Reviews and recommendation

A whole new world👀

byIcecreamsundae5 

Hello, my dear readers!

...hoping there still is someone....

I'm back from hiatus!

Today we will start by reviewing A whole new world, by @IcecreamSundae5

Poor IcecreamSundae5 waited more than a month for this, therefore I'll try to be as useful as I possibly can.

Olive Smith, a 17 y.o., has to switch school at her final year of high school, having to start her life anew. Surrounded by strangers, she's inevitably bounded to meet two boys, the Jock and the Bad boy, who will fall for her. Who will she choose?

To be honest, checking my inbox while on the bus, finding this review at the bottom of my never-ending reviews list, finding the book and reading this part of the blurb.... made me feel like taking more time on hiatus.

Fuck it, work wasn't too bad compared to reading that book.

Closing on the last set, I finally reopened Wattpad.

Rendering to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, I knew I couldn't escape this review anymore and reopened the book.

Where I found the other part of the plot:

Hi, I'm Zee Thompson who magically got trapped inside a book.

Zee Thompson, after reading the entire book and hating on Mary Sue (Olive), finish trapped in it. Sick of Olive's manipulative bullshit, she will save her favorite charachter's heart (Nick the Bad boy, because the girl has taste) and, just maybe, give the book a better twist.

Ops, @IcecreamSundae5

My bad.

POSITIVE NOTES:

1.  A fresh style.

Somehow, this writing style kind of remind me of "The Office".

Zee talks to the reader directly and make fun of herself. At the same time, we hear her thoughts, we see her actions... it's extremely energetic.

2. Revenge. 

The writer must have a business mind.

As a producer, I pay tribute to that.

On a website full of readers, you literally took what each and every one of us dreamed of at least once and made a book out of it.

It's like screening Bear Gryll's interactive documentaries in a retirement house full of alpines. The media offering a dream to the right person. Chapeau.

NEUTRAL NOTES

1. Blurb:

 I know, I know.

You have a literal award as in "BEST BLURB".

Therefore, I should maybe shut up, take the hit and learn to not judge a book by... half a blurb.

But I'm sure wattpad is full of idiots like me that won't read the full blurb, missing out on the entire point of the book.

My advice would be to either shorten the explanation around Olive, shorten the entire blurb or find a way to switch Olive's part and Zee part, in order to put the "important" part first.

The first five lines are crucial. Don't waste them.

NEGATIVE NOTES:

1. Confusion

You're a little mixing up the stream of consciousness, dialogue and monologue.

In the stream of consciousness we find swift mood changes (as in your script) and it's quite an elegant choice.

But it's normally made in third person and differ a lot from your script.

For a monologue-style, use an outline. Don't take "Question from the public", soften out swift mood changes and, in general, try to imagine the character proving the monologue dozens of time in the mirror, before speaking to the reader, to explain a point that will be revealed by the end of the monologue (like in your script).

Dialogue-style: swift mood changes are accepted and so are "question from the public". Yet, it must start be written like a sort of answer. State out your intention (like: "My name is Zee and I'm here because..." or " No, I'm not a reader. I've never wanted to be here".)

The "rules" applying for the three styles are there to make them more realistic.

At the moment, even if you have a fresh style and a lovely use of first-person, reading that out loud gives a weird impression because it's hard to imagine when and why would Zee talk like that. 

IN GENERAL: 

I'm not being extra when I tell you that this is quite literally the book my 16-y.o.-self planned to write for years. And eventually forgot. 

Thank you, @IcecreamSundae5, somewhere little me is crying out of joy ;)