Wren

Chapter twenty two: Wren on my mind

When I wake up Friday morning, my thoughts are not mine, they are all of Wren, and I wonder what it was about her that flicked that switch in me and started this ball rolling.

I never fell for anyone, I had had two long term relationships but longer term for me was two years maximum. I could commit just fine and monogamy was not an issue, I wanted it, I just didn't love either of those women, and the longer you are with someone the more glaring that becomes.

Lauren was my first relationship, it lasted fourteen months, she was fun and had an intense zest for life. Lauren desperately tried to drag me into her care free world when we were seventeen, but studies came first for me, she got bored of being number two, and to be honest... I got tired of chasing the high of love that just never came. I feel like you are kind of promised this intense first love with the first relationship that comes your way, but after the initial thrill of Lauren being into me and vice versa, my first girl on girl romance, well it all got very disappointing.

I had a few short flings after Lauren, but then I met Ruth, she was more dark and mysterious and completely drew me in, and I just had to know more. Ruth studied Psychology with me through the next four years at university, we got together six months into the first year. Ruth was intellectually stimulating, visually stunning and the opposite to Lauren in personality, the fact we had more in common prolonged our relationship to just shy of two years. I still find myself saying the kind of sarcastic things she used to say. I am fond of her still., but again...I never loved Ruth. I gave it a good shot in my quest for love and I thought perhaps at one point I was in love with her, but it became clear it was more infatuation with her intellect, and the sex, the sex was incredible. I still see Ruth every now and again, we have the same circle of friends from our university days, but she ditched the idea of teaching and works with the police now as a criminal psychologist.

And here I am now, twenty three years old, haven't had a relationship in over two years, wasn't looking, and i had started believing love was but a social construct.

Although I had only known Wren a brief time, and I would not say I was in love with her, it was too soon, but what I did feel, I had never before, and it was starting to feel like Wren was someone different, someone I could fall for. I had never felt the need to be close to someone like I did her, so soon. I had a deep desire to know everything about her, and I wanted nothing more than to wake up with her, to kiss her, to hold her... I was either going insane or this was the stirrings of the one thing I didn't think existed.

In a few short hours Wren would be in my mothers class, sat opposite me, where she avoided my eye contact, but where I could gaze upon her with no rush, sat among a crowd of others that were just background to me at this point. I was genuinely excited to see her.

I had looked forward to Friday all week like a giddy teenager, excited to have time with her alone, a date, and to get to know her better.

"Knock knock" Kate calls, tearing me away from my thoughts of Wren instantly.

I roll over and gaze to the door as she appears with a coffee in hand and a large smile. "Morning Mills... the sun is shining.., the birds are singing" she sings.

"Norman is glaring at them ... thinking of all the ways he could end their thrilling tune" I sing back, pointing to him sat at my window, tail twitching at the sparrows in the tree opposite.

Kate rolls her eyes and places the coffee down beside me. I shuffle up into a sitting position and take the mug in hand, nursing its warmth between my fingers.

"You always have to taint my positivity" she retorts as she climbs over the bed and gets in beside me.

"Life has to be balanced" I reply sarcastically.

"Then let me balance it back this way" Kate begins with an excited look on her face "Peter is picking me up for a second date tonight... and if I'm lucky a second sleepover too"

I turn my head and smile "that's great Kit Kat"

If anyone deserved to be wined, dined and sixty nined it was my dear Kit Kat, years of searching for the guy of her dreams, or just one male, any male at this point, whose pheromones didn't send her cat into a killing frenzy, and she finally had a second date with Peter.

Peter you better be a keeper.

"So I'm afraid I'm leaving you on your lonesome for a second night this week" she informs me.

I sip from the hot coffee and close my eyes as it hit my throat "mmmm" I moan "nothing like that first hit"

"Please don't orgasm with me sat beside you" Kate asks. I open my eyes slightly, squinting, to find her looking to me with a deep frown that made me laugh out loud.

"Have no fear Kit Kat ... I am holding the orgasm for my date tonight...although I'm not sure she will be physically up to it after that tackle Wednesday night"

"You have a date" she asks excitedly. "Who" she asks, her blonde bob bouncing around her cheeks as she adjusted herself to sit sideways and bed down for the tea.

I wrinkle up my nose anticipating her look of disappointment. "Wren" I practically whisper.

Kates green eyes widen and she rolls them up and collapses sideways into the sheets like I had shot her.

"Millicent Dawson..." she says exasperated lying there beside me, she drags her hands down her face. "If you continue on like this they will find you in a fucking creek ... at the hands of your own mother... you have to stop... before Dawsons creek is known for some tragedy... a true crime show subtitled fatal acts of a mother"

I nod and take another sip of coffee "I know... but I can't stop... I really really like her Kate. I've never felt like this before"

Kate sits up in one swift movement, it made me smile as I waited for her head to spin around in circles "Oh Millie... you've done it haven't you... you've caught feelings already"

I shake my head in protest "I don't think so... I think I just really like her... and I am finding it hard to see how it hurts anyone. As long as nobody finds out why shouldn't we see one another"

"Do you hear yourself" Kate returns. "That's the most un-Millie thing I've ever heard"

It was, I was not this person who brushed rules under the carpet, not for anybody. Three months ago if somebody had told me I would start seeing a student within my first few months teaching at the university, let alone one of my mothers class, I would have sworn they were insane.

"You're right... I'm acting like an idiot" I realise and I start to panic a little with how careless I was being with not just my career but my feelings.

"So... you're finally going to stop" she asks and she takes my hand and squeezes it. "Millie... you know you have to. I say this with love... this can't go anywhere, you will lose your job and your mother will absolutely murder you, I wasn't lying about the creek"

"I know" I deflate, leaning back against the head board.

"So do I cancel the date" I ask unsure of myself now, could I be trusted to make my own decisions at this point, clearly my judgement was off.

"See her ... it will give you a chance to talk and to explain why it can't go any further. It's early days I'm sure she knows it was just a bit of fun and feels the same way. Just let it be what it was and walk away" Kate suggests calmly and so casually I feel pained. "We can't keep having this conversation Mills... it's time to stop" and she squeezed my hand again and smiled softly.

I nod, but thoughts come thick and fast, thoughts that unnerved me, I really didn't want to let her go...