Ancient's Smashing Reviews

Hearts at Dusk by @NotARussianBot

Du-du Du-du dudududuDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU Smash!

This past week I took on the 'Hearts at Dusk' by NotARussianBot.

TLDR; It is a cute, fast-paced romance between a cornicopia of paganish/constolation dieties.

Note: There are many things to take into account. 1) The story is not finished and I read up to the latest chapter (28). 2) It is a prequal "explanation" of something from a primary story. 3) The chapters are very short. None of these points are good nor bad, but something to take into account.

Characters - Average: The Main Characters (MC) are endearing in their polarity and sweet and cute in their own ways. Their interactions are simple, straightforward, and childlike until very quickly I had the impression I was reading cartoon characters in a very young child's show, in a good way. This child-like personality in everyone makes their sweetness and cuteness all the more endearing. They do not lack for depth, but they also do not aim to show that depth as the core of the story like most. Unfortunately this strength in characterization only goes so far as a couple of things rear its ugly head. For child-like characters in what feels like a child's show (like Dora the Explorer young) they are awfully... oh what would I call it... OBSESSED with sexual encounters, determining the gender and sexual preference of everyone like its straight out of a extreme liberal gender arts philosophy university class (as if this is the most important part of their identity), and using moar sexual encounters, or the lack therof (which is made out to be unnatural), as the measuring stick of romance. This left me from the moment this plotline started, which was very early on, until now, in a constant state of "WTF?!" This is like reading something cute and cuddly with your little sister who is three years old and suddenly Dora the Explorer starts humping the fox and monkey in a threesome.

The characters are probably millions of years old, but they act, sound, and have all the personality of ten year olds, making their constant thirst for sex and gender labeling and fetishes leaving me feel very very dirty just reading it.

Beyond the whole constant sex thing, the characters also lack a lot of characterization due to how the chapters are handled. The chapters are INCREDIBLY short and while a healthy amount of it is condensed into dialogue, which manages to fit more into its smallers pace, there is simply not much given in between as action, perspective, showing, or reaction. You have dialogue, you have an exhorberent amount of telling (down to the last detail of who/what someone is) An event happens and it is rarely capitilized on or explored from the MCs perspective because you have a few lines, something happens, and then we jump ahead hundreds/thousands/millions of years ahead for their next meeting, again 99.9% dialogue, where this next meeting is unique in its own encounter. This feels like a couple of teenagers having 5 minute phone calls once a week and is as awkward as those family dinners where mommy goes 'so what did you do today at school?' This makes the chapters structure feel like a combination of dialogue and summary, rather than bringing us into anything... and the characters suffer for it. This gets better towards the later chapters, but this causes it to take a long, long time to get to know anybody.

Side characters: Average - There are plenty of SCs and they have nice, unique personalities and roles and relationships. Its also condensed as can be and doesnt give anybody room to breath, rather choosing to spend all of its characterization on telling me how people are, rather than showing it with juicy scenes where they, by their actions and words, can speak for themselves.

Grammar and Word Usage: Basic, but solid - The story's grammar and reading level is also what made me feel this was aimed for children. It is fundamentally basic, with short sentences, and expresses itself with so much telling-over-showing I think it could carry over quite well to a child's show. I didn't notice grammar issues and wasn't hindered.

World Building: Semi-smashing - The world building takes time to build up, and it is wonderfully dynamic in this way. The World starts small, with just a handful of dieties in their pocket universe thing, and eventually they explore a bit and come across things that lead to doses of plot, story, and world building. The World Building truly jumps once they encounter others besides themselves and what they have made for themselves, and you know what... it wasn't done perfectly, but the dynamic nature of it helped the story greatly.

Plot: Semi-Smashing - When you cut away the hentai/pedophilia enigma that is characters with the personality of infants wanting to constantly bang and judge who is what gender or sexual preference, then you are left with a basic romance story between very cute characters that are still endearing for their polarity, judged by rivals and outsiders, and sabataged by... well everyone... who are all gay. (seriously this feels like a reverse-reverse-reverse liberal political statement more than a romance when I acknowledge this plot outloud, although it does have the plotline of having the only non-gay couple trying to work it out...) and it checks off the boxes nice and neatly at its core. I want them to be happy despite the constant interference, and it speaks to me that I still feel that, even as much of a creep as I felt reading it. Most of the time the plot may not make sense, but nor does it seem to take itself seriously enough that it has to, again making it feel like a children's show. You just sit back, giggle, turn your brain off, find them cute, and constantly remind yourself they aren't actually children when it makes you feel like a creep. Lastly the plot, and everything else that follows, also suffers as the size of the chapters and how much jumping occurs from chapter to chapter takes the pacing and shoots it with a M134 Minigun. It is not that the chapters are short, but in how that short length is handled.

I would rate this 2 smashing out of 5. Overall the story had more problems than positives. I don't think the author intentionally wanted me to feel like a creepy old man from start to finish (I'M ONLY 29 DAMNIT!), but that is a byproduct of the plot narrative and characters combined. With the method of telling-over-showing at every turn combined with a pacing that left characters with no room to learn for longer than "hi im Sam ok bye forever i love you". Yet still the story had good qualities that let me enjoy it as the MCs just make me want to hug them and once they start exploring things it gets truly more interesting.

I also am trying to gouge the author. I feel like the author is new to writing, and if so, then its very good for where the author is at. It does feel like the author is new and getting her feet wet. Also between the plot devices, characterization, and word usage, the author strikes me as a young teen. Which, if so, then the story also isn't bad for where she is in her life and abilities and is worthy of reading and enjoying.

I'm out with a smashing!

If you are interested in learning to write, mastering the craft, want some really good reads, or just to chat and hang out with a mature group of adults, feel free to hit me up for a smashing discord book club that has lasted years.