*I should state this takes place in the somewhat early seasonsish. Leonard and Penny are dating, Howard went to space and Raj can talk to woman. I have yet decided if I should add Bernie or Amy (just as a friend not dating Sheldon cause obviously) so lemme know if I should. So enjoy*
(Lillian's Pov)
The next day, I was woken up early due to more nightmares like always which is never anything new to me, you would think I'd be used to them at this point and that they don't bother me but that's my problem is that they do bother me and they will always bother me because I'm fucked up and can't let shit go...
I mean I was verbally and emotionally abused by my mother and siblings...how am I supposed to let that go? I honestly don't think I can knowing she's still in my fucking life and continuing to ruin it and telling me how worthless I am and how I'll become nothing in life and am nothing but a failure to the Hofstadter family...How do you just ignore that?
Your own mother saying these things to her babygirl...the baby of the family who has yet to discover herself and where she wants to be in life. I'm only 22, I can't figure all this shit out yet and forcing someone else's opinions and heritage of being physicist and psychiatrists is wrong. I don't want to be either of those things...I just don't, they don't interest me enough to want to pursue them...
I should pursue what makes me happy and I have yet to figure that out because my life was garbage, my childhood and teenage years filled with nothing but abuse, hurt, pain and anger that I took out on myself to make me feel better...I mean who fucking does that to their kid? I mean not like she would fucking care either way what I do to myself, she'd think I'm seeking attention and am being dramatic...
She thinks just cause she's a fucking psychiatrist that she knows exactly how I'm feeling and thinks she did absolutely nothing wrong...God I really fucking despise her. I hate that she's my mother. I wish to god I was never fucking born. I clenched my thighs tightly with my nails hoping to do whatever damage I could to them. I breathed heavily hearing nothing but my anger racing heartbeat in my ears.
My head began to pound which made me groan as I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself down. I hummed softly to myself and put my hands to my chest and took a few deep shaky breaths to help calm myself down...you see what happens? Thinking and talking about her drives me into a panic attack...you know how fucked up you gotta be for your own mother to drive you crazy enough to make you have panic attacks?
Once I was finally calm enough, I looked at the time seeing it was almost 6am which made me groan and roll my eyes with frustration. I hated this shit, I hated waking up so early and not being able to sleep...I'm tired, I'm so fucking tired...I want nothing more than to sleep forever. I shoved my face back into my pillow wanting to go back to sleep but I knew that was never going to happen.
I groaned and gave up as I sat up and rubbed my face tiredly. I yawned and stretched a bit as I cracked my stiff and sore muscles. I sighed as I finally mustered up the strength and energy to hop out of bed. However, I felt dizzy and lightheaded which made me groan as I held onto the bed for support incase I fell over.
Once my vision started to clear up, I shook my head and took a deep breath before walking out of my room and to the kitchen seeing Sheldon like always up and about making what smells like Oatmeal for breakfast...Been told he has a crazy food schedule too...I mean good for him, at least he eats...I can't even force myself to eat if I wanted to...all this anxiety and pent-up anger and agony leaves my stomach in knots to the point of wanting to throw up if I smell any kinds of food.
Sheldon looked at me and cracked a small smile "Good Morning Lillian" He greeted, I smiled softly "Morning Sheldon" I said as I walked to the kitchen, grabbed a mug and poured myself a cup of coffee, "I'm making some oatmeal, you are more than willing to have a bowl if you would like" He said, I smiled a little "Thank you Sheldon. That's nice of you" I said,
YOU ARE READING
Nothing But The Little Sister (Sheldon Cooper Fanfic)
FanfictionLillian Hofstadter was the sister to Leonard Hofstadter. She was the youngest of the Hofstadter family and not really very close with her family aside her older brother Leonard...To be honest, nobody really notices she exists aside Leonard and that...
