A Life Sentence

November 13, 2026

Author's Note: This is last chapter of the series and it may difficult to read especially for those who have dealt with depression or thoughts of harming themselves. My intention is not to glorify or promote any kind of act or self harm. This is just where the narrative took me. Please know there is always help, always!  

November 13th, 2026

It's been a couple of days now. I have finally eaten and Lucas dragged me outside to do some chores. It got really cold really quick, faster than I thought it would. I spent one day splitting wood. It was all I did. I didn't even realize it until it got dark that my hands were all blistered up. I never felt the pain or noticed the blood.

I wasn't far from Kate's grave. Lucas was smart enough to put it somewhere that it wasn't in plain site of the house, or the yard where we worked, but I knew it was there. I could feel it like a presence. Once I even thought I heard Kate laughing. Not some creepy laugh, but a carefree giggle that made me smile.

I had hoped that doing some work would keep my mind busy as well as my body. But chopping wood isn't exactly rocket science. It didn't take long for a rhythm to set in and I didn't have to really think about what I was doing. As always Elena and now Kate were on my mind. I got so wrapped up that I only stopped for a bit to rest when my arms and back started to cramp. I would use these chances to eat, pee or pet one of the dogs. They were all hovering around me, keeping an eye on me.

All I had to look at was the scenery around the house. Lucas was off doing his own chores , so I didn't have him to talk to. I wish I did. The road out in front of the house, the dying brown grass all over the place and the trees of the dense forest was all I had to look at.

In the spring and summer trees were beautiful when the leaves were green and even for a short time I got to enjoy their fiery oranges and reds as they changed colors in the fall. Now they are gone, just a rotting blanket on the forest floor. Now the naked trees makes it seem like house is surrounded by an army of death.

While I worked it became even more clear to me that this every day grind was all there was, and all there would ever be. I tried, oh lord how I tried, the past two days to think of something, anything, that might make staying here worth it, but there just isn't...anything. Now I know how serfs must have felt toiling in the fields all day just to barely survive. They had family though, at least they had that.

Of course I do have Lucas, and it would be a crappy thing for me to just up and take off, but all I can think about is one thing. After Kate died I spent days hidden away without realizing that Lucas was doing everything around here on his own, without me. He clearly doesn't need me. As far as I can tell no one really does. To me that is the worst part. All I ever wanted was to feel needed and wanted.

I think the time has come for me to move on. Lucas will be OK without me; he is set up very nicely. We have not seen another soul in months. It would seem that there is either no one left close by, or they have carved out their own little slices of hell to rot away in.

I have no idea where I will end up. I suppose that is open for debate. I prefer not to think about it. To be honest I don't see how it really matters. Even though most will say I will be trading one hell for another. I am sure Chonk will want to go, but he can't; he should stay here with Lucas and his brothers and sisters. The goofy dog is laying right beside me right now. He's asleep and snoring, it makes me smile. Probably one of the few things that still can. I suppose I do have Chonk, but I want to remember him as he is. Not when he dies of old age, or is killed by some wild dog or something. I can't take losing someone else that I love. I truly hope he forgives me for leaving him behind.

I will wait until it's late when Lucas and the dogs are asleep. I can't let Lucas see me. I'm sure he will wonder why I am heading out without any gear. I will have my gun of course, but that's all. Also, I don't want to listen to any bull. I need to leave and that is all there is to it. I will make sure he never finds me.

I suppose I could leave this journal behind for Lucas. At least he would have some idea of what was going on inside my head. I think I owe him that much. I know he will be OK. He was always better suited to living in this kind of world than I ever was. I don't like being around people, but my soul is just too tender to be this alone too.

I should be nervous, but I am not. I am relieved, almost excited. Like a man who is about to go on a grand adventure. For the first time in a long time I have something to look forward to.

If you or someone you know is in crisis or struggling with thoughts of suicide please seek help. There are those who love you and those for whom the battle is always worth fighting. National Suicide and Crisis Hotline: 988, https://988lifeline.org/

Thank you for sticking with me throughout this journey. I appreciate all the support that I have gotten. Please vote and follow! I will be putting out a new series in time. I have not written it yet, but I have it all worked out. I just need to get caught up on  some other projects so I can devote time to it. I also plan to release this entire series on Kindle with a new cover, free of charge of course. Again, I need to get caught up on other things first. Until then, thanks again, you all are awesome!