, he still couldn't bring himself to say those words. He still didn't trust his own heart.

Even when Reece told him, when he admitted that he had never stopped loving Shepherd, he still couldn't say it back. It was as though there was some sort of block in his mind, preventing him from saying the things he needed to. It wasn't the same as with Porter, Shepherd could say those three little words when he knew the dryad needed to hear it but they just wouldn't pass his lips when he thought of Reece. No matter whether he was the first to say it or not, it didn't change the anxiety that the man felt about admitting his feelings.

He'd known for weeks that Reece loved him. Ever since the night of Porter's funeral, he'd known how the wolf felt about him. Back then, Shepherd had still been suspicious of Reece. His instincts didn't trust the wolf. It all seemed very coincidental that Porter would be the one to die, the one factor that was, in Reece's eyes, keeping Shepherd from returning to his pack with him. It wasn't difficult for Shepherd to slip a little vial of blue liquid into Reece's drink whilst he wasn't looking, then the wolf was easy to coax back to a different hotel for the warlock's interrogation. Immoral? Yes. Harmful? Not technically.

It struck something deep within Shepherd when Reece admitted he loved him that night. He was out of his mind, drunk from the whiskeys he had consumed and clouded with the haze of the mixture that Shepherd had spiked him with. It only made him truthful, nothing more. Shepherd had questions he needed answering, and Reece did more than that. Shepherd hadn't even asked about how the wolf felt for him, yet Reece just blurted it out. I love you, pup... Mate...

Shepherd had abandoned his questioning then. There was no need anymore. Reece obviously wasn't at fault. He honestly did care about Shepherd, and that sparked something with the warlock. But, of course, the night didn't go exactly to plan. Nothing ever did with Shepherd anymore. Despite the mixture that Shepherd had spiked Reece's drink with being all natural, it hadn't reacted well with the wolf. One minute Reece was sitting on the edge of the bed, a glassy look to his eyes as he gazed up at Shepherd lovingly... And the next he was throwing up. Shepherd had forgotten about one crucial little element in that mixture, something he added simply to stabilise the other ingredients.

Dried tulips. Something so simple, so common, and a plant that Reece was allergic to. It had taken Shepherd enough time to coax Reece out of the clothing that he had vomited on, and to clean the carpet, that he didn't bother to dress the man again. He just collapsed next to him on the bed, exhausted, asleep before his head even hit the pillow. With how skittish Reece had acted when he woke, Shepherd realised he might have made a tiny little mistake in not letting the man remember their talk.