Right Blend & Sweet Love || Epistolary

97

KIENZO

"Kienzo." Nilampasan ko si Abigail na nandito na naman sa opisina ko. Napailing ako at lumabas. Ngayon ang dating ni Zhana rito. I shouldn't be late.

Naramdaman kong sinundan ako ni Abigail pero hindi ko siya pinansin hanggang sa nakapasok ako sa kotse ko. We're already over years ago. I don't want to give her false hopes that we could get back together because I love someone else now. Even though I am not sure if she loves me back.

She's worth the love.

She's worth the risk.

She's worth the pain.

I tried to smiled and keep the pain inside when I fetch her from the airport. Her cold stares felt like I was stab right in my chest a million times.

"How's your flight?" I asked, trying to open a conversation and still hoping that she would talk to me but...

She turned herself to the window and closed her eyes. I don't know if she was sleepy but I am one hundred percent sure that she did that because she doesn't want to talk to me.

My grip on the steering wheel tightened and told myself subconsciously that I deserved this treatment for hurting her. I focused on driving while my mind goes back to the past.

"Kuya, where have you been? Mom has been looking for you since last night," I told my brother who just got home. My forehead creased when he looked like a dead zombie walking upstairs. I held his hand to stop him. Doon niya lang ako napansin.

"Ayos ka lang ba, kuya?" tanong ko. Slowly, his head turned to faced me and looked at me like he had done something wrong.

"I'm fuck up, bro. It's fucked up." Umiling iling siya at napahawak sa noo.

"What do you mean? Ano bang nangyayari?" I asked, confused.

Niyaya ko siya sa kwarto para roon pag-usapan ang nangyari. Malamya na naglalakad si kuya at halatang problemado. My brother and I were close since we were kids. He's my family, brother, bestfriend, and my role model. Seeing him in a vulnerable state indicates that he really has a problem. Masayhin siyang tao and he won't really let you know that he has a problem.

Pinaupo ko siya sa couch sa kwarto ko. I sat on the couch next to him. He let out a heavy breath before leaning and stare at the ceiling.

"You know, I have a girlfriend," simula niya.

"What?" Gulat na sabi ko. "I didn't know. You know that Mom---"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. She likes to choose the girl that we will marry but I love my girlfriend. She's the one I want to spend my life with."

For the first time in my life, I saw him looks so helplessly in love with someone. He was staring at the ceiling as if the girl's face was painted on it.

"Who's the lucky girl?" I asked. Honestly, I don't know what to say. I had flings but I've never been into a serious relationship. When I say serious, it is a relationship with the girl that I love. I already accepted my fate that I will marry the girl that my Mom wants.

And maybe love is not for me because I've never experienced it. Or maybe I did? I don't know. I don't even know what it feels like.

"She's still too young. 19 years old. Senior high school."