Nothing But The Little Sister (Sheldon Cooper Fanfic)

Chapter 4: Everyday Just Gets Worse and Worse

(Lillian's Pov)

After hanging out with Leonard and his friends at their work, surprisingly I had a very nice time. It was nice to hang out and talk with Leonard and his friends, even though they are a bit weird but then again, look who I'm related to? But I liked them and I was glad I didn't made a huge fool out of myself...I was also shocked that they actually liked me and didn't think I was some freak...

I liked Raj though. He was pretty cool. I liked his job and I was excited to get to know more about space and such and see what his office has to offer. It was exciting, I can't really remember the last time I got excited for things because well, my brain hates me and loves reminding me how much of a worthless failure I am thanks to my mother and siblings...so that's always fun.

I'm just hoping that things go well, I really don't wanna fuck anything up and have him hate me, and who knows, maybe I can be his assistant one day or find a job having to do with astronomy. Although I doubt it with my degree but I guess we'll see, you never know what can happen and maybe it'll be a better distraction for me and my brain to focus on something else other than this damn pain, anger and agony I feel inside.

When I got home from my brothers work, I pretty much spent the entire day reading my comic books and or reading more about space and watching movies until I fell asleep...I'm kinda afraid to find out what happens next because I know the second I start to feel okay or feel normal and have an enjoyable day, something comes a long and ruins it and it puts me in a deeper hole than I already was in and it sucks, it hurts and it's exhausting to have to keep climbing out of that same very hole you've been trapped in for years and years...I just want to give up.

Anyways, the next day my eyes shot open as I immediately sat up in bed. My face and palms glistened with sweat as my breathing became heavy, fast and uneven. My body began to trembled as I felt the tears welled up in my eyes. I put my hand over my mouth and choked on sobs not being able to control the feelings that welled up inside of me.

I sniffled and sighed as I put my hands to my chest to hear nothing but my racing heartbeat. I brought my knees up to my chest and lied my head on my legs as my arms and hands were still against my chest. I closed my eyes and remained in that position until I calmed myself down...

I fucking knew it, I knew something would just come along and ruin everything! Why does this have to happen to me!? WHY! I don't fucking understand...why can't I just be happy? When is it my turn to be happy? I should be fucking happy. I have my brother, I just met his friends who I like and seem to like me, I'm finally starting to figure out what I wanna do with my life and I moved out of that godawful place but I'm still so fucked up...why? Why me? What did I ever do to deserve this shit...I don't understand? I don't want to be this way anymore; I can't take this anymore. When is it my turn?

Maybe I'm not meant to be happy, maybe I'm just not meant for this life ya know? Not meant to be happy, successful, loved. Maybe my family was right, maybe they're all fucking right. I don't know why I'm still alive. Why I'm still suffering on this godforsaken world, I'm clearly not needed and not loved by anyone nor will I ever be loved...that's the conclusion...that's it. Some people are meant to do great things in life like my brother and his friends but I guess I drew the short end of the stick and got booted to the end of the line, I can't take this anymore.

I clenched my chest tightly and choked on sobs trying so hard to be quiet and not wake the others. I put my hand over my mouth and sobbed quietly. My heard pounded and heart just felt so broken with each heartbreaking thump I felt against my chest. Tears streamed down my face as my face flushed red.

I coughed a bit and sighed as I took some deep shaky breaths and tried to calm myself down...I barely even remember what the fuck triggered this shit...I breathed heavily as I used my sweater to wipe away the sweat, snot and tears from my face. I sniffled and sighed as I shook my head and fanned my face trying to calm down some.