With the world going to shit these days, people being quarantined, no one taking it seriously, and the dinosaurs coming back, it is important to keep smashing!
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This week I took the time to read a few chapters of The Bad Girl is an Agent by dreamermin36.
TLDR; A crime mystery tragedy romance, I think...
Grammar and Word Usage: Not her primary language - Right from the start this single trait has the most profound influence on the entire story. English is not her primary language. Technically the story is grammatically correct, most of the time, but the word usage clearly is based on a different language with a different structure and way of thinking than someone who is a fluent English speaker. This is a problem as it forces the readers to read the same sentence 3-4x, again and again, to understand what is being expressed. This allows no flow and ripples through everything else.
Plot: A mess - The plot is messy and lacks clarity. There seems to be little purpose on first glance to the scenes. Why are people there? What are they doing there? Who are they? Where are they? When are these mystery people doing something I don't know the reason to? Nothing is explained from start to finish. Then there is no explanation of transitions between locations. What little bit of a plot I can piece together do not make cohesive sense. It may say what they do and what the reason is for some (not all but only some) choices, but even then it makes no sense. Its like a story of cross country from Asia to Europe by walking where the motivation is an expiring coupon for Taco Tuesday. I am more confused after I finished than when I started because the facts and reasons and dialogue do not match.
Character: Half and half - The story starts off well. The first chapter is solid characterization but after chapter one it... isn't. I can understand one character because everything to know about him to start off is given when you meet him. The other characters, not so much. Things just happen and, as I said with the plot, there is no explanation. You have internal dialogue without substance. The dialogue feels like another language because, even though it is technically English, the word usage and word structure is confusing.
Overall I would rate this 2 smashing out of five!
The story is rough. The most basic premise of the story looks promising but it feels very unpolished and needs clarity, additional drafts and work, and maybe even beta readers, before that story can be brought out to shine. It has potential for 3/5 or even 4/5 if it improves by leaps and bounds.
The author is not a native English speaker. So I give her full kudos for learning a whole new language and writing a story that uses English in what is technically correct. However, her limited vocabulary and experience limits the story and keeps it from flowing naturally.
Let's smash on out of here!
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If you are interested in learning to write, mastering the craft, want some really good reads, or just to chat and hang out with a mature group of adults, feel free to hit me up for a smashing discord book club that has lasted years.
