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Why yes, my dear. Everytime I look in the mirror!
Yesterday I caught up with Hanlathah's latest adventure in Daggers in the Dark by houseofwisdom.
He threw down the hammer, he challenged the great Smasher wishing to be judged. Judged he shall be!
TLDR; The rage just keeps going.
This is the third story in the installment and will be judged as such to see if it improves on the former.
Main Characters - Semi-Smashing : In some ways the MC area is better, in some ways slightly worse. The area it is better in is in variety. You have a larger group of MCs, and this 'group' is much better handled than before. This group have clear beginning, middle, and end points, very consistent characterization, have very human and relatable flaws, and their progression never fails to make sense at any point. You know why they feel what they feel, you know what they will do and why before they do, because everything just flows with them. They are easy to track and are so incredibly juicy because they are literally and figuratively related to the primary MC in a level the story has never explored before. They are easily the best thing the story has gotten at this point and they could easily replace Han as the MC in his own story. Where the MC area falls back is because
1) They lack variety of character. Its understandable why. When you have a bloodline that is rage inducing and rage fueled, then being an angry, aggressive person is pretty much par the course. Yet when you have 5-6 MCs where all of them have the same angst, it gets a little bit tedious. Han's group balances with a variety of people, like a comedian to break up the monotony and tone of the same thing for endless chapters. But all of the MCs have the same angst from different angles and different plot points, which got a tiny bit old towards the end. Even one of the least angsty MCs became angsty towards the end, which isn't helping this.
2) Han gets a bit sacrificed. This is a slightly complex issue but it comes down to word space and balance. When you have 1000 words, and you devote 100% of that to Han, then naturally Han is the focus. This story has shifted the percentage a little bit away from Han. This is an acceptable loss, frankly, so while it is a negative, it also is natural when you get a positive of larger variety of MCs. It is a choice. You can't have both A and B at the same time. But where it becomes a little bit of an issue is that the story doesn't adapt that well to the shift in percentage. True, there are interludes where every interlude is from the variety's perspect instead of the MCs. True, the MC will notice them and think about them and engage with them even in his own POV. but while the 'variety' get clear beginning, middle, and endpoints in the plot given here, and their plots are interwoven with the primary MC and its all consequences of the 1st and 2nd story, the primary MC fails to have his own beginning, middle, and end point to this tale. He is a flat character arc. Flat character arc is perfectly fine, but I think the reason there is a lack of story beats is because there is a lack of sense of purpose. When I study the story closely, I can find it. But if you don't re-read it and go back and study, then you might find yourself wondering what the purpose of events are. Why go there? Why attack that? What is the grand plan? How does this attack benefit the grand plan? Are we just to run around attacking things daily because we're bored? The MC is the vessel of the larger plot, but he fails to give a sense of what that larger plot is beyond satisfying his daily boredom. He does attack targets, and those targets have value, but that value in the grand plan isn't always expressed in an understandable way nor is the grand plan given early enough to become a goal. Then that grand plan goal isn't even reached at the end, setting the pace in a very weird place of ending the story VERY VERY early, in so far as how it felt based on the goals given. Ultimately the pace of the primary MC either doesn't exist or relies on the variety-MCs entirely to set that pace, which felt backwards. The one setting the pace generally is the best MC, not the ones you would think are in the interludes. There is nothing wrong with passing the torch onto a new MC who sets the pace, and the story didn't do that because, I don't know. I don't think the author recognized this as an issue or stubbornly wanted to keep Han as the MC and focus, while also taking away that focus.
Side Characters: Smashing! - The author handled the SCs beautifully. As always, very well done. But I get the sense he has improved slightly. Its not something obvious or anything I can find, but just a sense of experience and becoming more comfortable and confident in this area.
Grammar and word usage: Smashing! - Polished to a freakin' T. Saw no issues. Easy to read as a breeze. (I'm not counting how hard I find names. xD)
World Building: Smashing! - As always, again, the author handled the world building expertly. You have so many factors playing into each other, so much scale and politics and war and its explained well. The one hiccup is where that WB interacts with the MC to get a sense of pace, but this was more on the MC I think than the WB.
Plot: Semi-smashing - I loved the plot. It was about family, consequences, drama, real life shit biting the MC in the ass that I have been wanting for ages. It was satisfying and yet made me hungry for more. Some people die in ways that, while slightly unexpected, make sense in the atmosphere of chaos. The story is dark. The deaths are brutal and bloody. The action is crisp. The tactics make sense and have clear purpose and really show how cunning can do more than just strength of arms. The dramatic moments left my jaw dropping. People suffer consequences they did not warrant. There is a sense of an unseen dagger never more than an inch away from Han's neck and right up to the end, even when he seems to have won, the plot reveals things that were hinted at seemingly a hundred chapters ago. But the area where the plot becomes a little odd is, as mentioned with the MC, the pacing. There is no sense of story beat. There is no sense of going from point A to point B because there is no grand plan on the map and a sense of where you are in the plan. Its a lot of events that are individually just pure art, and those events feel connected a little bit, but still lack purpose. The focus of the story is on interpersonal drama, which is great, but then how does going to point A play into the drama? Places should matter and play a role into the plot and characters as much as anything else, and they just feel like places for the sake of being a new stage for something to happen in. The only exception was one warlord's camp where you meet a witch and the siege/attack on a city where you needed to sink some boats then prepare to go from island to land and then a city to free some prisoners. Those places and those events and those parts of the plot had clear purpose in a larger narrative, and as such brought value to what happened within them. Many others don't. And then the story ended long LONG before the given goal was reached and without any sense of how much closer to that given goal you have actually reached in the last 3-5 attacks and 50ish-whatever chapters. The pacing just has this disconnect that keeps the puzzle pieces, albeit incredible puzzle pieces, from connecting.
Overall I would rate it 6 smashing out of 7.
The first story was 5/5, and I'd say the second story was 6/6. I'm escalating the numbers with each sequel to allow experience and growth. Getting 7/7 doesn't come from escalation of drama and tension, but from experience and growth as a writer, and while I felt he grew more comfortable with the third story and improved in some areas, there is some things sacrificed unnecessarily.
I'm out with a smashing!
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If you are interested in learning to write, mastering the craft, want some really good reads, or just to chat and hang out with a mature group of adults, feel free to hit me up for a smashing discord book club that has lasted years.
