Reviews and recommendation

Phantasma👀

By glossyystrawberryy

Four 14-y.o. are teleported into a fantasy world endangered by a demon king. It's up to them to salve their new world.

Starting this review, I noticed the author was just 14.

I don't normally judge much based on age (there are brilliant teen novelists aged 30+ and I've read short stories from teenagers that made my skin crawl) yet, my expectations weren't too high.

From what I found, I must compliment the author.

It's a light, fun, read. You can breathe the smell of youth and enjoy a little fairy tail.

100% recommended lifting your mood.

POSITIVE NOTES

1. Characters

The girls have realistic backstories and they're explained quite well.

Their interactions emanate a scent of youth, calling back to the reader's mind a school afternoon with your friends. I'm sure that even readers that are either too young or too old for that or who didn't have any friends can experience that sweet taste in their tongues.

2. Mood

Call me By your Name, In the mood for Love, Blade Runner, etc. managed to set a specific atmosphere despite their stories and this story has that power.

Don't get me wrong, it's not a masterpiece. In foretold movies, photography, screenwriting, and acting played an important role. But I think this author managed to reach that height of worldbuilding.

NEUTRAL NOTES

1. First chapter

I will never understand the need to put your aesthetic in the first chapter.

Either you can describe them as an author, or you write a screenplay and produce a visual.

Still, they just denote a lot of effort, therefore not a negative point.

2. Anime

This is 100% an isekai. No problem about it, I love them.

Yet, anime and literature are quite different. First of all, characters in anime are always positive (even the most pervert of the villains won't disgust you: try comparing Lolita's Humbert and Hunter x Hunter Hisoka. Both were pedophiles.) and generally have much more energy than a normal person.

The positive and energetic mood typical of anime (most of them, at least) is quite visible in your novel

I didn't dislike your anime novel. I put this into the neutral notes because, since it's Wattpad, rules for literature are much softer. Still, if you were to look out for publishing, I'd advise you to try reading some classic novels for teenagers to set the mood.

NEGATIVE NOTES

1. Too many "!"

I can be at fault for that, as well. Since the words your characters are saying seem so important, it's natural for the desire to underline everything. Your characters are also quite young, which would explain the excitement.

Alas, too many exclamation marks tend to make your dialogue sound either unrealistic (who would scream EVERYTHING?) or annoying (answer: annoying teenage girls).

2. Verbs

I LOVE when people switch from indirect speech to a secret first-person, inserting a character's thought. I do that a lot.

But I've noticed you tend to pass from a past form to a present one, which is wrong.

I'll add an example:

"They started to look around. Well, certainly, this is a strange situation. They should be on a hospital bed half alive and half dead, so how are they here on a grass plain?"

Should be:

"They started to look around. Well, certainly, that was a strange situation. They should have been on a hospital bed, half alive and half dead, how come they were on a grass plain?"

Try downloading "Grammarly", it helped me a lot.

IN GENERAL:

@glossystrawberryy you have a great talent that still needs to bloom completely.

My advice is:  find your media.

This book is a cross-media between a novel and an anime. It's not bad, but to understand how to use a language properly and master it, you first need to choose one and study it.

Therefore, either put down anime and try to "clean up" your writing skills with a summer full of books, or put down Wattpad and learn how to draw to become a mangaka.

Or do neither, but try to study more your media language.

In the meanwhile, I thank you for the pleasurable read!