Ancient's Smashing Reviews

Graveskies

And here is another where I could only read a bit before stopping because holy monkey sauce Batman it was triggering to read. I read the first chapter, skipped the second one as soon as I saw what it was, and only read about half the third. I couldn't take it.

TLDR; Girl-Power Fantasy Mary Sue takes flight and does gymnastics while people die

Main Character - So we have a Mary Sue right from the start. She is the most kick-ass of them all, has an attitude with those close to her, and is loved by everyone and everything, except the diety, which plays about as well as a girl with daddy issues. And by Daddy Issues I mean, right from the first line, 1. Life is not worth living. 2. Happiness and attention is defined by the number of gifts quite literally rained from the sky from day to day. Where normally entitled princesses who never grew up beyond 3-years old like this define it by the monetary value as phones, shoes, and luxury cars, this case has it by powers like a drug. While she already has the power of... flight. Now, if everyone was given gifts except her and she was given nothing and left to deal with being the bottom of the barrel of society, this could pay off. But she has gifts no one else does. So this was painful to deal with. This plays about as well as Hillary Clinton's daughter thinking she doesn't love her after the third rich mansion she gave her just because she didn't buy New Zealand. And then to add the fact that the one person, the diety, who doesn't give her attention, is the only person she wants attention from, is just mind-numbingly entitled. Yes, I get that its a god, and that is good to want their love, but that love is defined by physical gifts here, turning him not into a god but a sugar-daddy. So yeah God-Sugar-Daddy is everything to her. 

Meanwhile the rest of the cast exists only to show how great and glorious she is with nonstop praise. I mean, for God's sake, the general of the entire damn army is her second-best buddy and has a thing for doing anything and everything to mingle with the soldiers (in this case portrayed, only her) except actually doing things that involve being a general until the plot decides he needs to be told to do his job. I will get more into this later, but this is relevant to the main character showed just how entitled the Mary Sue is.

Side Characters - On the surface the interactions are fun. There is bickering and stuff, showing how close they are. However, rather than be individuals, they are just mouth-pieces whose introduction is spent telling the main character how great she is. They have minimal individuality. They have some, but it is so minimal as to be ineffective. The kid she babysits is the only one remotely decent because he at least forces her to show a different side of herself and test her, instead of the general and lover just acting as mirrors for her to pose in front of going "yes! praise me more!" I mean, quite literally, the lovers entire existance is bsaically "your so great", "your so great", "have i told you your so great yet?" and I wish I was exaggerating what she says but at one point she is so god damn desperate to praise the MC she actually asks if she has done it yet today after she had already done it multiple times. Meanwhile the general's entire purpose and existance seems to be "Hello best buddy! yes, there is a high value mission, YOU MUST GO ON IT!"

Grammar and Word Usage - The author's first language is not english, so far as I understand. So overall it was average, which is a positive then, as my expectation was below-average. I would suggest looking up what "Purple Prose" is though, because its all over the place. The flow of thought and narrative is constantly interrupted or goes in strange directions with no relevance to the scene, or makes leaps and jumps.

World Building - Overall not bad. The information given was relevant, most of the time. There was a bit too much being thrown at us all at once early on, so I would suggest instead of overloading people in chapter 1 to instead spread out the information a bit more over time. At times the information given was told, and at times shown. I can't say I liked the world building execution, but nor did I dislike it.